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'so called friend' and family
Hey there, im 16f. I really am starting to think that everyone in my family is starting to take me for granted and just, not appreciate me. I am the middle child, that may be part of it, but. I live with my mom, my older bro 17, and my younger sis 10. A few examples are, when i do dishes, no body notices because my bro dirties them all up about ten minutes later, when i spend time with my family they treat me as if im an outsider.
- I had this really good friend that dumped me for my bro and is currently sleeping with him. My mom treats her as a replacement for me. Thats how i feel since my mom always invites her over even though i despise this girl now (she comes over enough as it is to see my brother), has 'private' convos about her life with this gal (stuff i don't know is happnin in her life), spends quality time with her, and doesn't care that im hurt seeing this 'so-called friend' suck faces with my bro. Besides he has three other girls hes going with right now! Today, my sister started crying, i did't even know, and my mom was like "hey, did you hit her or something!!" and I was thinking 'jeeze, i did't even know' and it is NOT like me at all to hit someone or be mean or anything like that. But my mom seems to think everythings pretty much my fault, except when my bros around. Hes a troublemaker. I work pretty much eveyday of the week. Part-time after school and on weekends. I would much rather be at work then at home, at least i can see everybody in my town, have a real conversation, and know these people appreciate me. I am very independant, and when i come home its like 'I don't belong here.' Because there is my 'so called friend' on the couch living here. Shes here every night. I don't like looking at her for too long. Whenever I help my sister with her homework for example, my sister will ask how do you spell 'pineapple' and i will tell her, but she isn't listening, so she gets mad and i tell her again, and she is still not listening. My mom then says to me "why won't you tell her the word?! it isn't too hard!" and i get in shit for trying to help her with her homework. Then, two minutes later, my 'so-called friend' walks in, and since she is so goody goody with my sis, she helps her and they are total best friends. That is how easy i am replaced. I don't like being in my home being degraded most the time. It doesn't make me feel appreciated at all. I keep a positive attitude, and now mostly try to keep to myself at home because of this. I basically spend most my time in my room. What do I do?! I am slowly getting pushed down into a pit.
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hello
sarline here
the best answer i can give you is to talk to your mom and bro. try to get along with her and if that dosen't work make a distance between each other. get to know and make a schedule of when she can come over and talk to your brother about it.
tell your mom how you fell and make her understand. (call a family meeting and discuss your problems). let your voice be heard.
i have been in your shoes before and know how you feel.
bye write back
sarline
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ADVICE
Well I am gonna be straight with you, frist off I would confront this so called friend. There are unresolved issues with her you need to handle. This friend hurt you, and no one else seems to take that into account. I am sure you feel betrayed and used by her, and know she is a part of the home fixture because of your brother seeing her. I agree that a face to face talk with your mother is in order. Your mother needs to understand how hard it is to be around a person that did this to you. I know your brother is seeing her, but I feel that when you talk to your mother you need to ask her if they could possibily go hang out somewhere else. Your mother allowing this girl so much freedom their bothers me. Have you been upfront with her. Does your mother relize that your brother has other girls and just not her? It does sound like things are a bit out of control. Your mother seems destracted by the examples you gave. Your mother needs to put her foot down on some things that are going on. She needs to pay more attention to whats going on with your brother. Is your mom prepared to be a grandma? Seems like she is sending the message to your brother that this behavior is acceptable. As far as your so called friend, is she not getting kindof what she has comming to her? If you brother is acting and doing what you said, is she not being used by him? What goes around comes back around. I understand how you must feel. Your taking on alot of responability and it seems like no one cares or even notices because they it to many other things going on at once. I would talk to your mother and stress all these things, and ask her to please not allow your so called friend around so much. Suggest that they hang out somewhere else for awhile you need some down time. Also I think you need to comfront the so called friend and get those feelings out of your system. I hope this helps please update me on the home front...
onedayatatime
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You've got some problems hun, but break them down first.
One of the most important things to learn in this world is how to separate your problems and identify the most serious ones.
I don't think your ex-friend is the real problem here.
Sure, her constant being around is a problem, but your real problem is that your communication with your mother has completely broken down.
You can't start dealing with the other problems (You feeling replaced. You being overworked and stressed. You being misunderstood at home.) until you establish better communication with your mom.
You are a teen, no matter how mature you might be, so your relationship with your parent is going to mean a lot about how pleasant your home life is. The parent set the tone for how each sibling is treated and how the family opperates.
So, sit your mom down and have some alone time with her. Schedule it with her if that is what it takes to get it done. This is the time to tell her how you feel. Don’t accuse or whine. tell Just say how you feel. Like this: “Mom, I’ve been really upset lately and feeling unwanted at home. I’m doing a lot of work and trying to be really responsible but no one seems to notice or appreciate me. I’m totally stressed out and miserable. What’s going on? What am I doing wrong?”
Don’t bitch or moan or accuse her, those are all things we do to avoid being really honest. The most honest thing you’ve got in your pain. Share that with her! Let her know some of things she might not realize, but say them in polite ways: her you try to help you sister and it hurts that she doesn’t see it and tell her you are uncomfortable at home because that girl seems to always be around.
“Seems” and “I think” are good phrases. That lets your mom know that it’s the way you perceive things. So even if she thinks that isn’t really the way it is, you are letting her know that is the way it feels too you.
Start there. That's the problem that is making all the other problems even harder to handle. Then work on the others.
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