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I have never been happy.
i'm 15/f.
i'm really sad about mostly everything in my life. i can't feel happy ever it's like nothing makes me happy. i'm so depressed i'm about to sleep with a guy i've only dated once which i know is bad but there's nothing else i can do. i feel like i have to give in to the pressure of just having relationships for sex because no one wants me for anything else. I need to stop being depressed all the time but i can't. I've felt this way for like 4 years. If i had the balls to end my life right now i would. but i don't. so i'm pretty much stuck here.
i've been on meds and seen shrinks and stuff but nothing works for me. please give me some advice that wont make me feel worse.
i am tired of people calling me ugly and insulting my body. how do you handle that kind of treatment all the time.
i have no friends. i cant keep a relationship for more than 2 months. i hate life.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Believe it or not there's someone out there who does love you or wants to know you. You have just become convinced that there isn't and that nobody wants you for anything other than sex.
That's a BS belief that you need to drop right now. If you go around thinking that about yourself it's no wonder you're having problems with others. They can sense your fear, wants, desires and insecurity by the way you hold yourself and don't let others in.
You need to try and relax and take every moment and every day as a brand new one and try to shut out dark thoughts and replace them with good thoughts about yourself. You are beautiful, smart, lovable and talented. You have the same skills and capacity to make people like you as does the most popular girl in school. You just have to accept that and believe.
As far as sex goes you're going about handling your sexuality and body wrong right now. You're using it to try and numb pain you feel in your life. You'll get hurt that way and severely taken advantage of. If it's not something you really want to do don't do it for anyone or to gain friends, popularity.
So, a couple of snot-nosed brats called you ugly and made fun of your body. Odds are they were jealous of your looks. Think to yourself do I really give a shit what they think of anything? It shouldn't matter to you. It's like someone calling you purple. They can believe it all they want but you can't let yourself be duped.
I can understand that you've seen lots of shrinks and therapists. believe me good ones are hard to find. You definitely are depressed and if your moods are up and down all the time you might have symptoms of bipolar disorder. I'm saying that having it myself.
You should document in a journal how you feel about yourself and what you've been thinking lately about life and wanting to end it. Then do the smartest thing you could do and go to an emergency room and tell them how overwhelmed you are and what's been going on for years and be honest. I have a feeling you aren't honest with shrinks out of fear. That's why things haven't worked.
Ask them to hold you there to allow them to get your medication straight and figure out how to get your life on track and aggressively dealt with so you can be happy again. They will have in-patient and out-patient groups and programs also. That's how you get a great specialist to look into things. That's what I feel you need.
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Wow, i am really sorry you feel this way. I have been there before, and i know how hard it is. You have to believe me when i say everything you said up there can change. The honest truth is there is always something you won't like about your body, there are always going to be people who don't like you, and there are always going to be relationships that just don't work. The best way to make yourself happy is to change what makes you unhappy. So make some major changes.
If you have no friends at your school- go to after school activities, parties, anything. I promise you'll find some friends. Worst comes to worst, tell you parents how unhappy you are and ask them to consider letting you change schools.
You can't depend on a relationship to make you happy. I'm not telling you not to date. But i think it's REALLY important to date only who you really like. NOT because they like you. NOT because you want a boyfriend. I HIGHLY suggest that you don't hook up with anyone for a long time. Being desperate doesn't help with getting a boyfriend. And even if you do like a guy a lot, don't date him if he only wants to date you because he's horny. Find a guy YOU really like and who REALLY likes you back. And you'll have to wait. Maybe a long time. But it really is worth it.
Lastly, the way you look really just doesn't matter. Think about it. You know that people who are "better looking then you" aren't better then you. They might have it made for them, they might be luckier, but you and i both KNOW they're not any better then you. Anybody who judges you by that just isn't worth your time. It's the ones who think you're beautiful EXACTLY the way you are that you want to have in your life.
You're so negative. Just think about what's going right in your life. It may not be much, but there's got to be something. You got an A, you finished writing something, or perfected a song on an instrument. Take your life day by day. Don't think about the whole week. Just think about the day. What do you have to do TODAY to get through and be happy. Not for tomorrow, not for the next year just TODAY. If it doesn't hurt anyone (this includes yourself) and it makes you happy- do it. You'll get by.
Good luck
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Don't worry about what people call you. Just toughen it out. I know its harder than people realize to toughen up when someone is saying rude things about your body/personality. I understand completely what its like because I had to put up with it for a long time. Family members called me fat, and so did children in my preschool. From now on, when people call you ugly or something else that is uncalled for, say to yourself,
"If they say I'm ugly, then they must have feel as ugly as I do deep down", or "They're having problems at home, or with their relationships, thats why they feel the need to pick on me, because I'm hurting and feel lost".
I know sometimes, people do this to look 'cool' in front of their friends, but instead, they look like complete jerks. But if you defend yourself during these situations (I learned) earn you more respect. I went through years of humiliation, but once I defended myself (in words) the more they seemed to like me. I guess thats admirable, to be confident and strong-willed.
If I can do it, so can you sweety.
I bet youre a beautiful person deep down. if you EVER need anything, feel free to talk to me, even if you dont want advice. I'll listen to you without judging you in any way.
Hopefully I helped, good luck
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Where you are now, I once was, I was the fat slow/stupid kid growing up, I never could seem to fit in to anywhere. I hated life, I was always mad and/or sad. I became tried of it then one day I deside to stop looking at the storms in my life and see the sun. there is much good but you have to look for it.
if you are unhappy now, you'll be unhappy after sex, (or marriage, dating, graduiation, job, ...) it is what is known as the "I'll-be-happy-when Sendrum" You can't be made happy from such things, sure you may have a moment of enjoyment that comes with it but as you are probley awear it doesn't last long.
I'll give a few sujestion
1) find a hobbie, something you like doing (it could be writing, drawing, singing, running, walking, reading,...) just "DO" SOMETHING!
2) help someone eles. look for someone who could need your help, and then do it (maybe even do it with out them known it was you-- that always makes me feel better that I put a smile on someone's face and they have no idea who did for them.) I find when you forget your self you'll forget you sorrows.
3) Don't commpare your self with anybody, advoid magizes and say you should look like this or you MUST be like this. don't watch shows that belittle your'self
4) Pray to God (God is a loving Father and is always willing to listen to his children and their problem) just talk to him as if he was in your room.
5) (and this one is a big one) SMILE -- Trust me it works you will feel better if you just learn to smile!
I hopes this helps you
let me know If I can help more n any way
May you find yourfe
siserly
~shadowfox
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