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New boyfriend
I started dating this guy about a month ago. We met at a bar and hit it off right away. We just became exclusive this past weekend, and I was really happy.
Unfortunately, a bundle of shitty relationships has got me paranoid about everything in a relationship. I've dated many guys, but always hesitated when it came to having an actual boyfriend.
If he doesn't call, I assume that something is wrong. Not even about him dating other girls or whatever-- but more so, the fact that he could change his mind at any moment, and I'll be back to nothing. It's clear that we want each other, when we're with each other. But, any time in between I spend wondering why he's not calling, and if it's because I did something wrong and it gave him second thoughts.
I don't want to push him away, or sabotage the relationship like I have in the past. I like this guy a lot and I want to make the most out of it and not worry about what he's thinking all the time.
So to my question.. what is it that keeps a guy from waiting so long to make a call? If it takes more then a few hours, when is it okay to just call him? It feels new, and awkward. But it mostly feels like maybe we rushed into things since I'll still too uncomfortable with my security.
Help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
here's a tip: get your calling schedules synced up. more likely than not, the reason he is not calling is because he's busy! call him whenever you want, but you can't expect to be able to interrupt his life every couple of hours when he isn't doing the same.
take a breath, and instead of wondering where he is and what he is doing and why he hasn't called, try reading a book or doing something productive! being independent is more fulfilling for the whole relationship, otherwise you become too dependent and insecure. when you DO call him, suggest making plans for the near future (not that same day.. a time that works perfect for YOU.) this is called taking charge of your own life, and you might be pleasantly surprised that he wants to be more involved now that he sees you have taken an interest in your life more than his.
you're feeling rushed because you're already getting possessive of his time, and you're feeling insecure because he isn't as possessive of you as you are of him.. this solves both! try this for a week and you will see it's much easier than worrying your brains out!
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maybe hes waiting for you to call him. he might be a little shy so he might wait for you to make a move.
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I don`t think the important matter here is calling. I`ll try not to make this too long, but what do you want from a relationship? You don`t want stress, that`s for sure. If something happens and it doesn`t work out you need to realize that you don`t NEED him, you live your own life. With that mindset you can go into the relationship with less worry, and therefore, you will enjoy it more. Just take a deep breath and realize a relationship should benefit your life, not take away from it. If he doesn`t call, go do something you enjoy doing. If it happens more than once that he doesn`t call, just phone him up the next day and ask if everythings alright. By having your own life and not needing him you will keep him more interested anyways! Trust him entirely, anything he does won`t hurt you too much. If it`s not meant to be, it won`t happen - I don`t think anyone can argue that. If he does something to lose your trust move on with your life and leave him. You shouldn`t have to worry that he has bad intentions or he will change his mind - that`s not why you want a relationship, is it? You want someone that you will enjoy spending him with. Basically, keep control over your life and emotions. If this relationship isn`t benefitting your life then you don`t need it. With that said all you need to do is relax a bit and see if things work out for the best. Good luck =)
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Look, I understand your problem and I get what you mean. But because you guys are together, that doesn't mean that the guy has you keep calling you. I get you might feel insecure about this. The only way to solve this problem is to make sure that this guy definetely likes you and is here to stay! You have find out if he is happy with you and he likes to spend time with you. From what you say, this guy seems to like you so don't rush into things. And if you are still insecure, then you can always call him and have a one-on-one conversation about how you feel. Hope I helped!
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I completely understand ive had so many bad experiences before my fiance now. and as he can vouch i am definatly insecure. But you need to realize that maybe he is just busy. Maybe hes sleeping, maybe he is doing something important. I mean i know about being paranoid, but at the same time you may drive this guy away if your too needy. Maybe you just need to talk to him about it and discuss how your feeling about this. Communication is the best thing in a realationship. I mean you need to be able to talk to him about what you feel.
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