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So shy.
I'm really shy... well more like afraid of people.
If I'm with people I want to like me, I freeze up and can't think of anything to say. If I do say something it's either really stupid or sarcastic/mean. This hinders me making friends because I freeze up and get really awkward, and I'm not pretty so it's not like people come to me. Do you have any advice as to how I can overcome this?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Also if you say something particularly awkward you can always apologize and explain that you're a little shy or nervous to talk to the person and that's why you said it. most people wont mind.
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Uhmm....I'm really shy like you,The thing is you have to confront people like....smile at them even you dont know the person....People tell me I'm so shy and nearly dont know what to say...but they'll get used to you and make friends with you..I mean do something that can make them like you...I do it people come to me...Even if I dont know them!LOL!but sweety dont think of yourself as not pretty...I havent seen you but I can imagine...alot of girls and guys tell me I'm pretty and I say "Thanks for the insult"..Haha They can find something special in your face or your body like I said just make them like you ok...and Dont worry...
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let me tell you, i had the same problem with people. i always tended to completely embarrass myself (emphasis on the ass).
the way i overcame it was just watching what i said and not trying to hard. be confident that what you're going to say is not stupid or mean, and be confident in yourself. that way, you'll feel good about yourself, and hopefully the people you talk to will feel good about knowing you too, if that makes sense.
-collin
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Don't say anything at all. Not saying this to put you down or anything, I'm saying if you want to avoid speaking rudely or saying something stupid, then don't say anything at all. Just keep you mouth closed. If you feel insecure being with new people, then be with others you know better and trust. This way, your more likely going to meet people who are similar to the people you know. Listen to the conversation, if there is one going on, and just listen for topics you can relate to. Don't interrupt anyone if you find one though, and if the topic moves on, don't try and bring it back up.
If you feel tense, then find someplace to sit or lean against, close your eyes and relax. Once your relaxed enough to move on, do so. Don't think about being accidentally awkward, because then it will just happen. Think about other things. Keep your mind far away from anything that would make a situation awkward. And if you can't think of what to say, let the other person say something first. It may seem awkward, but it'll pull a lot of pressure away from you.
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www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-When-You-Have-Nothing-to-Talk-About
1. Always start off with something that others don't use often. Example: You see a girl in a bar and she's sitting with some friends. You walk up to her and say, "I would like to sit with you, but before I sit down, what are you drinking?" "Bud Light (insert drink)? Good choice. I'll be back with 2 Bud Lights (insert drink) and I'll hope that this seat isn't taken when I get back."
2. Start with a "hello," and simply tell the new person your name then ask them theirs. Offer your hand to shake, upon his/her responding to you. (If you go to other countries, greet the person in tune with the particular culture, e.g. in India greet by saying 'namaste' with folded hands). If you already know the person, skip this step and proceed to step 3.
3. Look around. See if there is anything worth pointing out. Sure, talking about the weather is a cliche, but if there's something unusual about it--bam!--you've got a great topic of conversation.
4. Offer a compliment. Don't lie and say you love someone's hair when you think it's revolting, but if you like his or her shoes, or a handbag, say so. A sincere compliment is a wonderful way to get someone to warm up to you. But be careful not to say something so personal that you scare the person off or make him or her feel uncomfortable. It is best not to compliment a person's looks or body.
5. Ask questions! Most people love to talk about themselves --- get them going. "What classes are you taking this year?" "Have you seen (Insert-Something-Here)? What did you think of it?" Again, keep the questions light and not invasive. Do not ask too many questions if he or she is not responsive to them.
6. Jump on any conversation-starters he or she might offer; take something he or she has said and run with it. Agree, disagree, ask a question about it, or offer an opinion, just don't let it go by without notice.
7. Look your newfound friend in the eye, it engenders trust (but don't stare). Also, use the person's name a time or two during the conversation; it will help you remember the name, and will draw the person's attention to what you are talking about.
8. Don't forget to have fun with your conversation!
Tips
* Just relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you're making isn't going to stick out in anyone's mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it's not offensive or really weird. (Unless, of course, the person you're attempting to converse with is into weird stuff.)
* Remember, if you think of something in your head while you're talking, it's probably related.
* It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot -- newspapers, magazines, and/or books. You need to have some idea of what is going on in the world.
* If you are shy, it will be helpful to have thought about a topic or two that you could talk about.
* Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you have been going on for too long.
* Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about.
* If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can't come up with a good topic, try the "questions" game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example "How do you know the hosts?" This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
* Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
* Read newspapers and magazines to increase your knowledge so you can have more interesting things to talk about
Warnings
* Don't be overly invasive with questions.
* Don't use tons of fillers like "umm" or "soo". It might make the person you're talking to feel awkward or obligated to say something. Instead talk slowly and pause. This will create a little tension and make your newly found friend more invested in your conversation.
* Don't desperately ask personal questions.
* Keep eye-contact
* Don't ever comment negatively on the person or someone's looks... you never know if they have a personal attachment to it or if they are friends with the person you are criticizing
--Jack
(16/m)
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