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Jealousy and or insecurity
So, I met my current girlfriend at work. After she got moved to another store, we decided to date, and I soon after quit working for the company all together. At her new store, she works overnight shifts which require her to be by herself with one other clerk employee from 12:30am until 8am. She has befriended one of the overnight clerks that she works with (there are only two) and this clerk is the only person she has made friends with at this new store.
My girlfriend and I have been together six months, and there is quite an age difference between us. The clerk is closer to my girfriend's age than I am, so that makes me insecure. She assures me all the time that she doesn't like this clerk in "that way" at all, but I still get nervous. The clerk is gay (as am I, and obviously, my girlfriend) so it does broaden the chances of something happening between the two of them.
My girlfriend has told me before that she has gone out to breakfast with Angela (the clerk), but at first she told me that she just went to breakfast then randomly told me a week or so later that it was with Angela. Angela has also come over to my girlfriend's place for breakfast and spent 3 hours there, after working by themselves for eight hours.
My girlfriend informed me the other day that Angela broke up with her girlfriend, so my girlfriend is going to take Angela to one of the local gay bars to "meet someone new".
My girlfriend has said before that she'd been worried about "gravitating towards someone else" because distance has been an issue between the two of us, and I have told her my discomfort with Angela and she said if it bothered me then she wouldn't hang out with her outside of work. (Sorry if this seems scattered, just trying to hit all the details.)
So, am I out of line in wanting to tell her that I don't want her going out to the bar with Angela? Am I out of line in being uncomfortable with the two of them being together outside of work, and even inside of work since they spend so long together by themselves (aside from the stray customers)? Help please.
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Why can't you go to the bar with the two of them. Why can't you all hang out sometime. Maybe get to know this Angela girl, maybe she isn't half bad and really friends with your girlfriend. jealousy is a major problem in relationships and i know the people you work with become good friends because your with each other for so many hours and talk to each other about your problems, etc. that can also cause problems. rumors etc. try talking to your girlfriend. seeing if you cant go to the bar to.. or maybe all of you go out to dinner or something.
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First off, I think it's totally ok for you to be jealous/insecure in this situation. It's good that you've talked to your girlfriend about, and it's nice that she even offered to stop seeing Angela outside of work.
However, I don't think you should force her to do that. I think you should let her spend time with other people, especially since Angela needs somebody to comfort her and help her through her break up right now. And you mentioned that Angela if your girlfriend's only friend at the store, would you expect them to NOT become friends? I mean, how awkward and uncomfortable would it be if they spent the night at the store NOT talking or making any contact with one another?
Why not go WITH Angela and your girlfriend to the bar? I think that is a simple solution to an unnecessary problem :)
Other than that, why don't you start hanging out with them? Like I said above, you should let your girlfriend spend time with her, but why don't you ask if you can tag along every once in a while? This way, you're spending time with your girlfriend and she still gets to see Angela.
Another idea, is to maybe ask her to spend less time with Angela, but NOT cut off ties altogether? That's really all I have...
This is really something you and your girlfriend need to talk about, and solve yourselves, as I'm not in the relationship with you.
Good luck!
-Laura (16-f)
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It's alright to feel uncomfortable. Have you ever tried to hang out with your girlfriend, and angela? Perhaps you all three can be friends? It's nice to be friends with co-workers. It givers your girlfriend someone to talk to about things that may be going on between you and her, or just other things she doesn't want to go directly to you about.
It's okay to not want them to hang out. I don't see how long that'll last though, it'll probable just make her lie to you and go hang out with her behind your back.
I'd suggest really trying t get close to your girlfriend and Angela. So that way you seem loving and caring, and interested in being Angelas friend. If you then can find trust between you, your girlfriend and this girl Angela perhaps there won't be so much discomfort and insecuirty.
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