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making him work too hard?
hello:) 18/female.
i have a good guy friend ben. we have a different relationship i guess you could say. he use to have a girlfriend of two and a half years but they recently just broke up. i'm the kind of girl who NEVER will text a guy first because i'm always paranoid that i'm being annoying or that they wont want to talk to me. well ben realized that we were not as close as we use to be and this was about 3 months ago when he was still going out with his girlfriend and he mentioned that he was the one who ALWAYS had to text me first. it's true, he does. but it's not like we talk everyday. we dont even talk every week. but when we text or see each other in person we talk about EVERYTHING like i tell ben sooo much because i trust him. the thing is, i've always liked ben as more than a "best friend" which is why its so hard for me to text him first. i overanalzye everything and if he didnt text back i'd feel stupid and start assuming he doesnt want to talk, etc. also when i dont know what to talk about i start being random and i also think that may be an annoyance. i'm just wondering though could not texting ben be a turn off? like making him always text me (when he ever even does) make him feel more distant from me? i just LOVE when he texts me first though because i know he wants to talk to me and it makes me happy :) i dont know what to do.
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if you start texting him first then his going to realize that you care and want to talk to him.then his going to start texting you more too.then slow down and his gonna do it without feeling like his bothering you .if you do like him i would try to get out of the friend zone and sent some messages.good luck.
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Hello,Well I think it could be a turn off about you not texting him frist because he wants to know that you want to talk to him,I am sure it makes him kinda happy when you text him as well just as it feels with you,but then again he may not like to text that much and like more personal interactions like when you guys talk in person,it maes the most sense. If you are comfortable with talking to him then it shouldnt be that weird texting him,you have to good communication skills with a guy and actually i dont beleive it is your fault when you text him,it takes two to have a conversation and if he isnt talking about much or not asking questions then the conversation may be dull and it may feel like it is your fault. I have had the same problem I mean sometimes guy dont communicate well and just dont like to text that much,you shouldnt think much of it that is just the way he is. I could see if you guys didnt have good or steady conversation in person then you would have something to worry about,and also if you guys arent leaning to a relationship or anything and are just good friends then you reaally have nothing to worry about,just calm down and go with the flow you have no need to be paranoid. Just dont worry and talk to him like you would a regualr friend and everything will fall into place!I hope this helped,if you have any further qustions I would be happy to help you on this topic or any other topic,just send me a private message,the best of luck to you!!!
SINCERLY,DIAMOND:)
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Your policy of 'not texting first' could absolutely be a turn off, but more importantly, its disrespectful and dishonest.
I'm SERIOUS. It's disrespectful, if you value and enjoy someone's company and friendship, to never show them that value by reaching out them. It's demanding, controlling and childish to sit back and delight each time they reaches out to you, but deliberately refuse to give them the same pleasure.
You need to get over this. It's part of growing up, and it's part of being a true friend. You need to learn to deal with the fact he wont get back to right away all the time and you need to learn to approach people. If you carry on with this insecurity into your adulthood, it will poison your relationships and seriously hamper your professional life. So work on it now. Pick up your phone when you find yourself thinking of him, and DEAL with whatever comes next. I swear to you it wont be as bad as your mind is making it out to be.
There is no trick. It will feel like shit at first, but if you don't learn to do it, you wont grow or improve as a person.
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