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Best friend no longer there
Thank you very much for being out there just waiting to selflessly give advice :)
Here's my problem:
My best friend has a new boyfriend and she is spending 24/7 with him (almost literally, this is college and people can do that easily)!
He is a really great guy: he is taking things slow physically, he does not seem like the jealous type (I am a guy, not a girl, so this is important) ect... However, I rarely see her anymore (as opposed to spending probably half our free time together before this guy came along). I have lots of other great friends, I date a lot of girls, and I have a great social life, but I really miss my best friend.
I have talked with her about it, hinting how hurt I am, but she just makes excuses, says that eventually (months down the road!) things will tone down a little (but still not get anywhere near normal!!) ect... If I were a little younger, I would just wait this out for a few weeks, but we are getting to the age (19) where these things can begin to last a LONG time. I feel like once its over, I can let her know, not only how bad for romantic relationships this sort of thing can be, but how much it hurt me as a friend. I trust that after that, she won't do it again in her next relationship. However, it seems like it could possibly be months or even years and until the relationship is over, I doubt I can make her see the light before then. What do I do?
-Hurt and Confused
PS if you think what she is doing is ok (I think its very wrong on two levels: hurting your friends AND unhealthy relationship) it is interesting to note that HE is still spending HOURS EVERY DAY with his friends, she just tags along
PPS I'm not close to my family, and I don't value significant others much (I enjoy the time with them, but I know it doesn't last). Therefore, needless to say, friends are far more important to me than they are to most people. Since this girl is (was?) my best friend, it would be difficult to overstate how important this is to me and how much it hurts.
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Well, Since i Am a girl I can completely See her position. I have been with my boyfreind for Three Years, and it was actually the opposite i Did not spend much time with him in the begining then/now i spend almost every day with him, but when i realized my BEST friends werent calling me or wanting to hang out anymore, i became very hurt myself, and decided that i haveo have time for them. So, I always invited them and took time away from my boyfreind for them because i agree being with someone 24/7 is unhealthy, and will eventually ruin thier relationship ( in my oppinion) And it is wrong she is completely seeming like she is cutting you out of her life. Okay, first my advice is to you. try not to think relationships are all....short. and dont last. because tht is not true i am sure you will find someone that you truly love and truly loves you. I agree frineds are more important. SO i think that you need to talk to her again and tell her that spending that much time with her boyfreind is going to eventually effect thier relationship, she is going to get bored, and miss spending time with her freinds, and tell her that you are her bestfriend, just be stright forward, and you are very hurt, and miss her very much. (dont let her think that your trying to sabotage her relationship, girls can be stupid) that you just want SOME time with her. i mean your her bestfreind, why doesnt she invited her boyfreind to come hang out wiht YOU and HER other friends, i would suggest that to her as well. Just let her know how you feel, and that you just want some of her time, and its not fair, but no matter what your there for her and support her, because then maybe she will see you truly are always going to be there for her, and she wont take you for granted. and she betterrr not ditch you for her boyfreind, because if she does then she is not it i am sorry to say, but i know down the road she willl be begging for your freindship back
SO this message was LONG but mostly be straight forward and honest with her, let her know how you feel about her unhealthy relationship and ATTATCHMENT to her boyfreind, and how you miss her, and want just some of her time!
LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES :D
..send me a privattte messagee sometimee about it
.. CeCee :D
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You're right - this is NOT okay of her to be doing. Honestly, some people are like that and it sucks really bad. I'm going through the same thing with my 'guy' best friend. What I've learned through it all is that you truely learn who your real friends are after high school. I hate to say this but your 'best friend' isn't mature enough to handle both friendships and relationships at the same time. It's not fair and I know you feel hurt and crushed that you're losing your best friend but it's how todays immature society works now a days. Trust me - not everyone is like that. For example, in my relationship - I make a strong effort to make sure my outside friends are still getting the attention they deserve. So there are people out there that don't abandon their friends the second they get into a relationship but it's really rare to find. I guess my advice here is, be strong and try to move on. Always be there for her if something bad happens or if she needs you - but unfourtunately it sounds like shes not going to change and you're just waisting your time waiting around for her. I'm sorry you have to go through this but life lessons are what help us make it and become a stronger person right? Good Luck!
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Hello, how long have you guys been bestfriends and has she had previous short relationships whil you two were close? Well I can tell that she has a great liking for this guy which is why she is fpending mostly all of her time with you. I do not agree with the way she is trating you by not giving you as much attention and spending time with you when that is what she used to do, but you have to realize when a girl finds a great well good guy they tend to cling to them and want to spend every waking moment with him. It is really hard to balance two strong relationships when you are basically torn between the emotions of the two..you have a totally different realtionship with her than he does even though it may seem similar. If you have already talked to her about how much this is hurting you and she hasn't come around I am pretty sure she doesn't notice how much it really is hurting you emotionally. I think she thinks you are just not use to not being able to spend time with her. I think you should try to have one more heart to heart talk with her about your feelings and maybe she will begin to get the picture, if not then it will still take her time to balance the two realtionships but if not then she might not be worth your friendship if she is choosing him over her when you two have a strong relationship as well. Another factor you may not see is that you do not value significant others like you do friends while she does, having a significant other is very important to a girl, it brings joy to a girl in a different amount of ways. Does she seem like she values friendship as much as you,you seem to know her pretty well, like does she seem like the type of person to blow you off for a new beau? I don't think you should jump to conclusions yet and say WAS your bestfriend, in time you two will grow apart and just be good friends or not friends at all you don't want people in your life that value someone new more than you when you two have a rather strong bond.i hope this was helpful, If you have further questions i can be of aid If I wasnt specific enough or guided you in the right direction you can ask me a direct questions and I hope it works for you:)
SINCERLY,DIAMOND
P.S update me on how things go I hope well,remember everything happens for a reason whether good or bad and everything in life is temporary there are true friends that stick around and the ones that are here for a period of time, you will know the true ones:)
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