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guilty flirting
In my group of friends, there is a boy who I have always thought liked me a little bit. Well, of course I was flattered, but I just kinda brushed it off because I wasn't really interested in him and I didn't really feel like dating anyone at the time, especially him because it would just be too akward. I mean, I never really flat out told him I didn't like him, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I just politely didn't respond to his attempts to flirt with me.
Now, also in our little social group, there is another boy who in the last couple of months, durring the summer, I have become extremely close to. We have become great friends with eachother, we understand eachother, and naturally, I have begun to have a little crush on him. Well, me and him are like, reeeally flirtatious with each other. I mean, we hug eachother all the time, we snuggle durring movies, we play with eachothers hair, touch eachothers faces, ect. People probably think were dating now that I think about it. But we are not, and we have never kissed or anything. But of course, I like spending time and flirting with him.
Well, my problem is, everytime my crew is hanging out together, Im flirting away with my crush, and then I look over to the other guy, and he just looks totally defeated. I mean, I know how it is- Its horrible to see the person you like flirting with somone else! I just feel horible when I see him watching us. So, what should I do? Should I tone down the flirting with my crush when the other guy is around? I dont want to, but I like the other guy just as a friend and I dont want to hurt him. But if I tone down the flirting, I may never get with the guy I like, and quite frankly, I like flirting with him because I really like him! What should I do???
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If I were you, I wouldn't flirt with him because you're hurting your friend and to me, my friends are more important than some guy. It's all about priorities, I say you try to figure them out and see which one adds up more. =]
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Who matters more to you: your friend whom likes you or your crush?
I ask this because it seems to me that you don't know as to whom is your first priority. It is either the boy whom you didn't respond to when he was flirting with you, or your crush whom you don't want to loose.
From my point of view, I think you should turn down the flirting because you said so yourself that you know how much it hurts to see somebody whom you like flirting with somebody else, so either flirt with your crush whenever your friend isn't around or just take it down a gear or two and do it discreetly. I don't think you'll loose your boyfriend because you're not flirting with him as often, because you're not loosing interest, your just considering your friend's feelings which is completely understandable.
However, if he does ask as to why you don't flirt with him as often, don't lie (not saying that you will), just tell him that you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings... or just let your crush know from the beginning as to what your intentions are and he should understand.
And even though this wasn't part of your question, I think you need to consider as to whether you want this relationship to become more than just flirting. Whilst flirting is a good way to show that you like somebody, dating just takes it a step further and lets everybody know that you're actually dating and you're serious about the relationship.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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