I was diagnosed with chronic depression a few years ago. My doctor and I tried quite a few different treatments, including medication and counseling, but it didn't help and the medication made me more suicidal than I already was.
So, I went off the meds and I was able to keep it under my own control for the past year, until recently.
I haven't been able to do much lately because I have felt so tired, I feel like everything is going wrong, and that there isn't anything here for me, but I know in my heart and my head that this isn't true.
I feel as though I am losing my mind over this and I can't seem to remember the little things, like conversations that I had with my bf just a few minutes before.
Or I'll remember something that happened 2 weeks ago and I'll randomly start to laugh or cry about it, however it made me feel at that time, I repeat that action.
I have no idea what to do and I feel so lost.
But I know that I can't take the medication again because of how it makes me feel and the extreme side effects that occur, so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Additional info, added Friday August 29 2008, 2:02 pm: In response to what peeps has said:
All I do is help others.
The fact that I have sought out help for myself is something that took months for me to come to terms with and do.
I have focused on everyone else, regardless of how I have been feeling, even when I was sick and needed to go to the hospital or had to deal with a psychotic bf at the time that tried to kill me and did unspeakable things to me, I took care of them, went to their aid when they needed it, and it's all I ever seem to do.
I volunteer my time and energy to make sure others are ok, and that they are well and good.
I have never focused on myself and my well-being. . Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category? Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions? Nallie answered Sunday August 31 2008, 11:12 am: Right now, trying to help others and taking on their problems will most likely make your depression worse. You must take care of yourself first. Sometimes we pick up on the "negative" energy of others and it drains us. If your reserves are taxed anyway, this will only make matters worse. It's not possible for everyone to own a pet or an animal, but that is what helps me get through the tough times. Also a lot of fresh air and exercise, even such as walking can be of great benefit. Perhaps a support group that can give feedback on your progress will also help.
rae141307 answered Saturday August 30 2008, 1:44 am: i know i'm only 16 but for being so young i kinda understand bc i know or knew two people that are just like you.
someone that i love with all my heart has a similar situation and is suicidal at the moment.they go and see doctors and have meds to help take the pain away but, it doesn't help it hurts them.
a friend of mine that i loved.she toke her life bc she thought the world had nothing for her.
you may think that there's nothing left here for you but you're wrong.
i don't mean to sound so hard on you but if you were to take your own life just know that you effect everyone you've ever met in some sort of way.you hurt people who loved you but never told you bc they may be scared or stubburn.and you break the hearts of those that have loved you since the day you met them.
i would give anything to have my friend back or to just talk to her.everyday im reminded of the pain that i feel in my heart now that's she's
gone.
you may not understand this but to some people in your life you mean everything.and life without you isn't really living,bc to the people that love you they feel as if their heart will stop bc you stoppped your own heart.
ya see if you where to stop your heart,you would also stop someone else's.someone that you love.
SOO PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS!!!!and don't think that bc of my age i don't know what pain suicide brings.bc every day i feel it.everyday.the pain knows no end just where to start.
Peeps answered Friday August 29 2008, 8:28 am: I suggest you become more involved with the people around you.
Make your life meaningful in this respect.
Many people seem to be having this sort of problem now and I truly think that it's because we have lost the right path in life.
I don't mean this to be bad but I'm not sure how to put it: you need to start focusing on other people other than yourself all of the time. If you make your time useful and helpful to others, you will gain a sense of care about yourself. You will soon realize that you HELP others and that other people need and appreciate you.
Many people now are so busy with their own lives that they lose sight of what it is to be loving and caring. You see, knowing that you are helping others does great things for the self-imagine. You soon realize that you aren't useless and just a blob of flesh bobbing along through life.
It really seems that the problem is our current lifestyles. We no longer "have time" to help others. Nobody volunteers now because they feel that they should be paid money for their time. Nobody goes out of their way to show care for others because that time could be used for something else. Both of these are common and we're taught (it's drilled into our heads) that we are the most important in our lives. This is not true at all: the people surrounding us are the most important.
The people who surround you create your sense of belonging though. Those people help you to see yourself as useful. Those people are the ones that can show care back for you. Without those people, you aren't anything anymore.
The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's fine to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. That is what is happening to you, most likely, whether you realize it now or not.
What's strange is the more we focus on ourselves and stop helping others, the less we feel good about ourselves. As humans, we NEED interaction. We NEED acceptance. We NEED to know we are important in life. Most of all though, we desperately NEED to help others to gain all of that plus more.
I highly suggest that you stop focusing on yourself. Yes, still continue to get help but try to put your excess time/energy/efforts into others. Find places to volunteer regularly at.
You need to make more of your life. By giving to others, you are creating your sense of worth. You will soon realize that YOU DO make a difference and that people appreciate and care about you. You will realize that when you have to skip a volunteer day for a doctor's appointment that many of the people you have been helping will ask what happened to you--Ah-hah, there's your sense of belonging! You will begin to realize that being involved with the care of others can be very fulfilling spiritually.
Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. You may even consider doing random acts of kindness:
If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.
I suggest you grab a phone book and make a few calls. Sit down with a calendar and set up one or more days a week to volunteer your time at certain places. Don't stress yourself out trying to fit things into busy schedules, but move things around so that your schedule won't be hectic but will have the fulfilling volunteer time in it.
It isn't your fault that you feel this way. You have just been fooled all of these years into believing that you are number one. Relax and focus on taking time for others and you will eventually find what is missing, trust me.
After awhile these problems may fade off completely. First your depression and anxiety will fade. You will find comfort in the people you are helping and will not be lonely any longer. You will relax in stressful situations because you know you are needed and that you will make the right decision. In time, you will be better.
I hope you take my advice and improve your life before things get worse. If you have any further questions regarding this subject please feel free to ask me!
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