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I messed up to the point of almost no return.
Okay, this is really long but I'm in desperate need of help so please take 5 min to help me.
I'm 16/f and I screwed up big time and it took me too long to realize what I've done. Long story short, I've really hurt my family by lying to them, deceiving them, and hiding things from them since 8th grade (and right now is the summer after 10th grade). I realized that I need to get myself together and stop doing whatever I want to do without thinking that there won't be any consequences. I told my mom I was sorry over a million times. I wrote her a front and back 3 page note telling her the things I realized & the way things are going to be and that I'll change not just for the family but for myself as well. But I've done that in the past without really meaning it and my mom completely ignored the note and is still really mad at me. And to make things worse, she and my dad are fighting because of me, well not the root cause but the triggering factor is me.
I don't know what else I can do to make up to her. A sorry and doing household chores isn't working. I am going to cut off all connections from people who haven't been the best influences in my life and people that I snuck out with resulting in me hurting my parents.
Also, my mom strongly believes (which means that no matter what, I won't be able to convince her otherwise) that I am taking ballet and became a vegetarian because of a girl (who she despises) made me do so. As silly as that sounds, this whole big fight is mainly over that one girl. But the problem is that I've wanted to take ballet for 5 years now and the only reason I didn't was because of money problems. And I wanted to be a vegetarian since 8th grade because of the animal cruelty and the fact that I don't and never really liked meat in the first place. And this is all before I met that girl. But I can't convince my mom of that so I was planning to tell her that if it hurts her so much and causes her so much troubles, I'll give up ballet and take ballroom dance with a guy that my mom adores and wishes I'd go out with or take jazz classes instead (I need some kind of dancing for school) & I was going to give up my vegetarianism (as much as the thought of me eating meat makes me nauseous) which means that I'll eat whatever she cooks even if it has meat or animal broth in it but does not mean that I'll be eating meat/chicken/fish chunks out of the dishes (which I'm afraid to add on because she might think that I really don't mean giving up my vegetarianism).
This is how serious I am about wanting to fix all the problems I made. I really am passionate about ballet and vegetarianism. I know that I can't fix it in one day or anything but what else can I do?
I really am sorry, perhaps more sorry than anyone can ever be. I want to change and become a better person and stop causing my family so much problems but it's getting harder and harder. I miss my mom's voice and her laugh and her hugs and I just want things to go back to better times. I don't know what to do.
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nothing is too late. you're only a junior in highschool, you've got time, be thankful for that, first of all.
next i'm going to let you know that i can relate to this. this past fall, (the beginning of my 11th grade year) i got in a bad place with some people had no repect for anything but drugs and various other illegal things. this wasn't #me#, but i was having a rough time with everything and needed something. anyway, i ended up getting caught doing a lot of harmful things, not speaking to anyone in my family who i love very much, for months, losing a lot of friends and being constantly supervised until i eventually cracked. they were rough times, i'll tell you.
what helped things get better, really was just talking. telling my mom why i was doing what i was doing. letting her in on what was going on in my head. i was just patiently pleasant to everyone in my family, even though it took every ounce of strength to not just give up and be miserable.
stop saying the words 'i'm sorry' and just start showing it. it WILL take time. when people say that it takes years to build trust and minutes to destroy it, they ain't talking out of their asses. when i was younger,
my mom used to say that i had a "trust bank", and girl, most of the time it had a negative balance.
try to be more involved with the family, show her why you believe in what you believe about meat.
if you think about it, even if she still believes that your friend was the one who influenced you to become a vegetarian, you're the one who is making the final choice to eat like that. and non-meat items really are healthy for you.
tell your mom what you said in your last paragraph of your question in a way that she'll understand.
everything gets better if you are a good person.
trust and respect are two of the most powerful and good things in this world, and if you can get them and give them, you won't be in a bad place.
i really hope that things get better for you.
if you every need to talk about anything or have any more questions, i really have been through a lot.
my e-mail is habieb_m1@yahoo.com.
hey, good luck.
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I agree with the last post.
I would like to state that... Because so little information is included in questions (even long ones like yours) it's difficult to come up with specific answers. Since I only know little about the situation, I can only tell you this...
Talk, talk, talk to your mother. I can not stress how important communication is in all relationships. Apologize again, tell her that you understand why she is angry... But also tell her that her behavior is hurting you. In short, the silent treatment never helped anyone work through a problem. Ask her what you can do to help her get over this... And ask for help in making whatever changes necessary a reality.
And I don't think that you should give up ballet or vegetarianism. Articulate why these two things are an important part of your life and maybe she will begin to understand. But don't sacrifice a part of yourself just to appease her. Or anyone else for that matter.
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I'm really sorry that you're going through this, but at the same time I think your parents need to relent just a bit. You've been really mature in doing all you can to change, and I think one of the best things you did was write your mom that note. I'm not sure what happened in the past that has hurt your family, but I think showing this much maturity when you're only 16 is a big step. Most of the people I know didn't start acting rebellious until that age.
If you want my honest opinion, I really don't think you should give up ballet or being a vegetarian. You're passionate about both and giving them up will just depress you. And what if that still doesn't change your parents minds? Then they'll be upset as well as you. You can tell her that you'd be willing to give them up if need be, but I think that if that still doesn't convince her you shouldn't even bother. Try to make them happy in other ways (maybe by befriending that boy you mentioned) and doing other things she might have mentioned in passing, but don't give up on what you believe in or are passionate about. And in reference to the ballet, maybe also try stressing how it's not only something you like but also fulfills a requirement you need.
If only they could see how willing you are to make them happy like we can, maybe they'd understand. I just think that they're being too stubborn about this. You've been doing all you can, I think it's time for them to be mature and realize that.
I really hope everything works out for you =)
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