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not connecting sexually?
(17/f) I am with a guy right now who I have known and been friends with forever. I really like him, but I am afraid we arent able to connect sexually. Two out of three times we tried having sex, he had a hard time going inside of me and kept going soft. The one time we did do it we were drunk. Both of us were not virgins before, so I am afraid this is only happening because we arent able to connect on that sexual level. I like him a lot, but are we better just as friends? Any advice is appreciated
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He's scared shitless of screwing this up, and is putting pressure on himself to perform that is causing him to not be able to.
You've been friends forever and now you're dating. I can almost guarantee he's been waiting for this for YEARS. Guys will be friends with a girl hoping she comes around for ages. Now that he's actually got what he wants, he's probably terrified of losing it.
For not being a virgin... "not able to connect sexually"?
When a guy can't get hard for you, its not because of you. Its because theres something wrong with him emotionally or physically somehow, I'm guessing emotionally.
First, no more sex. You two need some more time to get comfy around each other. It seems like you two probably rushed into sex. Just because you two were friends before doesn't mean the romance is going to come immediately. This is a whole new kind of relationship, and you both need to take things slowly.
I think I can understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you like this guy alot, and you feel rejected. You've built this up into such a huge thing, that it feels like you just want a resolution, you want it to work or not work so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
It doesn't work that way.
Let me tell you a story.
The girl I'm currently dating (4 years tomorrow, actually) and I had a somewhat rocky start. We knew each other and were pretty close friends for about a year before we started dating, and so we jumped right into intimacy too. As in, sex on the first date.
It didn't work. She was terrified of not being good enough because I was far more experienced, and her shell shock and nervousness bled over into me.
Couldn't get hard to save my life (which had never happened to me before) and I was mortified and embarrassed in the extreme. I considered just going home and calling the whole thing a big mistake.
I didn't. We hung out, watched some movies, ordered Chinese, and wrestled around resulting in many bruises and much laughter before passing out cold.
The next day, I woke up without the problems of the previous night, and we had quite a nice hello.
And no, I don't think sex on the first date is a good idea. Lets just say it was an obstacle we had to overcome.
Point being, is that comfort was required, and we both had to get over that initial discomfort. That can take a while. Give him time, and give yourself time. Its way too early to throw in the towel.
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I think you need to sit down and talk about the level your relationship is at and tell him that you really like him and that you want to have sex with him because you feel comfortable enough with him and just basically tell him how you feel and im sure he will start connecting with you the way you want him to :D
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