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Best friend trouble
14/f
I'm sorry this is going to be sort of long.
Sometimes a really...well, sometimes I HATE my best friend. I know that's a really bad thing to say, but that's really how I feel sometimes. She never wants to do the same things I do-like when I say, do you want to come over? She says, flat out, no, which is not only rude, but it's really hurtful, or if I want to go on a walk, I always have to talk her into it, otherwise she says she's "too tired". I can never have fun with her-like if I say, I love you! She starts freaking out on me and calls me a lesbo, so I can never say that to her. And the most annoying thing she does is she ALWAYS cancels on me! Here's what normally happens:
I invite her over for a sleepover 2 weeks before. She says yes, and we get all excited and start planning out our sleepover. I have to bend and negotiate with my parents for it to happen- usually something like double chores, a lot of begging, or etc. So for the two weeks we talk about it and whatever. Then the night of the sleepover, the phone rings, I pick it up, and she's on the other line. Here's what she says: "Hey. Uhm, I can't come." The excuses are normally: 'I'm tired.', 'I don't feel like it.' 'My stomach/head hurts.', 'My parents don't feel good.', 'I haven't seen my mom for two days.', or 'I have too much homework.' Something along those lines. Once it was something totally out of the blue--her dad broke his foot, so apparently she couldn't come over. This really wouldn't bother me, but it's just that it's happened more than once. Actually, WAY more than once. Maybe fifty or so times.
So I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her about it, but she gets all upset, and she doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I really love my best friend, I've known her since 3rd grade, so I don't want to end our friendship. I really need help! I'm sorry that was so long.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Toxic friendships end up hurting you in the end. Maybe you should think about either distancing yourself from her or having an open heart-to-heart conversation with her about what is bothering you, which is basically everything you told us above. It's hard for people to change their little habits. You should start hanging out with more people and find another best friend. Maybe stay friends with this girl and talk to others so you can ease into it and little by little separate yourself from her. Just because you guys have been together forever doesn't mean you should be comfortable with the annoying, if familiar. That was probably not what you wanted to hear. Just talk to her about your relationship and see what to do from there. If she doesn't react well, then find another. If she wants to patch things up, that's great. Good luck.
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i have a so called best friend just like that too. i wouldn't call that type of person a friend at all. i say you start making new friends and hang out with other people so that you wont get your plans canceled and ruined once again. trust me, one day she'll get sick of her own lies and excuses and she's gonna come back to being your friend.
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Hey, my name is Faith42 :)
I think your friend isn't a really GOOD friend. I think you should REALLY have a good talk to her about how you feel. You can't help it if she get's upset. That's not really fair to you...to make plans ...and have to do a lot of work to get to go places, and than having her break the plans . Tell her that... it takes a lot of work to make plans...and it's not fair for you at all. You don't have to end your friendship with your friend. Just, talk to her.... let her know how you feel, and understand how she feels. Everything will work out! I hope I helped,
Faith42 :)
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this has happend to me to.
i say you should sit down with her and be like why do you all ways cancel? and state what your feeling dont hold back. if she ignors that your really hurt by what shes doing. then she isnt really a good best frined. i hope i helped
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It must be really frustrating but I know how you feel I have experianced friends jut like that. It all depends on one thing, does she do this to only you or everyone else? If its just you then forget about her you deserve a friend that will make you happy and enjoys the same things as you do. If she doesnt seem to go out with anyone then she could have issues of her own. maybe shes depressed usually when people get older they change and they lose interest in things they once loved to do. maybe somethings wrong with her if shes always tired it might not be you its her. My friend would make plans with me all the time then last minute she would cancel and stay home by herself it got me really mad but I realized shes not comfortable with going out anymore
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Hey there :)
Well, you're probably not going to like my answer, but I'm going to tell you anyway. She is NOT a good best friend. A best friend is always there for you, doesn't make excuses, enjoys your company... and to be honest she doesn't even seem to want to be your best friend. I can't help but think you deserve a better best friend. My advice is don't beg her to go out, don't try and convince her... That's what probably annoys her even more =/ ... leave her alone, give her the cold shoulder and see her reaction. Sometimes people don't know what they have until it's gone, you seem like a great friend so there's no reason why she should be treating you this way. Good luck!
Flirty :)
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