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I'm a younger (52) having a problem with an older (86) friend neighbor
In my apartment complex where I live for 18 yrs, I met an older lady about 6 yrs ago. I have been pretty close to her...she says friends, I think neighbor. I live alone, divorced, no kids. She was married 46 yrs, 3 kids, doctors etc... she has a good financial situation when her husband passed, I live on ssdi right now. It's not about money...she does alot with her kids, grandkids, I am always alone. I have alot of health problems but she doesn't believe me cause "I look so good".
She demands my time, makes me feel guilty if I don't feel well, basically she doesn't believe me so, again, makes me feel guilty for not being there for her whenever she wants. And when I start spending more time with her, then she says I'm bugging her too much. She doesn't ever want to here anything negative, bad news, just wants me to be her little susie sunshine. I'm facing great health problems,cancer and more. I really would like to "drop her" as a friend and just be cordial in meeting...the store etc...but I was brought up to respect my elders. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I had a similar situation many years back. A woman who befriended me because I was very nice to her got a little too attached for my comfort, to the point of showing up at my door at 8am every morning. It didn't start off that way, but it graduated to that. I had told her many times she should call before coming and that 8 am was just too early for me, but...she didn't stop. It actually got creepy.
Obviously, her company is grating on your nerves, and I can see why. Some people are self serving. They find it hard to think about anyone but themselves. Make yourself scarce. Don't answer your phone or door if you don't want to get together with her at any particular time or go out and tell her you can't you have a million things to do. I wouldn't feel guilty about it at all. This has nothing to do with respect. You've been respectful, she hasn't. Anyway, she's a little old for you to have too much in common with her and an occasional cup of coffee together would be fine, if you choose, but people like that don't always know the boundaries. You don't owe her your undying friendship. The more scarce you make yourself, the easier it will be for you to do again and you will have a sense of relief.
I wish you well.
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You can respect someone and not feel
obligated to be there for someone 24/7.
Its also hard to respect someone who
doesn't respect you.
You need to talk to her. Tell her how you
feel. If she refuses to hear it, then you
need to tell her, "This is why I am no
longer going to be available to spend
more time with you."
She is lucky not to have health problems at
her age. Because she stays on the go she
just isn't understanding why you aren't.
Explain it to her and kindly go your own way.
Good luck with your own health problems. :)
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