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does it mean anything if colleagues touch your arm ?
In my company there is a colleague from America. (I'm a chinese ).Sometimes when he walks over and starts a conversation with me, he tends to touch on my arm (almost like just a brush ).I feel it too intimate because in my country colleagues of different sex normally don't have any body contact except handshake .
So I'm wondering is this normal in his culture or does he try to mean anything?
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Answering your second question put to me,
One, never take anything that comes out of Hollywood as normal behavior. It is common in some circles for a man to offer his arm to escort a lady, but the women has the choice to take it or not, besides, you have asked about what is proper in business. A familiar touch such as this is most often an invite, he's making the first move. You pull away, it tells him you're not interested, you don't and you accept his advances, or courtship if you like. Things may be different in different parts of the U.S., but all my experience in business says that, aside from a hand shake, you go out of your way not to touch someone and that goes double for a man when dealing with a women. Over here law suits start that way and many men are fired for less then that in some business. Some of those who run companies here are so paranoid about sexual harassment charges being brought that they often find it easier to fire the men that are accused of it.
It is a very one sided thing over here. Women often do it to men, but we can not take it for what it appears to be, an advancement. If we do, some women have turned around and charged sexual harassment. The trouble is, men can never know for sure if the women is interested, or just setting you up. I think we'll leave it there, you can probably tell that I have a great dis stain for this often time lopsided judicial system and thinking of life here in the United States, I may not like it, but even as poor sometimes that it is, I still think it is better then anything else, no offense.
If you feel you have a good working relationship with him, just ask him next time if his touch is meant as a come on, or if he just does not consider his light touches as meaning anything. Tell him you have spoken to other Americans who have suggested that it is an advance made toward you, then go from there. Tell him for his own good that it is considered improper in your culture in business for him to do this.
We do have the few people who will reach out and actually place their hand on your forearm or shoulder. We are rarely hung up on the occasional ACCIDENTAL brushing together if quarters are tight, but no, if you feel that it is intentional, it is not considered proper in our culture. I think most people are protective of their personal space and if you put it to this guy as, "I am uncomfortable with you getting so close and invading my personal space", he should understand this statement and back off. If he does not, ask someone else to intercede on your behalf and explain to him that it is considered improper in your culture for him to touch you.
Hope I helped
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Sometimes this means that the person is interested in dating you or seeing you outside of work, but sometimes this means that the person is only being friendly. The touch, in any way, is suppose to be sort-of a light bond--you two work together and if the company is "as close as family" then he may feel like the brush is just the way he'd touch his mother's arm.
Please do not feel bad about this. I highly recommend you ask him the next time why he does it. Since he KNOWS your Chinese and that your culture is different he will completely understand your questioning. Simply say, "Sometimes you touch my arm lightly. I am Chinese and we usually don't do things like that so I was wondering, does that mean something in America?" For all you know his response could be, "I didn't realize I was doing it!" or "It was just a friendly gesture because you're like a sister to me." I'm sure he will be fine with answering that question for you.
Don't be ashamed to ask. I'm sure he's well aware of the cultural differences and he probably has overlooked this contact. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, PLEASE let him know! It is perfectly acceptable to say, "It makes me a little uncomfortable when you lightly touch my arm sometimes because in my culture we do not do that. Could you please try to stop doing that?" He should definately understand, especially if you do it this politely. Being from America, he is probably use to hearing some really rude ways of saying that ;) (As an American, I must admit, we are a bit rude as far as various cultures go.)
So, like I said, it could mean a multitude of things. We, as Advicenators, do not really know since we are not in that situation at the time. It's sort of a at-the-moment contact--not well thought out so there is not a 100% certain explanation for doing it.
Just ask your colleague why he does what he does. If it makes you uncomfortable politely request that he stop doing it. If things get out of hand, speak to your boss or higher-up to get the problem resolved. You need to be comfortable at work so you get the job done right the first time.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
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