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What can I do to get my mom off by back?
Hi Im a female 17. lately I´ve been having lots of problems with my mom cause She went throught my cellphone and found a really x rated...erotic whatever you want to call it conversation with my bf (which she didn´t even know I had) it was about 6 messages long. And now she calls me hoe, vulgar. and says Im a minor and lots of crap. Im 17 and i think I have a right to explore my sexuality but safely, which I do. It sucks because now she makes me feel like crap with sarcasms and she even went to the cellphone company to check up on my messages and to who i write them. Its a total invasion of privacy i can´t even text my bf anymore and i don´t know what to do cause i really like him and my mom is making me want to seriusly die or kill myself.
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Honey, killing yourself is not the answer. Please talk to someone about this if you really feel that way. You will soon be 18 and before you know it out on your own and be able to have that privacy that you desire. It sounds like a long time off, but trust me time will go quickly.
I have to agree with the potential legal implications though. I know someone first hand who was arrested because of information stored on a phone.
While we'd like to think so, nothing we do on the internet or our phones is 100% private. That info can be intercepted in a variety of ways.
If you can try to always talk to your boyfriend in person or on a land line (provided she doesn't have a recording device attached to the phone) Of course this is a very primative way of communicating, but in my day we did not have text messages and got along without this. Sometimes parents would find hand written notes though, and we faced the same thing! So be careful with that too.
Now the fact that she is calling you names is very inappropiate. She's supposed to be the adult! I do not agree with that at all!
If you have a job maybe you can get your own pay as you go phone or something, but still be careful what you type and erase all texts after they are sent and read.
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Seriously, if the phone is paid by your mother then she has ever right to "snoop" through it at any time she pleases. I highly suggest you purchase your own phone with your own money and pay your own cell phone bills with your own cash. This can easily be accomplished by working a part-time job, even if it's during the weekends. The job will also encourage your mother to treat you more as an adult.
You ARE a minor, yes, and everything you do is the responsiblity of your mother. The erotic phone messages are technically ILLEGAL to send back and forth to someone from you because you're under 18. Seriously. If someone--say the police--catch you sending this somehow (FBI and whatnot do have access to cell phones so NOBODY really has privacy like you may think) then it's your mother who will serve time in jail. All it takes is your boyfriend sending the messages around to be funny with a few friends to get caught by authority. Your mother will actually be said to have endangered you by allowed sexual messages to go back and forth between you and whoever. I'm not kidding. Your mother is smart to have stopped this before you both got in trouble.
Your mother is probably calling you names so you'll realize that what you were doing is not something you want to be a part of in life. Chances are your mother has gone through scenarios like that and highly regrets it. The names she is calling you are names that your peers would be calling you if they found out and had a good head on their shoulders. I mean like these real-life scenarios:
1. You and your boyfriend break-up for some reason. He prints off copies of the paper to show EVERYONE in school. You are now perceived as a loose whore.
2. A few years pass and you forget all about the messages. Your boyfriend sent, unknowingly to you, them to a website with a photo or two of you. A co-worker approaches you and says, "Hey, I saw these photos of you. It had some stuff written there that you may want to have taken down...it was pretty...graphic." Then your coworkers think lowly of you, your boss is less likely to think of you for promotions, and you may get unwanted attention or teasing.
or it could be as simple as:
3. You said a lot of in-the-moment things to get you and your boyfriend all pumped up. The next time he sees you, he expects more of that--in person. You decide differently and tell him, "This just isn't the time. Really. I said those things because I let my hormones get the best of me..." He could dump you. He will probably think something like you were just leading him on to tease him. If you cannot explain clearly what happened--and NOT repeat it--then the relationship is doomed.
Saying these things make it harder to say, "No," when it comes to sex. Your boyfriend is more likely to pressure you and you are more likely to give in, even if you don't really want to do it. You are more likely to be left with emotional hurt because of a few heated messages when your hormones got the best of you.
So, if YOU didn't pay for the phone yourself with your own money, and if YOU don't pay the cell phone bill each month then it simply isn't your cell phone or your privacy. It's all your mother's then and, by law, she has every single right to go through it when she pleases--especially if she is the one that would get in trouble for YOUR illegal activity!
Sit down with your mother and discuss the possibility of you getting your own job to purchase your own cell phone and pay your own cell phone bills. This alone will help your mother to see you being more adult-like since you'd be taking on more responsibility. If you want to be an adult then take some more responsibility. Pay a few of the bills at home. Buy your own luxaries. Show your mother that you're maturing--not only physically and sexually--but mentally.
Hormones get the best of us when we're young, especially at an age like yours. Your mother knows this. She is only being a good, caring mother. She wants you to head down the right direction. Gather some maturity and she'll give you some more respect. She knows you're a horny 17 year old girl--duh. She's known that. That wasn't a surprise. The surprise was that she thought you were more responsible and smart to NOT do illegal, perverted things and suddenly it slapped her in the face. The respect she had for you as a "mature" 17 year old lady dwindled because she saw that you weren't thinking with your head as you should have been.
Your mother cares.
Don't try to get her off your back.
Just show her you can take responsibility for some things. Show her that you're maturing mentally too. Show her that you can learn to be an adult--not just "talk the talk" but actually "walk the walk" too.
Start by talking with your mother about finding a part-time job. Even just the discussion will help. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. When discussing with your mother about the job, remember not to get heated or name-call. Be simple. Just say something, "I was thinking about getting a part-time job. Like on the weekends or a few hours of the evenings after school. I think it would be good for me to learn about the real world and how hard actually WORKING is. I could use the money to pay my own cell phone bills. I'm ready to take on some responsibility, Mom. What do you think?"
That is a perfect start. ;)
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hey there sorry to hear about your issue with your mother, believe me i have seen my fair share with mine so i completely understand where you're coming from. what i would suggest you do is confront you mother with how you are feeling, tell her that you dont feel its right for her to be snooping through your personal belongings and if she wants to know what is going on in your life just to ask. Also explain to her that you're not a little girl anymore, that she has to let you be in charge of your own future and you would like to be able to come to her when you have a problem instead of being called a name or being accused of something your not. im not sure if you find it hard to talk with your mother but believe me it will help a great deal with trust so that way she isnt invading your life and accusing you of things even if you dont tell her everything coming to her and talking with her about what going on in your life will help. she probably is just feeling like you are pushing her out of your life because you're growing up so fast, going out with friends and not spending as much time with her, that she feels left in the dark, especially the fact that she didnt even know you had a boyfriend of six months.
if you have any other questions feel free to ask
good luck with your mom!
Brittni
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