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Did I really screw this up this badly?
22/f
I probably wouldn't even ask this, but I told my best guy friend what I did, and he told me that what I did was very wrong to the point that even a Satanist would have problems condoning all of my actions.
It really has messed w/ my head since he said that, so I wanted your opinion on if you think I did the right things or not in this instance.
I was in college this past semester, and had 19 hours worth of classes. I also was working two jobs, one of them on campus for the housing dept., one off campus. I had been engaged to this guy I'd been w/ for 5 years from back home, but it was long distance by then because he didn't go to college. I had gotten pretty bored w/ him, and I had found a friend w/ benefits on the side, and the more that went on, the more I felt like I need to break off the engagement, so I did that over Christmas break.
Well, about 3 weeks before the semester ended, my ex fiance showed up and surprised me at my apt. He had a gun, but he didn't threaten me w/ it. He said that unless I got on his Harley w/ him and ran away, he was going to kill his self right then and there. I did call my little sister and I told her that I was running away w/ my ex-fiance, and she was the only person I would call while I was gone. I told her to tell our parents for me, so they'd know I was ok, but not to tell anybody else. So then I left w/ him, and we headed out west. The plan was that we were going to Vegas to get married. We were on the road for like 4 weeks, and the longer I was w/ him, the more I remembered why I had broken up w/ him to begin w/. We were somewhere in west Texas, I forget the name of the place, and he had gotten really drunk at our motel room and passed out. I looked in his pants pocket and got his wallet, and I slipped out the door. I used what cash he had to buy a bus ticket to Dallas, because he didn't have enough cash on him to buy a bus ticket for anywhere closer to home. On the way to Dallas, I ripped up or cut up everything from his wallet because I was bored, plus I didn't want someone to do identity theft on him, ya know? So when I got to Dallas, I found this strip club and asked if I could dance there for one shift to make money for bus fare, and the manager was nice enough to let me. (I had worked in strip clubs where I go to college at before.) So, I was able to use that money to finally make it back home. When I made it back home, I found out that I had fired from both of my jobs when they didn't hear from me, and also that I was on academic suspension because they had given me F's in all of my classes when I didn't show up for finals. Also, when I didn't show up to move out of my dorm room, they cleaned my room out, so I lost everything in there. In short, I lost my whole life on that trip. But still, in my mind, I did the right thing b/c he would've killed his self otherwise if I hadn't have left with him. I can rebuild what I've lost, and I've already found one new job.
The thing that my best guy friend has the biggest problem w/ was that he said if I was going to steal my ex's wallet, then I should have also stolen his gun and thrown it away or pawned it so that he couldn't use it to kill his self when he woke up and saw that I was gone. I really didn't think about that at the time, and now that it has been pointed out to me, I am a little bit worried about it.
So, did I really handle things as badly as my best guy friend said?
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First of all I would like to say there is nothing, i repete NOTHING, that you can do that can't make admends for your wrong.
I will tell you why you fell like crap, it is beacuse as humans we can't change the past, Satan knows that so makes us dewell on the past so we can not make changes in the presdent for a better tomarrow.
I would advice you to turn to God, he is there for you, and his Son, Jesus Christ can help ease your pain because he has suffered everthing that we can exerpince so he may know how to help us each person indivuealy.
I wish you well, as a little orphan name anni said, "the Sun will come out tommarow" and it will. things will go right, you have to put your trust in God, and belive you can change.
I hope this helps
Shadow fox
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I don't know why your friend had to bring up the Satanist part, but no, I don't think what you did was bad to that degree. But, you really did mess up and you know that.
You ran away without thinking of the consequences and ended up throwing away everything you had. That's completely irresponsible to just bail like that, and not even call work or do anything about your school. You think it was worth it but there are so many other ways this could have been handled, without ruining your life.
You could have called the police, or tried to calm him down and talk about it. Him pulling a stunt like that kind of seems like he didn't have closure.
You say you feel like you did the right thing by keeping him from taking his own life, but you also did something just as worse. You led him on by running away with him, only to slip away in the middle of the night. Was that doing the right thing? I'm sure that made him feel just as worse as before. He believed you'd stay with him but you just left without a word.
I also don't think it was right to steal his wallet or to shred everything in it to pieces. If all you wanted was the money, then that's all you should have taken. Even then, I don't think it was right to steal from him.
I'm sorry, but all I keep thinking is "Poor guy". You obviously are not the hero here, and I'm very much sympathizing with him. Well, you can't change the past, but what you can do is make things right. I don't know what's happened after all this, but you are the wrong one here and you sure do owe him an apology and more.
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I myself, only being 17 years old, have been in this situation before. I was dating a boy for 3 years and then I found out I had to move in with my dad who lived in another state because my mother had passed away. The boy I dated, had told me the night before I was suppose to move, that if I left he would kill his self. At first, I was like it's just an excuse to keep me from leaving. But when I went to his house, he had overdosed on a lot of different pills & was nearly dead when I found him.
The situations aren't the same, but I know what you went through. When someone you once cared about or even still care about says something like that, and proves it to you with a gun for instance, you panic. If I was in your situation, I would not feel guilty. You did what you had to do because at the time, you felt it was best for him. First of all, never put somones life before yours. The way he made it seem, was if you didn't leave with him, he would take his life. If you did leave with him, he would basically take yours which he accomplished doing as you found out when you came home.
If I was you, I would just let it go. Do not contact him. Change your number & or anything else he might have of you. It is for the best so nothing like this happens again. I would talk to a police officer or something like that & let them know exactly what happened. They will go look for him to put him into a hospital for evaluation & keep him for being suicidal.
Gradually over time, things will seem like their falling back into place. Go back to school & start your new job. Just let this piece of your past, stay in your past. Start everything over new. I feel as if you did nothing wrong & did everything you could to make it back home safely. I'm proud of you for being as strong as you were. I hope everything works out for you.
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The only place I can see that you really
screwed up, in my opinion, was that you
didn't call the cops at the first
opportunity. He basically kidnapped
you at gunpoint and took you out of
the state. You may have gone along,
but he had a gun!
So long as you got out of there, it
doesn't matter what you took. It was
all his drama. Its not your job to
keep anyone alive by giving into
demands.
Should he contact you again with the
same story call a relative or friend
to take the responsibility for him.
If they are to far away call the cops.
They will take him to a hospital and
have him held for observation as being
a threat to himself or others. They will
contact a relative.
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Wow, this is a very complicated situation.
I am only 17. Normally, I would say that age doesn't matter. In this case, I have to say that I'm not mature enough to give an answer to this.
While I don't think you made the best decisions, I also don't feel that you made the worst decisions possible.
Had I been in this situation, I have NO idea what I would have done. Granted, I don't think I would have taken all of his money & left his gun, when you're "in the moment" your adreniline is pumping and often times, you don't think clearly.
In all honestly, I have absolutely no idea what to tell you. A few columnists here who you could ask are Razhie, Younggrandma, rainbowcherrie (who is roughly my age, but she is mature far beyond her years), or DangerNerd (he is the current website owner, but he could also give you great insight to this.
I apologize for not being able to give you a well thought out answer. I don't like rejecting inbox questions just because I don't know the answer. Instead, I will answer them by reccomending columnists who I feel could be much better help than I am.
Good luck with your problem and I am sorry you were in this position in the first place.
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