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Should I choose my Familys moral over Secret Love??
I am a 20years old female and come from a very religious family who believes that sex before marriage is a sin. All the women in my family were virgins until their wedding nights and the same is thought of me. My family is unaware that in my mid teen years I had been sexually active. I have not had sex in a while. I met this incredible guy who I love dearly and am serious about, and I want to have sex with.
I am deathly afraid of getting caught.
I can not decide between my family's happiness or my own. I feel like choosing my own would be selfish.
I have two scenarios. Either I have sex with the guy I deeply love, behind my family's back and their morals, and just pray I don't get caught
or pregnant.
Or I don't have sex with him in order to please my family's beliefs, and live the rest of my life heartbroken that I lost my love.
Please give me your honest opinion on what I should do. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Also if you have time I have one more question. I've been on Lutera for almost 2months. I would like to know how effective birth control pills are if taken everyday at the same time? And do you know anyone who conceived a child while using birth control pills and were using them correctly as directed?
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Well, you CAN choose a different religion. Why should the decisions you make be all about what other people want? You are also over 18 now. They never have to find out! You can do whatever you want. You sound like a people-pleasing person. That's fine, but on this one, you should do what you feel like you should. You kinda answered your own question. "...and live the rest of my life heartbroken that I lost my love" You shouldn't have to lose your love. Do you still live at home? If so, just tell them you are going out, but really go to have sex with the guy. I know this may sound like bad advice to some, but I'm not advising an 11-year-old to have sex she's a freakin adult! I don't think that would be selfish as you sound very respectful of them, and in return, they should let you have this happiness.
Also, if you do decide to do this, most definately use a condom along with the birth control.
P.S. If I offended you I am terribly sorry. I was simply trying to give you my opinion.
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I won't tell you to go against family wishes
because that is something you must decide for yourself.
However, I can give you some things
to think about..
Being on birth control for 2 months, you
are as protected as you can be against
getting pregnant. There have been cases
of a woman getting pregnant while on
birth control pills. Nothing is 100%,
but it is rare.
In reality you have already gone against
your family's beliefs. You are not a virgin
if you had sex in your teens. Even if you
haven't had sex in a while, it doesn't
change that fact.
Any man who really loves you will not
leave you if you don't have sex with them.
He will respect your wishes and beliefs.
He may want to and he may keep asking,
but he will wait. Mighty good test of
his true feelings, by the way. :)
Lastly, you are 20 years old. An adult.
You are free to believe however you want
to believe.
I know a lot of cultures aren't as free
thinking as those of us in the United states.
There is nothing wrong with those beliefs
but they do make it hard on young adults
who grow up or move here from other countries.
In the end the decision is yours. I personally
don't feel that the sex life of a 20 year old
is the parents business either way.
Good luck with this very hard decision. :)
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Heyya, I really understand your problem. First you really have to look inside yourself. Forget about what your family wants for a minute. If you aren't really religious and truly feel like you are ready to take that step, if you really think it will make you happy then by all means do it. However before you do, also think about consequences, not being caught by your family per say, but pregnancy (or STD's; unless you really trust him). There is always a chance you would get pregnant so be prepared (there is no true safe sex).
Once you've thought about how getting pregnant could truly change your life (would guy support you?), or even an abortion, then you should make your decision. (Sorry is i seem really uptight about sex, i know a lot of people don't get pregnant, but theres always a chance and if it were me it would be a tough decision, especially if you love the guy.)Obviously, if you do have sex and your parents find out they will be upset but you have to let them know that you have your own morals and that you have to make your own decisions(you are 20 after all!). After the initial shock they should be okay, haha.
One last thing, i may ave misunderstood you but you said if you don't have sex you would loose your love. Also remember that you shouldn't think you have to have sex or the man you love will leave you. If he truly loves you, he'll wait.
I'm really sorry this is so long!!! Haha, and I reallyyy hope i helped. Lemme know how it goes? =]
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Based on what you've said here, I think you already know the answer to what's bothering you right now. You said that you have been sexually active in your mid teens. So i don't think you're worried about fulfilling your family's wishes since you've already broken them.
I think what you're really worried about is being caught. Look, if you really LOVE this guy then I don't think your family is in any position to forbid you to do what you want as long you take responsibility in what you do.
I know that what I've said might might have been offending, but I am only giving my opinion based on the facts that I have read here. I have no right judge other people that I don't personally know, but what I have given here is only an opinion based on given facts, so if I offended you in any way at all, I am sorry.
Oh yeah, about the birth control thing.
Pills, if taken as prescribed or as directed, has an efficiency rate of 99.8%
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