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best friend is having a really rough life at the moment
im 17/f best friend is 16.
3 years ago she smoked pot, not everyday but a lot. And last year she drank with me like lots of teenagers out there. Her parents(dad,step mom, birth mom already knew) found out around new years and she's been grounded since. they also called my parents and told them but my mom has done worse and said she'd feel guilty if she punished me.
So now her step mom tells her that it makes her sick to look at her, her dad says shes the biggest disappointment of his life, and her mother says shes an ungreatful spoiled B****.
Shes not a bad kid at all, she gets all A's and B's in school. She quit smoking because she hated it, she probably has one drink twice a year, she doesnt stay out late, she doesnt even go out on weekends. She doesn't deserve this. She used to be a really strong person and for the most part she is but lately she's been calling me sobbing because of the things her parents say to her and nobody really believes her because her parents are really dedicated members of their catholic church but at home they scream and curse in her face and i know its true because i've been on the phone with her when its happened. Her father has told her to stop F***ing up her life! and this is about something that happened YEARS AGO!
she was having a good week and then last wednesday she got in a fight with her dad (verbal), then thursday her mom called to tell her how worthless she is, friday she got blackmailed by some Freshmen girls at school and then Sunday her grandfather died. I don't even know how to help her anymore and i love her so much, shes always been there for me. i'm an only child but if people ask if i have siblings i automatically think of her because she's as close to a sister as i'm ever going to get.
i know shes going to be going through this grieving period and its hard to even have a conversation because i dont know what to say but shes just so happy that im there for her. i'm trying so desperately to make her happy even for 5 minutes, just to know that she smiled and i dont know how. Our phone conversations recently have been us sitting there basically listening to each other breathe. (She lives an hour away so i don't see her often)
has anyone been in this situation? help?
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This story almost made me cry. You know, we all make mistakes, but to do those things to someone you love, is unbearable. You can only be there for her like you are now. You might have her talk to the school counselor. You are such a good friend, you are a rarity. You are her rock. Keep telling her she is a good person, and everyone makes mistakes. What makes it bad, she gets no support from any parent, not one. You know, since her parents are dedicated to church, have her talk to the priest of the church she goes to. They are well educated in psychology. Hopefully, he is someone she likes. She needs to tell him the truth of everything of how she is being treated ,home, school, grandpa. She needs a hug. One more thing, It doesn't matter what your mom did in the past, she knows its something not healthy, I hope she encouraged you from doing those things. You are young, you still need guidence. I bet she did tell you that. I hope. Good luck with this, I hope things turn out okay for her. You are a good freind. You are helping her more than you know.
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I know exactly what you're talking about, and it is not easy being the one person your friend can count on. It takes a lot of effort and commitment to beign her faithful friend through the good times and the bad. Right now, you sticking with her through the bad is going to make this so much easier for your friend, most likely not easier for you, but your friend will be better off with you than without you. I know, from past experiences, that when in this situation, things can get HEAVY and at times, you don't know what to say. You don't have to say anything. Sometimes, just listening to her vent, or "breathe" [hahaa, I've done that numerous times] is helping her become the strong person she was before. You might not realize this now, but what you're doing is HUGE for her. Just talk her through it. Re-assure her and tell her that everything is going to be alright, because it WILL be. Sometimes, you'll need to take her mind off of it. Like, bring up something else. Say something funny like, "oh so you know that teacher that you bsolutley hate, well he tripped and fell in the middle of class yeaterday..." just something that will make her happy for even 2 seconds.
Tell her that you consider her your sister, and that you'd go to great lengths to make sure that she's ot sad anymore, even if that means baking her somehting. haha if you say somehting like that, it's guarenteed to put a smile on her face. Maybe frame a oicture of you 2 with like, a best friends saying on the top. So she can look at it and remember that she has someone there who cares about her, even in her darkest hours when her parents are emotionally abusing her. oh and try to relate to her problems with something that has happened to you in the past. that always helps.
She needs you right now, and by just being her friend and letting her vent to you and talk to you and just sitting in silence on the phone with you is helping her trmendously already. You're doing great, keep it up and she'll be stronger than ever [with your help] in no time :]
hope I helped ! good luck :] xxo it'll get better, I promise :]
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