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Friend healing from end of 10 year relationship
My friend's boyfriend broke up with her unexpectedly 2 1/2 months ago after a 10 year long live-in relationship. She is obviously heartbroken, shocked, confused, afraid, angry, etc. Here's the trouble... Several of our other girlfriends are giving her terrible advice (i.e. You should try to make him jealous. You should start dating immediately. You just need to go out and party. If you want him back, you have to compete with the girls he's seeing and fight for him.) It is obvious to me that he doesn't want to be back in this relationship. Her efforts to get his attention and make him jealous are only resulting in further disappointment for her. What can I do to help her let go? She is still totally clinging to hope and hasn't moved into the "acceptance" stage of the grieving process. She is turning 40 this year, and that is also a great fear for her. She feels she gave the best years of her life to him and that she'll never have true romance again.
I wish I had better advice for her than some of my other friends, but I don't. I try to encourage her to look ahead to a bright future, to make plans for a bright future, that she deserves a bright future, that she is capable of crafting a bright future, and that she is intelligent, strong, and loved and supported by many, many people.
She just keeps trying to compete with the new girls he's seeing, and she'll never come out on top because he doesn't want to be with her. How can I help her see that? I am tired of watching her set herself up for what is turning out to be continuous, extreme disappointment.
OMFG
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Sounds like you are a good friend and trying to help. But sometimes people ask others for advice until someone tells them to do what they wanted to do anyway. That may be why she is listening to "bad advice."
Keep being supportive, spend time together doing things you enjoy. Help her to realize that she is deserving of someone who treats her well.
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I agree. You are an excellent friend to see the damage that all of this is doing to your friend. She's really lucky to have you.
Unfortunately, in life it seems there are only 2 ways to move on from a really hard relationship. To be in love with someone else or truly wanting to date other people or to be happy and fulfilled pursuing your interests in life. As a good friend; you can help her with the latter.
For a long time in my early 20's, I had problems meeting people when I was single and I read only the beginning of this book about intuition in love.
The first bit of advice it gave was to love yourself to the point where you're practically just dating yourself instead of waiting for some romantic interest to do it. Take yourself to dinner for your favorite food; take yourself to a movie. Take a class in something you're interested in.
I didn't even get to the end of the book before I met someone. Now; I'm not saying she's ready for a new relationship. But, the only real way for her to move on without a new guy is to have a serious and healthy romantic relationship with herself. After she's achieved that, if she wants; new men will come in a neverending stream.
But for right now; that should help her move on.
Also you may want to be frank with her that her guy won't come back by maybe using an example from your life of a guy's abandonment behavior so she doesn't feel like she's the only rejected person in the world. After 10 years, it's probably very hard for her and even your friends to grasp that he'll just move on. But, if you're sure his mind is made up; it's best she knows that you feel that way. It's important that you tell her in the best way possible so she doesn't feel like a loser; and that something like that has happened to you before if possible.
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1st of all your an amazing friend for looking out for your friend. She is one lucky person to have you in her life.
Breakups are always a tough situation. It takes time for an individual to see reality, and this is me talking about my own experience.
I would suggest you continue distracting her, and making her feel special and loved. Try to make her see that she is a tough girl that if he does't feel this way for her then why continue looking for him. How about taking some time away from town and just seeing the world from another part of town. Or even enrolling her into a type of hobby such as an art class or something that you both can cherish and that she can distract herself.
Just make her understand that she is worth more then competing with other girls. Repeat to her (over and over if possible) how gorgeous she is and how she doesn't deserve to be humiliated like that........You can also tell her a lil fib and say that if you ignore the man and those girls maybey this way he can realize how good he had it and come back to her........
It's a tough situation but I know that aslong as your aside her she will be just fine.........
Please feel free to contact me if you have further questions, hope I was of help>
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