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my "best friend"
i have a best friend. we've been best friends for almost seven years now. we've been very close, although we have had our ups and downs.
in summary, i am very jealous of her. she has caused me much stress and tears this past year because she was in all my classes, and she would get straight As on everything. i tried so hard in school and i could never beat her, and i cried so so much. not only did i cry because she was smarter than me, but she has a boyfriend and she is much more talented than i am.
i have never had a real boyfriend and i haven't even gotten my first kiss yet. we're both 15f. she got her first kiss last summer and i got upset for a while but then i got over it. and she got her boyfriend and i was okay with it, not that it matters what i think. then she told me she went to first base a few months ago, and after that she never really told me anything. but recently, she told me she had gone all the way to third base with him, and this happened before april. many, many months ago. i was not only extremely jealous, but i was upset that she couldn't trust me enough to tell me that she got scared that she got an STD.
she told me this a few days ago, but i cannot stop thinking about it. i can't outdo her. and it's making me very depressed. i don't want to go and get a boyfriend to try and see how much farther we can go just to be able to outdo her.
i don't know what to do. i feel like because of this, we're only going to grow more and more apart. i see her other friends wall posting her on facebook talking about double dates and i feel like because she has a boyfriend, i can't relate to her anymore. like if i had a boyfriend and went to third base with him, we would talk about it and share the experience T O G E T H E R. but i haven't even gotten my first kiss yet.
i want to stay her friend, but it's so stressful for me. everytime i see her, i can only count my flaws and see her perfections. i know that nobody is perfect, but this has never happened before this past year. she was in all my classes and i could never do better than her. ever.
i can't talk to her about this because it wouldn't do any good. it's not her fault that i'm jealous of her. but as i said before, i feel like from now on it'll only be downhill. we're only going to grow farther apart as she goes further with her boyfriend and i'm left in the dark. i know she doesn't have to tell me every last detail about she and her boyfriend but just something as significant as third base is something that i would consider important.
can someone please give me some advice?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I have a friend who is a few years younger than me that is jealous of me. We've talked a lot so I'm a bit experienced and I would love to help you. My friend and I did a little game. She told me 2 things that she liked about herself. Then she said 2 things that she didn't like about herself. Addtionally she said 2 things that she liked about me. I did the same. What you need to do is get a peice of paper and write as many as you can think of things that you like about yourself. Do you have nice hair or straight teeth. You haveta have something that you like about yourself. Write as many as you can and don't stop! Write till your drop. Then write a list of stuff that YOU DO HAVE that your friend doesn't. There are things that you have and she doesn't, trust me. It would be nice if you could play this game with your friend because those 2 things that my friend said that she liked about me made me feel good. If you can play this game, you will find your inner self and get closer to your friend. Just because you think your friend is perfect, there are flaws that she deals with too. Beaing jealous will just hurt yourself. See how much of this jealously is causing you? Your so round up in finding flaws in yourself when you don't find the goodness of yourself and aspects that you have and no one else has...that what makes each person unique and different. Yes shes a straight A student and has a boyfriend and seems like she has a perfect life...is that the only thing that makes you happy? A's and boyfriend...what about good friends? Is she a good friend to you? Tons of girls die for a good quality friend. Hope I helped.
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somethings are just needed to be let go. You can hold on as long as you can. But do not rush into a relationship because you want to out do her, that is absolutely stupid. You could easily regret it once you do it. Your first time doing anything you want it to be special.
I know I was in the same position you are in. I was so jealous of my best friends cause she was alot prettier than me. But since sophomore year of highschool, she started putting her boyfriends in front of me, so we stopped talking. and since she became a slut, I was and still am with the same boy and inlove with him, i couldnt be happier. But when we stopped talking, was probably the best thing. I became friends with people who I enjoy being around, and the didnt give me any drama. And I love them to death. I started dressing different, i became more confiedent. and Honesly, I feel superior to her. Because I love who I am, and I love the friends I am around.
You just have to find the things that you want most (other than beating her at the bases) and go for it, and I guarentee you, you will feel a whole lot better.
Dont just put yourself out there because you think it'll help your self esteem. No, it wont. Because later on, youll realize what a huge mistake that was.
Who knows, a couple years from now you might not even know who your best friend is.
I think really think you need to go out there and make new friends, and be comfortable with who you are.
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If talking to her about this won't do any good, what will? You can't just expect that things will fix themselves. You have to talk to her if you want to make things change.
If her having a boyfriend is what is tearing you guys appart, then think back to when you were bestfriends before she had a boyfriend. Why was your friendship so strong? How were you able to relate and get along? Try to bring those things back and connect with her on other issues.
My childhood best friend and I split apart when we got into high school because she started dating guys and she started gravitating towards her friends who also had "guy problems" and such, whereas I did not. We're not BEST friends anymore, but we still enjoy each other's company, and whenever I did start dating someone, we had a lot of fun talking about it. Let things take their natural course, and PLEASE do not feel pressured to get a boyfriend just because you want to get back on the same page with your friend. True best friends don't let guys tear them apart. Just find your roots and everything will be ok.
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