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Clingy friend....
17/F
I have known "Ashley" as an acquaintance for a couple of years. Last semester, we had an art class together, and we gossiped and talked a lot because we didn't know anyone else. I was never really close to her at all. However, at the beginning of the semester, I was very kind to her and invited her to hang out once in a while. I don't know how it happened, but now she won't leave me alone!
For instance, I invited her to my friend's swim meet, and she keeps calling it 'our thing' and she acts as if it had always been our thing (even though i used to go alone). She's constantly inviting herself to places with me. Like, today I had a movie date with my best guy friends, and she tagged along without bothering to ask any of us. I don't mind, but sometimes I'd like to bond with my best friends and when she feels left out, she mopes and tries to drag me around and play the pity card when she shouldn't have invited herself in the first place. My guy friends are getting annoyed with her too, because she's constantly trying to be their friend and tries too hard. One of them said, "It's actually creepy how much she tries/wants to be like you." She also has crazy mood swings and when she feels left out, she thinks everyone's out to get her and that everyone's being bitchy towards her (when in actuality it's more of a "don't tell everyone someone's private business" sort of thing)
I'm getting SO annoyed, but i don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is not giving me enough space and I feel suffocated, and I'd hardly consider her a close friend.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
This is going to be hard but when your going to do something with a friend and you don't want her to come you have to just tell her no. You have to let your YES mean YES and your NO mean NO. So you need to tell her that you just wanted to hang out with your guy friends, mean it. If she thinks your beng mean, just tell her in a polite but firm manor 'Just because i want time alone with my other friends doesnt make me mean.' If she doesn't want to be your friend then that might be a good thing for you. Hopefully she'll get the message and stop following you around. When she invites herself places just tell her agian that this was planned for you and (your friends name) only. I hope this helps :^)
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There's two things you need to understand. First of all, this person has severe social problems and a lack of skills. This could be from a learning problem or something else.
Secondly, you're the closet thing to a friend she's ever had. Everyone else has likely treated her like shit up to this point. Why else would she get clingy and upset when not included?
Sometimes being blunt but not attacking her is beneficial. Explain that you don't mind hanging out sometimes but at other times you need space and time to be with friends you don't think she would get on with.
Tell her what people are saying about her behind her back and how her lack of social skills is bothering them. She may think you are being mean at first but if you point out what she's doing wrong that turns people completely off it will help her. Offer to help her privately and leave it at that. Don't kick her in the teeth but do get this out.
Also when it comes to going out and your plans arrange it privately via Facebook or something when you don't want her there. You don't have to be her friend but do include her now and then as she may need that more than you are aware. She could be depressed, suicidal, psychiatric issues etc. One friend is what she wants.
She's chosen you for some reason. Learn from her why and discuss what's going on with her to act like she does. She's lost without a map on the social highway and needs to learn to navigate and fix mistakes before everyone turns on her.
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she probaly so clingy because shes lonely and/or has no other friends, try introducing her to new people and try to help her out with not seeming to try so hard. give her some pointers, and then introduce her to completely new people.
~hope i helped!!! :D
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I will give u the best advice that i can
Don't let her run your social life seriosuly
This is the est advice I believe anyone can give you
I'm sure that talking to her won't help at all because of the way you describe her to be
The best to do is to take ACTION
Tell her that she's been pushing a bit too far and you need your space and that its not that you dont like her, jus that you need time to yourself when you feel like it and thats not what she's giving you
If all else fails just ignore her, any time she comes to you in person, just do your best to shrug her off, she may think your mean and she may be right, but at least she'll pick up the hint and leave you alone for good
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