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Boyfriend trouble.
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been having trouble lately. We broke it off for a bit because we thought it would be best. But now we're talking again. You see, he wasn't the best boyfriend in the world. I mean, he's a great guy...he's loyal and truthful and he really does love me (and I also love him)...but he never did that stuff boyfriends do, all the little things. All the sweet little gestures that let you know he cares. Is that asking for too much? He told me he's gonna try to do some of that, but he can't change his whole personality. Should I stay with him and see if it works?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You cant change a guy and if you tell them to change you might find yourself single anyway.
My ex was the same as your boyfriend, and as much as i asked him to be more affectionate and romantic, he just wasnt like that... And i loved him, and he loved me. But after our relationship fell apart (for other reasons) i found someone who is EVERYTHING i want and more!
There is someone perfect out there for everyone. Im walking proof!
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A lot of little romantic things that guys do when you first meet them dissappear over time. If he used to do those little things, but has since stopped, you know that it isn't because he doesn't know how. If he never did them before, maybe he has no idea what your looking for. A lot of times, if you guys have an on again off again relationship, the guy might feel like a sucker if he's being romantic. The thing that sucks is that you can never really get the satisfaction if you tell him what it is you want him to do, because part of the specialness of those little things is they are unexpected and sweet. use positive reinforcement. If he does something sweet, be sweet and happy right back so he will think, "Hey, when I do this kind of stuff she is really happy." One of the best ways to get a guy to do sweet things for you is doing sweet things for him.
Another thing, if you are questioning the relationship maybe you are doing so because it's not really what you want and you are looking for an excuse to get out of it. Think about why you are with him. If the number one answer is "because I am used to him. Or because I don't want him to be with anyone else" it is time to rethink things.
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i think that if he's loyal, truthful and really loves you, then he's a great boyfriend. sweet little gestures are nice, but its very rare that you find someone who cares about so much. if you really want him to act more "boyfriendy" tell him. or act more "girlfriendy" to him. you should give him a chance and stay with him. lacking sweet gestures doesn't sound like a very valid reason to break up. good luck!
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You didn't list an age, so I will assume you are in your teens. I mention this because in your young life and the many relationships you will have, you are going to be searching for what is in front of you already
"loyal and truthful and loves you"
Any guy will do the "little" stuff. Especially at first... It's the only way we can con girls to sleep with us.
So you may want to consider instrad of him changing pieces of his personality how much of your personality is willing to put up with what will always fall short.
Relationships are work. Sure you guys may not seem like a storybook couple, but I will bet 20 bucks that your friends that are the storybook couple will be broken up in 6 months or marry young and lead a dead end life. (sounds rough, but you're young so you have years to make the mistakes us old timers have)
In the end, it's really up to you and how much you can stand. I would make a list of good and bad things, make a point system and really look on paper what he does good and bad, and weigh them out. It should be a lot clearer then.
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Yeah you should, maybe hes not sure what those little gestures are. I had a friend who was going out with one of my best girl friends, when she was really sad from her friend passing, he didnt know how to comfort her. Some guys dont know what they are doing half the time and wing it. Tell him, give him a list to remember, a good boyfriend opens doors for me, holds my hand, walks me to my door, holds me when im sad, walks me to my classes. Once hes got this stuff down he'll be a better boyfriend than you could ever imagine.
Good luck
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If you really do love him, there is no harm in giving him a chance to make things better. I would give myself a time line though. You can't expect him to be someone different, so give the relationship a set amount of time and part ways if things are not good by then. You have to stick to the time frame you set for yourself, or you could be doing this dance for years never truly getting what you want. If he is not the type of boyfriend you want, then you should just move on because there are plenty of guys who will do the small things and you will have that spark. People can make adjustments, but they will always be who they are and you can't change that. It would be fairer to you to begin with someone you feel more compatible with rather than settling.
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I know exactly how your feeling, my friend shana is going through the same exact thing.. and they've been together for almost 3 years now haha.. honeslty if you guys are in love with each other, I think you should handle it and stick it through, maybe he's scared to show his emotions towards you.. its pretty hard for a guy/male to do that, belive me.. if he says he's going to try and show being more affectionate towards belive hes trying, its just hard for him to show alittle. Confront him more, not in a pushy way but like talking to him, that your serious.. & he'll see in your eyes that it means a lot to you.. I really hope it works out with you guys. hope I helped =]
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