|
Maybe I should just disappear
Male, 25.
I'll keep it quick.
My girlfriend went away for a year overseas. We kept in touch, and everything.
But when she came back, it's like we're constantly at odds. I mean, we were one of those classical bickering couples already. But now she's seemingly intolerant of just everything I do. And she's increasingly stopped being patient when I can't do something with her because of me observing religious occasions. I mean, she used to be cool with our religious differences, and now she acts like the same things I've always done are now inconvenient for her.
What's adding to my problems is that I'm starting to realize that I've been nursing a crush on a long-time female friend, who just recently finally managed to land the man she's always wanted.
I'm too honest to turn on a committment like the kind I made to my girlfriend, and I'm too kind to tell my friend my feelings which could cause problems for her.
Honestly, I feel like if things go on as they are, I'm going to go crazy or have a breakdown or drive my car into a tree. But regardless of the options available to me, there is no path that doesn't make me the villain.
The only course I seem to have left is simply cut ties with my friend, and see my relationship to whatever end it may take. And when it does end, just never bother with it again.
Anyone have a better solution for me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Honestly, your solution isnt half bad.
Theres one thing about it though. The decision you posted you're doing the right things the wrong way.
You do need to reign in and keep ahold of your crush. Crushes are crushes, and if she really is in love with someone else, I'd let that do whatever its going to do. Its not good to interfere in someones life without a good reason (things would be different if you'd been exchanging longing looks and letters tinged with romantic innuendo for a while with said friend)
As to your relationship, you might want to think about what you really want here...
I mean, it is YOUR life too, and you shouldn't just "see it to its end, wherever that might be"
You need to sit down and talk to your girlfriend about how things have changed, and if shes changed. No accusations, no tearful guilt tripping. A quiet, calm, matter of fact "where exactly do you stand with us, sweetheart"
Decide for yourself if you WANT to maintain your relationship, or let it go. The easiest approach is "You seem upset with things you weren't, we're fighting all the time, I don't feel like we're on the same side anymore. Are we?"
Same way, if you do want to continue and save the relationship, tell her so. "I want to stay with you. I want to work us out. But I can't do it alone, and if you don't want this, I'd rather not spend the next several months to a year at each other's throats"
Something along those lines.
]
if your female friend is in a relationship ending contact with her would be a good idea. if you care about her let her be happy with the mad she has always wanted
as for your girlfriend maybe you guys arn't ment to work things out and believe me stressing about it will not help you with anything it will cause more problems may lead to depression. try the single life for a little bit take a break. good luck i hope i could help.
]
Not really.
You are absolutely right about the mature way to deal with this:
Limit the contact with your female friend so you can avoid an unpleasant situation for the both of you. Remember that you feelings for her are not taking place in a vacuum. There are a lot of other things going on, including your own unhappiness in your relationship, and her excitement with her new relationship. It's pretty normal for a person to look for a happy fantasy connection outside of their relationship when the relationship is patchy. It’s even more natural to dwell on that sort of crush if you think it’s impossible. It’s a very safe place to direct your emotions.
As for your girlfriend:
If you have already given up on this relationship, then start leaving. Your question implies you have no hope left for a happy conclusion. If that is the case, there is no reason to stick around another day longer. Prepare yourself to leave.
If you haven’t completely given up you need to have a serious chat with your girlfriend, because she isn't happy like this either. No one would be.
Tell her what you are seeing happening without blaming her, and ask her what she thinks is happening. You are both adults now, even more so then you were when she first left. You’ve established your patterns of living rather strongly by this point, so you’ll need to talk out the expectations you have, and the compromises you are willing to make.
If you would like your relationship with her to have real lasting potential, it would probably be a very good idea to seek some sort couples counseling. If you see marriage, kids or a lifetime together with this woman, then get a professional to guide you through these difficult conversations. If you don’t see a lifetime with her, that is probably the best clue that it is time to cut your losses and move on.
]
More Questions: |