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My Girlfriends best kept secret
Dear Columnist,
I have a girlfriend, we've been together for a few weeks now, but she has already made it evident that she has secrets about her life that she is not comfortable with telling me. I was not too worried about them until her friends mother, (who she lives with) let me in on a big secret, but made me swear not to tell my girlfriend that I know. She told me last night because me and my girlfriend were fighting over sexual issues. The problem was, that I was kissing her, and touching her, and we were about to have sex, but all she wanted to do was kiss, and she was very reluctant to have sex, or touch me, but all she gave was a lot of far fetched excuses. This irritated me because this has been going on for the past week or so with her. After our fight, we still haven't truly made up, but I had time to talk 1 on 1 with her friends mother. I explained my situation, knowing that she is a very open person, and would have no problem offering her advice based on how we have talked about practically anything and everything since I have met the woman. But I did not expect what she was about to reveal to me by a long shot. We were sitting there in the living room just me and her, and she tells me that my girlfriend has some medical issues that she has been reluctant to tell me, and that might be the missing piece in this puzzle here. She then goes on to tell me that my girlfriend has heart issues, and explains them to me... I did not know how to feel about this, but it didn't seem life threatening, so I was still relaxed. Then she goes on to tell me that my girlfriend has Hepatitis C. This is a very serious condition; and I could be at a great risk of getting it from her. Since last night I have not been able to collect myself, and I've just been a wreck because now I feel like a jerk for pressuring her into sexual relations, when she was resisting, not because of me, but because she wanted to protect me, because she doesn't know if she can get me infected with the same dangerous disease. As far as I know, her knowledge on the disease is limited. Now I can't relax, because I want to tell her how sorry I am, and how I can't even explain how I feel about it, but on the same note I don't wanna blow her friend's mom's cover by saying how she revealed my girlfriends best kept secret. For this would hurt the relationship between myself and her friends mother, and she might not tell me any information ever again. I also feel upset towards my girlfriend for not telling me but I don't know what to do?!?
There's a whole bunch of emotion going on with me, I know I still love my girlfriend, but how do I handle this situation? Please help, the quicker the better..
Sincerely,
PeoplePerson27
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yeaa thats a really hard situation. but since she just seemed uncomfortable or emabbarsed with her disease i think you should wait till she is comfortable and ready to tell you. she might have a hard time telling people about it. just give her time and dont feel guilty you didn't know.
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Hey, yea that's a tough one. I don't think you should be mad at her for not telling you. She probably was just embaressed, maybe she thought you would break it off, if you knew. At least she was looking out for you. Now if you had sex and she didn't tell you, that would be bad. But maybe, give her a chance to tell you. Like something like.. "Is there anything you have ever wanted to tell me, that you thought i wouldn't want to know." or something like that. Maybe she would feel more comfortable telling you. I hope that helped.
xoxChels
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You and your girlfriend have only been dating for a few weeks so maybe she's not ready to tell you something as big as that. So relax she'll open up about it eventually. You should apologize for pressuring her into that and tell her that whenever she's ready to have sex and what not that it's all up to her and you can wait. That shows that she can trust you and depend on you. That's terrible that she has Hepatitis C and I'm sorry to hear that. Just relax and be thankful that she's trying to protect you. Don't tell her you know don't even hint at it. You both will be better off. I am not sure if i helped but
<3 Good Luck
~Meli
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I would venture that when she is ready to have sex with you she'll tell you about her condition. Since she's not ready to sleep with you, it's not something that maybe she feels she needs to share yet.
She is also facing possible rejection over this, judgment, anger, and all kinds of negative reactions because she doesn't know how you'll react. Hence a reason for her lack of sharing.
I would tell her you're sorry for pressuring her and stick to what she's comfortable with and let her set the pace. Also make yourself available to her for her to tell you the secret she's been alluding to. It's not out of bounds for you to tell her that you hope someday she'll tell you.
Clearly this can't go on forever, but since you know what the deal is, hopefully this will increase your patience. And you can make it up to her for pressuring her by being understanding when she finally shares her secret.
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Wow, all this happening in such a little amount of time? Maybe you should give her some space. OPTIONAL: Be very careful with even kissing her. Treat her like an angel, or something that could break if you touched her in the lightest way. NOT OPTIONAL: Then, in a couple more weeks (or now) ask her if she wants to tell you anyting. Tell her one of your own secrets. If she doesn't tell you any of the secrets that you discussed with her friends mom don't make a big deal about it. She will tell you when she is ready.. In the mean time, tell her you are sorry that you pressured her into almost having sex with you when she was not ready. And tell her you will never do that again. Love her.
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Whoa, that's hard to deal with. I'm sorry. But I think that you should just apologize to her for pressuring her into sexual relations, and that you could tell she didn't want to.
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