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he hates me.
i cant do anything right with my dad. he acts fine around my mom and when im with my sister but when im alone with him, whatever i do he gets mad at me and blows up and screams and yells. when i call my mom at work to ask her for a phone number or to ask where something is he screams at me, then when i try to tell my mom she says no he would never do that...lalala. i dont know what to do anymore. it really upsets me because i just want his approval but im afraid to tell him to stop. hes thrown things before, not at me, but like thrown a lamp and a carton of clementines. i dont want him to do it again. what should i do to get him to approve of me?
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First, tell your dad how much his approval matters to you. Second, realize that this is his shortcoming, not yours. You should not feel as if you have to search out the love of a parent, but obviously he is making you feel insecure. You are going to have to take the plunge and bring this up when the family is sitting at dinner, or something like that. Think about what you want to say first, and try to do it in a way that isn't going to put him on the defensive because then he will just close off and not bother to listen. Start it off with something like, "Dad, I love you, but I always get the feeling that I just annoy you. I want your approval, and I want harmony in this family, but I feel like I can't do anything right in your eyes." Bring up a couple of situations that he flipped out. If he gets defensive and starts to yell, deny, whatever, realize the conversation isn't going well and give up on it for the time being. however the conversation goes, your mother will have to start thinking about what you said. If all else fails, remember like I said, it is the parent's resposability to make a child feel loved and secure, and if he is coming up short it is his shortcoming, not yours. If you can't get a word in edgewise, a letter is something they can't interrupt.
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Talk to your mum (mom... Im aussie). If she doesnt listen, make her listen. Your dad shouldnt treat you like that. Perhaps theres something that you dont know about your past that could be the reason your father seems to hold a grudge. Maybe even talk to him ... when he's in a calm mood would be a good idea. Tell him he frightens you and just tell him how you feel. He is your parent. You shouldnt have to be afraid of your parent.
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