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where do i turn?
f/14
okay so basically, i used to have a perfect life, then my parents got divorced and my dad went and got his new girlfriend pregnant so now i have a baby brother. none of that is my problem though, that's just backround info. so one day i decided to just experiment and cut myself. from then on, im a completley different person. i am addicted to cutting and im never happy everyone in my life found out my problems and ive been to therapy so much its discusting. the only person i tell anyone anything is my best friend. her parents are alcoholics and she has the worst anxiety and bi-polar ever but her parents don't care. every day i pray and pray that i will die because i hate everything and i'm never happy. i've tried multiple times to commit suicide but have not been succesful. my best friend doesn't do anything bad, then the other night she told me she cut herself. if it wasnt for me she would never have done it, and im bulimic and she made herself throw up. i feel like im ruining everything. everyone is so stressed about me they dont have time for anything and i dont even want it. i want to die so badly its sickening. i know how to kill myself for real but i know i cant do it because theres still a part of me that's scared, scared of leaving and what people will do and what will happen. idk what to do i hate being here but i dont know where to turn anymore. every day i get worse and worse and no one even knows or cares. the world would be so much better without me so why should i even stay?
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this is something i wrote one night when i was really depressed. it's called reasons to be happy. it might help you feel better. idk if all of these relate to your life too,but they probably do if you think about it. hope it helps. feel better, adn these are your reasons to live:
i find many reasons to be happy
Because i have the right to be thankful for my life
Because i have a family that i know will always be there for me, care for me, and love me even though it might not seem like it at a certain time
Because I have a working body, no mental disabilities, no physical disabilities, and no one in my family does
Because I have the ability to change whatever I want. Even if it might seem hard, it is possible to change anything I don’t like about my life
Because happiness isn’t really the way things are, it’s a state of mind
Because I have the ability to find something amazing to me that I love to do and can work at
Because I can control anything about myself
Because I don’t have to face any real obstacles or troubles in my at home life, whether it is in my house, in my town, or at my school
Because I can laugh and learn from my mistakes
Because I can love whomever I want
Because even if things happen to others that I can’t control, I know that God can control them, and I trust him
Because I can enjoy the small things
Because I know that everything happens for a reason
Because I have a past, present, and future
Because I have memories
Because I can learn
Because I have a great mind
Because I can change
Because things always get better
Because I know that I can get through any obstacle that’s put in front of me
Because I have hope and faith
And, most importantly,
Because I’m alive.
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Hey i would like to talk to you
you think you would like to email me
my email is rubberducky1392@yahoo.com
Listen there still reasons to live
there still hope
Just hold on
people still love you
and dont blame yourself from your friend
I want to help you find hope
talk to me if you need too
i wish you will email me
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Why should you stay?
-Because you have a little brother now, someone that could easily become an inspiration for you to be a better you. One day he might look up to his older sister, he might want you to take him to the movies, or to the gas station for a slurpee, or he might come to you for girl advice. You have another purpose in your life now thanks to that little guy. :)
-More then likely your parents still love you. I'm sure you've heard it before 'we still love you, we just don't love each other' Thats probably true. You give them a reason to wake up every morning, they should give you a reason to wake up every morning.
-Your best friend. You clearly see how you effect her, why not turn that around and effect her in a more positive way. You two can talk out your problems instead of carving them into your skin. Everything is easier when you're doing it with someone you care about. When you both get angry or you have something built up inside you can exercise to get it out, write it in a song together, paint it in a picture, or just wither it away by having a good time in the sun.
-Summer, try getting some sun. Its proven that sun enhances the mood and increases some vitamin in you that makes you happier. Why don't you and your friend go to the pool? Go on a walk, see the beauty in the world. Listen to the birds, the waves, the wind. You are on this earth for a purpose, there is something about you that someone loves.
-You, you should stay for you. You don't want your story to just end do you? YOU can be your inspiration. There are plenty of people on this earth who have become famous, billionaires, fallen in love, had children, changed the world, even though they had jerks for parents. Be who YOU want to be, do what makes YOU happy. Find a passion that you love, whether its a sport, writing, poetry, art, music etc.
For everything else, the cutting, the eating disorders; only you can change that. Talking them out to people can help and make it easier. You and your best friend can do that! Or you can ask to see a counseler at school. But all in all, if YOU want to change you can change.
Let me know if you need to talk about anything else.
The best of luck <3
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listen girl, times get tough, you gotta get through this, you cant do this to yourself.. no matter what happens, you need to gain strength. Dont kill yourself, i know that if you do there will be so many people that will be affected, is there something really bothering you? trust me you do not ruin everything, you obviously have an impact on your friend so if you kill yourself, she will do the same, You both need to be there for eachother and try to work things out, you only have one life to live, don't do anything to end it trust me. Turn to god, a friend, a family member, even if you need to you can IM me at leannaaxx, ive gone through a time where i wanted to kill myself but trust me now that im out of that stage i realize that life is so precious.. PLEASE dont do that to yourself, your friends and your family, please contact me somehow i want to help you
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