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arguing.
my friend, ashley, and i argue ALL THE TIME. i dont even really know why anymore. we'd been friends since about a year and a half ago, and we have these arguments, which turn into fights because i get pissed do easily. then when i get pissed, she gets pissed and it turns into a fight, and we end up not talking until the other one apologizes.
our most recent fight was because she said something and i commented on it, saying something i thought was true, and she proved me wrong and then we argued about that for a while. (this was on AIM) and then she wanted to change the subject cuz she was getting mad. so then she said something about herself, and i commented on that, but she misunderstood me, saying that i didnt know everything about her and that i need to quit talking down on her for things i dont know.
see, i thought we told eachother everything. and then i figured out that it was just me venting, and her listening, and never really letting me into her personal life. and i hate it when people know everything about me but i thought we had a good relationship. obviously not.
so anyways, she took what i said the wrong way, and logged off and told me that she'll talk to me when she cools down. my moods lift up and down so quickly, so i told her that i'd be over it waay before her. and then i found out that she was still mad from a fight we'd had a week ago! and i thought we were both over it!
what im asking here is how in the world can we still be good friends, without me trying to pry into her life so ill be sure not to say anything stupid, that can be misinterpretted.
we mostly get in fights over texts and AIM. we never fight when we're talking on the phone or in person, if that helps any.
i just want to know what im doing wrong so i can fix it, and things can go back to the way they were when we had first started being friends. :(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
friendship can often get out of hand somtimes but its up to us to make it real again. this is a problem that everyone has, everyone definetly has conflicts like these. they may be hard to figure out but sometime or later everything will be as the past. It seems to me that you guys should try to communicate over the phone or directly since you dont fight that way. The best probably for you to do is go up to her and tell her about how you feel about what you said and that you didnt mean it. I think she will understand. try letting your other friends talk to her once and see if that helps. Even i experienced fights like these, its common and it will probably be over soon. if your friend doesnt react in a positive attitude after you tried to speak to her then leave her alone and see if she'll forget it. when you see her smile and let her know that you are still there for her. make her feel that you really care about her and that you want to be together again. see if this advice helps and remember to let her know you are there and smile when you see her. Say hi any chance you get also hoping that she will do the same to you. i hope that this advice helps and that you 2 get back together! =)
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maybe you should be more patient because it sounds like when you get pissed ashley gets pissed. she sounds like shes sensitive. sometimes thats just how people are, sometimes theres something beyond that. i had a friend once, i thought we told eachother everything, then once i kept talking about how lucky she is that she has a sweet boyfriend and she snapped saying shes sick of how i claim to know everything about her and her relationship. i was confused and pissed as hell. a few months later i found out he was abusing her. she just kept it all in and usually took all of her hurt out on me when we got into fights.
im not saying this means shes dealing with something as serious as abuse, rape, death, or something like that. all im saying is i dont think everyone knows everything about anyone. if you tell her everything and she listens she must have some kind of love and respect for you. so i think you should return that and maybe try to see if somethings bothering her so she can vent or get help (if its serious) instead of pulling it up in fights.
like i said this was a bit of an extreme case so it might not really help here. but just in case its not just her being a bitch, which it VERY well could be, i think you shouldnt drop her just yet. give her time though if she asked for it. it doesnt mean shes still boiling angry but she might just be sick of how yall fight and not want to get into that again. maybe a break for you 2 would be nice.
-----------mysweetescape (Carly) <3
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Woah. This question feels like looking into a mirror. My "best friend" and I have known each other for almost 3 years now, and we argue like a married couple. I'm telling you, for anything and everything. I guess we've always done it, but either I hadn't noticed till a couple of months ago, or the arguements are getting worse and more frequent. I don't know what grade you guys are in, or how old you are, but senior year of highschool is known for putting a lot of stress on teens. Knowing that you'll be going your own ways in a couple of months creates tension, though I often find myself glad that college exists. Since she is almost 2 years older than me, we sometimes both get iffy about the age difference [without fully admitting it to the other]. That's a HUGE thing: what one can do that the other can't. Since she's 18, she's free to do much more than I am, BUT, I am a US citizen and she is illegal here, despite her having lived here longer than I have. When it all comes down to it, it's really jealousy, and subconsciously trying to be better than the other person [which sorta gives me a huge upper hand]. She doesn't tell me everything either, even though I spill my guts to her about my uneventful life, though I've learned to stop. Whether she feels she can't trust me, or feels that I will judge her, I don't really know. I have realized that our arguements are not only her fault. I say really offensive things sometimes, because I'm not really good at filtering my thoughts, but she's also very sensitive, and likes to twist words for her convenience. I would suggest you bring this to your friend's attention. Maybe she doesn't even realize that there's a problem in need of being fixed. I recently let my friend know that the reason she's always in a fight with someone is not because everyone picks on her, but because she loves to play the victim and doesn't even notice it. She didn't like that one bit, but it's because ultimately she had to accept that I know her best, so I wasn't lying when I said it. Highschool friendships are the most fragile, yet I'm still good friends with my elementary classmates. Go figure. Anyway, I know I just wrote you my whole biography [sorry =)], but I really hope this gives you a different perspective of the whole situation, and good luck to both of you.
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if you feel like your going to get angry, say i don't want to get angry, i won't get angry and that's that, hang up the phone, or ignore her for a while, until you're ready to talk.
if you can hear that she is getting angry think of a way to tell her to calm down
hope i helped :):):)
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