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A chance of friendship between ex's??
Alright, My name's Nikki, I'm 15, female, and I have a bit of an issue. I dated this guy last year in my freshman year of High school. We'll call him Alex. Well, Alex & I dated for about a few weeks, then I went through this awkward stage of not wanting to be in a relationship at the moment. It was pretty early on in school, & I didn't want to attach myself to a certain person so quickly, you know? I wanted to get to know some more people before I started dating again. Whenever I broke up with Alex, he was pretty upset & he thought it was because of some other guy that I didn't want to date him anymore. I will admit, there were plenty of cute guys in a few of my classes, & about 2 I had a slight crush on, but Alex was throwing things completely out of proportion. I'm the kind of girl that usually wont date someone unless I think we can be friends. Well, somehow, I'm still not quite sure how, but somehow, Alex guilted me into dating him again. And a few weeks later, that same feeling of....I'm not sure how to put it....constriction? came upon me again, so therefore, I broke up with him once more. I just did not want to be in a relationship. Soon, it started to become a vicious circle & I ended up dating him at least 3 more times during the length of the school year. After it all ended, he blamed me for everything bad that happened to him, & even though we shared a whole lot of great memories, he could be a bit on the ignorant side. I asked him to be friends with me every time we broke up, but it was always the same response "No, I could never be friends with you. I'd date you, But I could never be friends with you." Now, this boy means alot to me. & I really do mean ALOT. I would give anything to spend some time with him like nothing bad ever came between us. But now he absolutely refuses to talk to me unless its to insult me for all the times I've broken his heart. I would do anything to fix it. I've tried to just forget him like he's tried to forget me, but I just can't. I keep thinking about random little moments we had together whenever I'm doing stuff that's nowhere NEAR related to that thought. School's gonna start pretty soon for me. He'll be a Junior, & I a Sophomore. I'm scared to see him again because I'm unsure of what will happen between us. I'm in a relationship with a certain guy right now, & I'm really happy, but I just can't get over Alex. I don't have any feelings for him other than the wishful hope for friendship, but I know he'll never forgive me. All I'm asking for is anyone to help me get over him completely, or at least a suggestion as to something I could try to at least somewhat fix things between us.
PS: just as a side note, Alex is the type of guy that loves to exaggerate things a bit too much. He gets angry over the smallest things, and if there's a memory in his head of a past incident, he never seems to let it go.
Someone help. Please?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You're sixteen years old and already having boy problems, well let's start with you, you are to young to be serious into a relationship, and that is what you should use with any boys that you meet, you can have a good friend but a serious relationship should not be in the picture, you can always say you're parents do not let you have a steady boyfriend until you are older, this way you can have boyfriends as friends, and can let go of a friend boy in case of problem's.
HEALER
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Stop talking to Alex.
Nothing you can do can turn a guy like that into your friend. He is too selfish. He is using his 'friendship refusal' to punish you and blame you. That is really low and self-involved. Even if he agreed to be friends, you can bet he’d make it a drama fest all about him in a matter of weeks.
I know that we all want to be on good terms with our exes, it makes us feel mature and certain that things are okay, but it's not always possible.
You can't fix things with this guy. You shouldn't try. Just give him a wide berth. If it comes up with Alex, remind him that you've tried to be friends in the past, and it's hurt both of you. So, although you still care for him, you are going to give you both a lot of space and time so you don’t fall back into old habits.
Truth is you are over him. If you don't want him back as a boyfriend, then you ARE over him. What you are feeling now, is guilt and remorse and that plays right into his hands. He has used your guilt before to blackmail you, and his friendship refusal was just another way of doing the same thing and trying to blame you for his fuckups.
There is nothing this guy would love more then you trying to be his friend and validating his belief that everything is all about him.
If anyone asks just say 'Yeah, I was really hoping we could be friends, but it just doesn't make either of us happy. So I’m trying not being friends for a while.’
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