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Mother is annoying and my husband dislikes her
My mother is so annoying and self-centered and my husband dislikes her intently. She calls our house 1-7x every day! She just moved back to our location and is a 3x widow in good shape. Holidays are hard because my husband and our 2 kids have always enjoyed being together and that is our time but now she wants to move back here and expect me to provide her happiness. She won't do anything to make friends of her own. I'm so stressed out about all of this and just need a little advice. I'm in my 50's and female. Thanks so much!
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I have to agree with solidadvice. Your mom must at least be in her 70's. Good shape or not, she probably isn't going to be one to get out and make friends.
Holidays are for family. She is part of your family weather your husband likes it or not. You realistically won't have her around for many more years. Your children may one day resent not getting to know her too.
I can understand you not wanting her at your house 27/7. Talk to her about that. Make her understand that you don't want that. You do have your own life. But, that does not mean she can't be a part of your life. She is family. Think about it. Do you want one of your children to treat you or your husband like this one day? That is what they are being taught right now. Its ok to ditch an old parent.
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She calls for two reasons. First, she cares deeply about you and your children. Secondly, she likes to be seen as independent but deep down is/must be rather lonely without her last husband.
She might not want to join groups out of fear she'll meet friends or maybe a man she feels attached to that may fade out of her life suddenly. Maybe the activities aren't what she enjoys to do to begin with. Ask her what she wants to do and help her do it.
50 years ago your mother put a lot of dreams, goals etc. etc. aside to raise you. That was HER time but she NEVER ever dreamed of thinking like that about you. It would have been entirely selfish to. I hate to say it but do you truly love your mother? ACT LIKE IT. Right now you and your husband come across as spoiled brats who can't see the good she once did for you.
If he doesn't like her that's fine but needs to be respectful. Your mother wants to be with her family and feels comfortable being with you and your kids. She may not live a lot longer. If you have room it's a small price to pay. You'll regret it when she's gone. Don't make a mistake.
This is your time? Once again pretty selfish and cold way to look at one's mother wanting to be in your life. Yes, you'll have to make a few sacrifices but I'm sure mom is old and wise enough to know when to make herself scarce so you, the kids and your husband can have downtime. I doubt very highly you'll be bending over backwards and at her beck and call 24/7
She's lonely, need support and hopefully by now you see that you owe her that much. She's held you up for 50 years.... surely you can put up with her for awhile and address what she needs.
There's no reason to be stressed as it can all be harmonious once you see that your motives are in fact the wrong ones. If you husband hates your mother tell him to suck it up. He's trying to manipulate you.
Your mother isn't self-centered but your husband sure sounds like it and sadly you do for agreeing with him. One of these days your mother will be dead. Don't wish then for the opportunities you have with her now and look back thinking you listened to him or others when you knew what was right all along direct inconvienence or not.
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