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College Roommate
My roommate in college, Julie, never ever aknowledges me. I don't know what if she has a problem with me or what. When she comes home she goes straight to another girl to talk about her upcoming trip, her problem, or ask to run an errand with her. Of course, if noone else is around to do with she'll ask me which is almost never since there are 4 of us girls. I want to confront her because it absolutely bothers and annoys the hell out of me. I also feel she does not care too much about me.
(example when one of our roommates when for a check up Julie could not stop talking about how she hopes it goes okay, when it was nothing major it was just a check up on the knee, but when I had 2 appts for something very serious (that could have surgeries) she seemed to have cared less.)
Anyways, what do i do? write a letter? if so, what do i say without sounding like a jerk?!
Thanks,
5 stars
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
ADVICE
Well being upfront with her is important. The example you just gave would be a good way to point it out to her. It would show how ignored and left out she makes you feel. You could also try to get more envolved with whats going on with everyone there. Make your presence known even if your just being silly, get their attention more often. If she continues to just go to her room and acts the same way after you have a meaningful conversation with her, then this is what I suggest. Start making some other friends, bring them in so you have your own company around that does not involve her. Once she sees how independant you've become and how much time others want to spend with you, it might give her the outlook as if maybe she was missing out on something all along. People take things for grant it every day when it comes to friendships. they just expect you to b their when they need you, but often times they are not the same way when it comes to you. They are just not around. Friendship is a two way street expect to get back what you give. If they can not, or are not willing to, then this is not someone I would call a true friend. Only invest time with those that return the same actions you give. If you the kind of person that is their for a friend no matter what, then dont reamin friends with someone who is never there for you when you need them. No one is perfect either, and their may be something that she is not telling you, that is behind how she is acting. You will never know until you confront her, and you dont have to be mean or be a jerk, just be upfront and talk in a normal tone. Do it in private between you and her, ith no one else around. If she continues on after that talk in the same manner, it seems pretty clear this is a one sided friendship. I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck. Let me know how it goes, or if you need any more advice.
onedayatatime
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Um, I'm afraid unless there is more to this story, you really shouldn't be 'confronting' her or writing any letter. That would be kind of jerky. More accurately: It would be picking a fight.
She doesn't much like you. Fine. You aren't required to like everyone you live with in college. I've had almost 20 different roommates in my life, and I didn't like them all of them. In fact, one or two, I kind of loathed. In my childhood home, there were 14 kids who passed through, or stayed for years, at one point or another. I didn’t like all them either! And I’m related to some of them.
It's OKAY not to like everyone you live with. She's allowed not to like you and you are allowed not to like her. She's allowed not to give a damn about you, it hurts a bit, but she is. You don't HAVE TO enjoy one another or get along.
You only have to be civil and respectful.
Now, you can try to be better friends with her. Invite her out, make small talk, put in the extra effort to be her pal… but she might just not be feeling it. She might just be self-involved or she might just not like you.
If, after gently letting her know that you'd like to be on better terms with her (and this is NOT CONFRONTING HER, this is YOU TRYING TO BE A BETTER FRIEND TO HER), if she still doesn't respond, shrug your shoulders and stop letting it get to you. Not everyone in this world is gonna love ya. Just be friendly and polite, only 'confront' her if she deliberately disrespectful to you.
The fact that she doesn’t run to talk to you, or care too much about your problems… that isn’t disrespectful, that just isn’t a friend, and she doesn’t have to be your friend.
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