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preversion and deviance
i know who i am and i am very comfortable with it. i don't mind sharing myself except that the true me will probably send my family's reputation down the drain and give all it's members a heart attack.
3 years ago i graduated from highschool and was getting ready to go to college after summer. in the middle of it my grandfather died and the whole family had to pack and leave one night and spend the rest of the time in another city (which happens to be near my college). i was only given 1/2 a day to pack since my grandfather was on the verge of dying and my parents thought we could still make it in time.... little did i know that i wasn't going home for another three years....
here's the problem... in highschool i use to to write stories.... and i use to lock them up in this drawer in my room.... i have 2 keys one with me and the other i hid there just in case... i would have gone back to get it except my family decided to close the house and take a tour around the world... this year they returned and invited my older siblings to the house... my eldest found the key and i'm assuming she read everything and has been calling me for a TALK.... i know she probably took everything too in case she didn't get the chance to talk to me and i returned (so i won't burn them and she'd corner me when she has the chance) in any other situation i would have said so what because i know that i have no privacy. but writing is an outlet and at the time i really needed one....
the problem here is the content.... i've never had sex yet but i'm as experienced as could possibly be with out... and my stories are about sex and fantasies... and the charecters almost always have my name and the stories almost always talk about running away with a stranger and cover a spectrum of various taboos.... i am very explicit when i write (i mean worse than any porn screenwriter could ever be but not as vulgar) i don't write that way except in private and now that privacy is taken away. how do i deal with the embarrassment? and how do i prove that this is purely out of imagination not experience? i've lied before about befriending gays and lesbians and teens and what not so i don't have credit for the truth to be taken seriously. and my family has strong beliefs (very conservative!) about abortion, abstinence, homosexuality and so forth... i know i'm different but i love them so much to break away despite the possible drastic measures they may take.... for now how do i just fix this situation....
female
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I can't see that you have a major problem, you fantacise alot, somewhat a writer which i think this is what it really is, you're defence is that you are studing to be a writer and that is materal you use for you're work even thoug it contains sexual writings, i can't see what if any thing else you could do that would help the problem, or maybe you can think of a better one.
HEALER
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Well, being a "black sheep" in my family, I can only offer what advice I've used to deal with family members who've shunned me. You need to find something you have as credit with them. If it's your word, then the better. I have no clue to as what you wrote but I have a vivid imagination! I'd explain to them what you've stated here, that it's just fantasy and apart of human nature. Your family members may have thought of the same ideas but left them at that but you chose to write out those thoughts on paper. Every family has it's taboos. When one member of that family breaks those taboos, there's usually a reason why. I don't know your reason. Maybe you lived a sheltered life and written expression is your means of escape. I understand how you feel, you grew up with these folks, they feel they know you but they really don't. Sometimes family can be your worst enemy, where as perfect strangers who don't know you, have no concern about your past or twisted thoughts except you. We all have bad thoughts, that's just apart of being alive. It's funny (as in odd) how one can express his/her thoughts on paper and folks assume they have a right to become judgmental. If the Thought Police really existed, we'd all be in jail. Honestly, I wouldn't apologize for crap. Yeah, I know it's your family but they should accept you for you, after all you except them don't you? You are not hurting anyone nor have you committed a crime, you just chose to write your thoughts out. Hell, who knows, you may become the next best writer out there.
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