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best friend vs new friends
ive had the same best friend for 5 years now. weve had a few falling outs and we have always gone back to eachother. shes outgoing and makes friends easily where as me, im outgoing but i am not good at meeting people on my own (my friends are jess's friends) (jess has everyone over cause she has an amazing basement to hang out in) (i have no where for groups of people to hang out in) jess is wanting to have closer friends than just me. i would like to too. i am afraid to DEATH that i will loose her and i honestly cant imagine that. another problem is that jess always asks me to come over a few hours before she says to go over so if she doesnt call me that night, i dont go anywhere. i wait for her to plan cause its her house and shes the one with the friends. i wouldnt be so jealous i think if i had my own friends or closer friends. what do i do to keep jess close while letting her have friends and also finding my own friends? i know i need someone else to go to when im upset i just dont know how to find good friends (i just need like 2 close friends) and then make them best friends *most important thing is to keep jess as close as we normally are!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
ok, so first you need to calm down. i'm sure you are a likable person, but you have to realize that if you put all of your self-worth in your friends you are going to end up getting burned because no one (NO ONE, NOT EVEN BEST FRIENDS)get along all of the time. so, my first advice is stop trying so hard to be loved, and first just try to be comfortable with yourself.
Secondly, i have a bff like you (only it's more like 10 years)and with a friend like that, you tend to love each other then bicker then drift apart and then realize how much you love each other again. so don't be so worried about losing her. you most likely mean as much to her as she does to you.
Thirdly, when it comes to making new friends that you can be close to, i realize how much easier it can be to make friends and be social around current friends (i was also in this situation) but i'm sure you guys (meaning you and Jess) have different interests from one another. go somewhere YOU want to hang out. or join a club or group YOU want to join. chances are there will be people in that place (or club or group, w/e) that have the same interests at you. that will help you relate and allow you to make more friends. (ex.my bff and i are close, but she has friends that are really into the music she likes, whereas i'm pretty close to some people in our youth group, because these people have the same interests as us.)
But, again, don't go out there going "who looks cool...they'll be my friend." just go on with life and do the things that you want to do and friends will come naturally. that's my advice. hope it helps.
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Well, Jess sounds like she would be cool with you having other best friends, considering she's technically doing the same thing. She's not replacing you and you're not replacing her, it's just that you can have more then one best friend :) Ok, so if she even tries getting mad at you about it, just remind her she's doing the same thing. She doesn't really have any reason to get mad at you, so that probably won't be an issue. Also, to make friends, as obvious as it may be, be yourself! I know, it's what everyone always says, but I can not stress it enough. Just don't be friends with someone just for the sake of having a friend. They will eventually get really annoying and by then you'll just have to put up with it. So yeah, pick someone who makes you laugh (I mean can make you crack up, rolling on the ground lol) because that means you can develop inside jokes with them, forming a friendship! :D Also, if you're shy, try to break out of your comfort zone. Every once in a while, talk to whoever you wish to be friends with. Just make it casual and crack a few jokes. Be careful though, to think about what you say before you say it. If it sounds too stupid or pointless, don't say it. And ESPECIALLY don't say it if it might offend the person. Just think of something that would make YOU laugh and try making them laugh with it because then you'll know who shares your type of humor and who doesn't :) After you eventually develop a friendship with someone, you can always just invite a friend to the mall or somewhere else to hang out. If your house isn't big enough for a lot of people, just invite one or two over. During the sleep overs, maybe play a secret-revealing game like truth-or-dare or maybe just bring up the topic of secrets and share a few of your own first, if they're uncomfortable about telling you. This should make them feel like you trust them, so they'll trust you more. Just make sure it's not a big secret, you might not end up being 'bff's with this person, so keep it at a minimum (ex: a boy you like, something silly you've done in the past, etc.). If you don't want to accidently replace Jess, just remember that with a lot of friends, comes a lot of taken time. Meaning, you'll have to know how to manage your time so she doesn't feel like you're spending more time with your new friends then her. Balance it out, so no one feels left out :) Goodluck!
-Jessica 14/f
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