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providing elder care to my mom
I am a 55 year old female; very interested in the healthcare field, studied for 8 years, am certified massage therapist, have experience in studying energy medicine. Now my 80 year old mother is living home but is missing some of her capacities. My dad died about 3 years ago, my brother lives with her and has a full time job so he's home only at night.
Because of my experience, I felt like the right person to provide her with some help. She has piles of magazines & catalogues all over the house but doesn't want them moved so it's difficult to clean. When I gave her a massage she ended up telling me what to do and when I try to help her make healthy choices in her food, she complained about all my cooking and I found stashes of cookies and candy anyway. I am frustrated, to say the least.
The bottom line is: should I stay or should I go?
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sometimes, it is more frustrating to deal with a person you love than a complete stranger. Only you can decide whether to stay, or not, but if you are thinking about leaving you have to also consider how you will feel about that decision after your mother passes away. One tactic that you could try when you are getting frustrated is to disassociate. Pretend to yourself she is a typical nonrelated patient. You may not get as upset, or take her bad behavior as personally if you imagine your not as invested as you really are. Maybe there is some sort of compromise, too. There are some senior daycare centers, or perhaps hiring a caretaker for a couple of days a week might give you a well needed break.
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Well, first off, don't leave her because she is your mom. I think you know that your mom won't be around forever, and therefore, while she needs your support and care you should help her the best you can if possible.
She seems to be very stubborn just like the typical elderly person. I know from experience with watching my mom in handling her parents, that the older a person gets the more apt they are for stubbornness.
While she stubbornly refuses you to help her clean up her place and is slightly bossy, this is normal. The elderly don't want you to disrupt their lives and take things from them. The instance with her stashing the cookies and candy I think is where you're going to have to give her some leeway. She's lived the majority of her life, and if that's what makes her happy, then let her eat some candy.
My Poppy is a diabetic, and has also had various heart and lung problems. He gets sick a lot these days and he always ends up in the hospital for a few days. Due to his sickness, when he tries to eat something he shouldn't, my mom tells her mother "Mom, just let him eat it if it makes him happy. We don't know how much longer he'll be here." It sounds awful, but seeing that your mom has lived a long life in which I'm sure you and your family have filled her with an adundance of love and care, it's time for her to hang up her armor of responsibility.
Be strong, and help her out the most you can. You'll be blessed and you'll be glad you were there with her. Spending this time with her will also give you time with her you wouldn't have had otherwise.
Stick in there and Good luck..!! :)
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