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I need to forget about him.
I'm 30, have a husband (3 years) and have feelings for someone else. the other person i met at a conference. we spent a lot of time that week together. he knows i'm married and he has a girlfriend so not much happened between us physically. i've never cheated before in my life. i dated a lot before i got married but have never had this kind of instant connection with someone before and it makes my heart warm and my stomach hurt everytime i think about him. he lives a 2 hour plane ride from me but i happened to be in his town for business last week. we met for a drink, talked about how we were doing for a couple of hours, hugged goodnight and that was it. now it's even worse - i can't stop thinking about him, it's affecting my daily life. i know it's stupid to think about leaving my husband and moving to be with him but i really can't help but this about it. i need some advice on what i can do to either help my current relationship so i can forget about this guy, and/or what you think i should do, if anything about him and/or how can i stop thinking about this other guy this way.
Please help me...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Its easy to feel like this is a real connection, but what this really is is passing excitement.
Thats what you have to realize. Often times in long relationships things can get stagnant or simply become routine enough to not provide the excitement you might seek.
When your life lacks excitement and you have something of a thrill seeking personality, its easy to start looking for it anywhere.
You've surely heard the term "Love at first sight"
This term is complete and utter bullshit. "Love at first sight means that someone is infatuated because of feelings of excitement that they seek.
My recommendation is to find a hobby. Often times people make the mistake of seeking the excitement in their life solely through relationships, we call these people serial daters because they end up breaking up with someone as soon as the spark is gone.
Its not a good way to be.
First advice is to get yourself out of the rut. Break your routine both alone and with your husband. Find something exciting and enjoyable that you can do on your own, and talk to him about how you've been feeling like you're in a rut and want to break out of it.
I'd recommend trying things both inside the bedroom and out. Get a book or video of Kama Sutra and watch it togther, fool around in public like horny teenagers, buy something sexy and surprise him when he gets home. Get out and do non sexual things with him too. Go on a trip somewhere, go out to a club dancing or go see a comedy show. Hell, go play minature golf and ride go-karts at your local celebration station. You're never too young for go-karts. Above all, communicate to him that you're bored and you want to do things with him. Believe me, he'll be down for go-karts.
And stay away from the guy. Temptation while in a rut is not a good idea.
You're 30, but you're being immature. You are still seeking thrills when you don't seem to be lacking a good man at home. Relationships require maintenance, and if this one with your husband isn't giving you what you need, you need to grow a metaphorical pair of nuts and talk to him about it. This is your job too.
Don't mistake what you're feeling for love, its just cheap thrills. You can get those plenty of other places, and you can work with your husband to spice things up.
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I'm not sure what the relationship is between you and your husband but may be you just aren't happy?
Honestly, This one is up to you. I can help you with my own opinion though. Honestly, Sometimes even though a person is married to someone we still don't find the right person until later in life. If you feel this person is the one for you and you have a strong connection with him as he does for you then you've got some thinking to do. Let me lay down some questions. :)
1. What do you think is the best thing for YOU and why?
If you aren't happy with your current husband then maybe it is indeed time to move on. If you think you can manage moving and being with this guy then maybe it is what you should do. However, If you do decide to go about it remember you should do it the right way and that is divorce. Time is short, but life goes on. The divorce may be hard to over come but remember it's better than cheating on your husband and if it all works out then you will be set to be married again on possibility.
BahaiMa22
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maybe your looking into another man because your relationship with your husband isnt that satisfying. well you have to ask yourself some questions, are you in love with your husband? if so, what are some things you do/dont like about him? maybe you could do more things to forget about the man, like rollarskating to add some excitment to you & your husbands relationship. remember, at the moment you are just crushing on another man. you don't even know if he feels the same way or can just be a flirt. i hoped i help you think about things a little more, good luck.
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