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Sexual Experience?
Okay, so I’ve kinda lied about my sexual experience. Not just to one person, but to everyone I know. When I was 14, some of my friends started losing their virginity. And I didn’t want to be the odd one out, so there was this guy that they knew I liked, and he was moving. So I told them (untruthfully) that I had sex with him the night before he left. They didn’t have his number or anything so I knew they wouldn’t ask him. Anyway, so all my friends thought I wasn’t a virgin anymore. And whenever people would ask me I’d always say I wasn’t, usually because I was with my friends.
Now I’m 17 and I’m still a virgin. I’ve just never had a boyfriend that I was serious enough with to have sex with him. Well now, I’m really serious with my boyfriend and I’m totally into him, and given the chance I would definitely have sex with him. We’ve come very close a couple times, but I was drunk so he wouldn’t go through with it. The problem is he thinks I’m not a virgin, but I am.
I’m afraid that I’m not gonna know what to do when the time comes that we actually do have sex. I mean, if he knew it was my first time, I wouldn’t be so worried, but he’s probably gonna expect that I know what I’m doing, and he’s not a virgin so he’s gonna know.
I don’t want him or anyone else to know that I lied about it, so I need to find a way to make it work so that he doesn’t know I’m a virgin. I know I might bleed and that’ll give it away, but if he says anything about that then I know I’ll just say something like he’s bigger than the last guy I had sex with. So anyway my questions are: (they may be dumb but bear with me)
1. What should I do with my hands while he’s actually thrusting? Like what’s gonna be the hottest for him?
2. Should I kiss him during?
3. Should I give him a blowjob first?
4. How do I subtly let him know that I want him to lead? (most important) Because if he’s leading, that’ll probably take the pressure off me a little bit.
5. I’ve heard that sometimes the guy doesn’t fit…how do I make sure that doesn’t happen to me?
Please don’t give me any of that lecture “if you’re not ready…” stuff. I’ve been ready for a long time I just haven’t had the right guy.
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Hey hun,
I can completely relate to you, I lied about so much when I was younger, and sometimes it seems just impossible to get out of. There's going to be tons of people telling you to tell him the truth and all, but through experience...I'd just go along with my past lie, then VOW never to get myself into this kinda shit again. The bigger penis lie should work. Just don't bring it up again after that.
1. Don't be like the dead doll your boyfriend is raping. Be into it too. I know it's hard during missionary, but there's things you can do.
-Kiss him
-Pelvic thrusts at the same time
-Pull him further into you (butt, or back)
2.Kiss him:) But not all the time. REMEMBER your first time is going to hurt, you may have to undergo some deep breaths
3.You can give him a blowjob first if you like, but some guys are unable to cum again, or even get hard again. I recommend not doing so.
4.To get himt o lead, you'll have to get him on top, but subtle hints can easily do the job. Comenting on how strong he is, or looks, just plain acting like a helpless woman:p Seriously, it'll work, he'll feel like he has to take charge.
5.There's nothing you can do to make sure of that, try using LOTS OF LUBE.
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Honestly, you must care about him a lot if you're willing to have sex with him. So if you truely care about him, then I'd tell him the truth. Trust me on this one, lies catch up with you and it could ruin a good thing. but to answer your questions...
there's no way to have sex right.
Go with the flow, when it's happening, you're not going to really be thinking about every little detail. Kissing makes it more intiment. Everything will fall in place, if you're ready, just go for it!
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Well first and foremost, you need to tell your partner that you are a virgin. Rest assured, he will know. Even if your hymen is broken, you will still be a lot tighter then a non-virgin would be. And even if it does manage to escape his attention, it's not a healthy relationship if you can't speak honestly with eachother. Seriously, it might seem like an innocent lie now, but if you continue to let it build it will just get worse and worse. And then when he finally does find out, or you end up admitting it, it will be much more serious than if you were to do it now. It is much better just to be honest and clear the air now so that it doesn't come back to haunt you later.
I know you didn't want a 'you're not ready' lecture, but I really feel very strongly about this. If you aren't ready to talk about sex with your partner, and be honest with him, you are not ready to be having sex at all. Period.
I really hope you give this some thought.
But, nonetheless, I'm going to answer your questions.
1) Wherever they feel comfortable. On his hips, on his back, on his chest, perhaps even on his bum if he's comfortable with it. There is no right or wrong way, when the time comes your hands will just find a place to rest. As for what's hottest for him, all men are different, and thus all men like to be touched differently. You'll have to learn what he likes on your own.
2) Again, this will just come naturally. Sometimes during sex there is a lot of kissing, and sometimes you're too focused on the task at hand to kiss. It's all just a matter of preference. He won't be weirded out either way.
3) This is another question that comes down to what you prefer, but I will add this: the more foreplay you have before your first time, the better. The longer you have to become aroused, the more natural fluids your body will release to make him fit more easily inside you. So if you're worried about him fitting, oral sex, stimulation with your hands, and lots of touching beforehand is always a good plan. The more you want it the more accomodating your body will be.
4) If you want him to take the lead, you may have to play the waiting game a bit. Let him make the first moves, so that he naturally feels as though he's in control. Aside from that, there's really no way to ensure that he'll be the dominant one in that situation. Normally if you seem shy or uncertain, (which, as hard as you try not to, you probably will), he will automatically take the lead.
5) To prepare yourself beforehand, you might want to try loosening yourself up a bit with your own fingers. And like I mentioned before, the more foreplay the better. Finally, the most important tool for your first time and beyond is often forgotten. USE LUBE. If you forget everything else I've said, please try to keep this one thing in mind. Sexual lubricant can be found at your local grocery store, and even some gas stations. You don't have to go to some seedy sex shop to obtain it and it isn't very expensive. Lube will serve the same purpose that your own natural body fluids do, and you can never use too much. It will make it that much easier for him to enter, and much less painful for you.
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Honestly, it sounds like you've put yourself into a world of mess.
For any relationship to work properly you have to communicate. This means not lying to your partner. When you lie to your partner and he/she later finds out there is going to be a lot of betrayal issues.
Trust me, lies always come out somehow, usually in hard times too.
This being said, I honestly don't think it sounds like you're ready to lose your virginity to this guy. If you cannot communicate honestly to him then it's unlikely you're prepared to let him really in your life. Lying to someone keeps them away from the real you and if you're going to give something as cherished as your virginity to him then he needs to know the REAL you.
This being said, you need to stop planning out how to make your relationship "go further" sexually and start figuring out how to open up and let your partner see the true you. He doesn't know who you are if you're telling silly little lies like this to him.
It almost sounds like you've started to believe your lie yourself. You're going through a lot of effort to hide the truth when you should be spilling your guts about all of your deepest, darkest secrets to your partner. Sex is a HUGE step, are you willing to make that HUGE step when you cannot even tell him the truth about your sexual (or lack of) past?
You know it isn't right to deceive anyone and that's what you're looking to do. Please be honest with your partner. He deserves to know the truth about you if you plan to make this relationship last.
Next, your virginity is really something very special. A lot of things can happen when engaging in sexual activities with others. You may end up with a STD/STI, pregnant, or left with emotional baggage years later. Please be true to yourself in figuring out if you can handle the responsibilities sex comes with.
Be prepared before you make this huge step in life. Make sure you can handle what may come along with it. Make sure this is exactly what you want. For your sake, I am going to link you to a few sites below for you to check out:
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
For some insane, shocking STD facts, check this site out:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link of photos of various STDs. Most of the photos are of males but there are a few female photos in there. Some are very scary. Don't worry about many photos popping up when you click the link, they're behind other links so you can choose which ones you might want to check out:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and here is a link about virginity too. It gives good examples of what they're talking about so you're able to understand them clearly:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I apologize for not answering your question in the manner that you wanted but I'm really concerned about you and your partner's relationship. I want things to work out and you not be left, hurting because you didn't do the right thing.
The sooner you tell your partner the truth, the sooner you two can start growing together again. Expect him to be upset because this is a big deal but know that this is the right thing for you to do. I'm sure Advicenators can help to give you tips on telling the truth to your boyfriend about what you've been hiding.
I hope I've helped you figure out that your relationship needs to be worked on before going any further. I wish you well and if you have any question relating to this, please feel free to ask me! :)
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I really think the best thing for you to do would be to tell him the truth, but I cant make that decision for you. You can always run your fingers through his hair, and run them up and down his back slowly, and yes you usually do kiss a guy during sex. I know some guys like them first and use them as a type of foreplay and others want them last... depends on the guy and what they like. You can always tell him that you love it when a guy takes control they usually love that and that is a way to let him know to lead. Im pretty sure you dont have to worry about not fitting.... that would be very rare, but make sure you are relawxed when he goes in and not tense, I dont know if you do or not but you may want to try masterbating with a vibrator, or a bananna, or cucumber, or something of that shape, it will help stretch you out so it wont hurt as bad the first time, and will help you not to bleed as much.. and may make you not bleed at all depending on how big he is. But good luck , and remember to be safe ;)
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I know you don't want to hear this answer but you obviously value your virginity to wait for the right guy and if you like him and trust him that much you should just tell him the truth.
But it's your decision and if you want to keep up the lie heres the secret every one is different, when you kiss where do you put your hands, just where it's comfortable right and you will have seen other people kiss in other ways, it's just the same.
If he "doesn't fit" you are going to be one of the very few people it's happened to so congratulations at finding that guy. But it happens to some people at the begining of sex if you rush in to fast and aren't turned on enough, if you involve a little foreplay i really doubt that would happen.
Just do what you feel like theres no rules and your lucky being the girl is a major advantage if you dont take the lead he will, just make sure when you get to the condom stage he is on top, so when he sits up to put it on lie down on your back, works a treat. a few tips if your trying to kiss but its kind of akward because of the possition kiss his neck and shoulders. don't try and turn him on any more while hes thrusting just put your arms around him and enjoy, it will be hot enough for him already. goodluck.
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