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where do i belong?
15/f/usa/165lbs/5'4
hey. for some reason ive felt lately that i dont "belong" anywhere. Like I do alot of activites, swim team, 4-H, ride horses, play violin, ski. But truth be told, im not like good enough at any of these things. Im good or ok, i do alot of activities but not really super good at any of them. Anyways, I have friends in each of like everything i do, but i always feel left out. At swim team, my friends like ignore me, in 4-H, im left out of what my best friends do together, in orchestra no one talks to me, and i try to bring up convos and such, im rele talkative. And skiing, same thing. I feel like really lonely. And there is only like one person i can tell anything too. But it seems like i dont belong anywhere. And I know i like attention, i was first born, so. I'm starting to think I dont even belong with my family. I guess it doesnt even matter. I have really low-self esteem when i talk about this stuff. And im not exactly happy with myself, im trying to lose weight and look better, i want to be a normal teen, even though there is no such thing as normal. I feel like no one in the world cares about me at times. I feel like an outcast...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You mentioned that you were first born and like attention - is the fact that you aren't being approached first or consulted with pertaining to opinions or certain subjects with your friends, part of feeling ignored? Or are you honestly being ignored? (you walk up, they walk off? you talk, they don't answer you.)I know you said you are real talkative, so what happens when you are talking? Are you talking about things they know about or subjects that require input or are you just talking?
I am asking you this because I was an only child and also was used to attention and being the center of attention without doing things to get it, when I got in high school, I realized that it wasn't like that anymore, and then I started doing things to get the attention, which caused people to outcast me, and ignore me - as I look back on it, I don't blame them, I would've ignored me too!
Something you said bothers me: You said-" im left out of what my best friends do together" - If this is the case, then why are they still considered as your best friends? Being that they USED TO BE your best friends, ask them what their deal is, and why the sudden change or has it always been this way and you are just noticing it? just because you consider someone your best friend, doesn't mean they consider you their best friend. Been there done that, and it hurt like hell, huh? I had to cut them off because they were making me question and feel bad about myself, like I wasn't good enough. I remember trying out for the cheerleading team one year with all of my so called friends. I didn't make the team, they did. They completely ignored me. I was devastated and considered a nerd, a loser and I wore their opinions and actions towards me on the outside. I tried to kill myself, honestly. Finally upon not succeeding, I came to this conclusion: I am who I am. I will be who I am and set goals for my future because I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY AND DAMNED ANYONE who tries to prevent it even unintentionally. I had to deal with self. I went to counseling, and I encourage you to seek counseling too, especially about the low self esteem thing.
You are a normal teen already! If you lose weight or wish to change your appearance, do it for yourself girl and not to fit in with some A holes who you think don't accept you. I am encouraging you to go on line and look for sites dealing with self motivation. Self encouragement, self improvement, how to increase self esteem. Time to take time out for self and STOP worrying about people who are ignoring you. If you are to attention, just as I was too, learn to give it to yourself. You will find it to be a beautiful thing to attend to self while learning to love who you are as a person.
Sure, you belong with your family. Why not suggest a family activity together? Family is your safe haven. Family is your confidant. My best friend today is my mom. I didn't realize it as a teen but as I went through BS of life, I realized how important family was and is. I thought I didn't fit, but it was my own personal issues that I had to face and address. It wasn't them not fitting into me, it was me not fitting into them because I was lost myself and didn't fit in with self.
There is a such thing as normal. The opposite of normal is abnormal and you are not that, which makes you normal! Try making new friends, try joining new clubs, try going new places! go on chat lines and meet people your age to see what you all have in common. Start being more selective with who you consider as a friend, especially a best friend! If no one talks to you in orchestra, talk to them! if they don't wish to talk to you, cool. talk to someone in Algebra or Trig! You do belong somewhere, you just have to experiment and try out new things to determine which piece fits the puzzle perfectly. Before doing anything, first please learn to get happy with self by loving self first and foremost.
should you feel that you want to talk to someone, you may email me at anytime you want. sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
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Sadly that's a normal feeling all teens will get. Its a natural occurance in activities as well. People will ignore you or you feel they ignore you, especially when you keep the idea of low self esteem in your head. You just have to be yourself and let things come by themselves. If it seems like yopur friends are ignoring you, don't let it bother you, but don't try and get attention either. If you stay quiet and be in the background, true friends will know somethings wrong and will try and help.
Optimism is also a key factor. If you think negatively about things, negative events will happen. But if remain positive, they're less likely to happen. Can't say they won't, cause they will. You may also need to learn attention isn't everything. Exposing yourself to too much attention can lead to times of loneliness if you suddenly don't get that same amount of or more attention. But it can all change if you are willing...
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I am so sorry, I now what it feels like to not belong. I would hate for you to not continue doing the things you like just because you don't feel like you are good enough. Being a teenager is hard enough as is w/o feeling like an outcast. All I can suggest for you is to enjoy what you are doing, don't try too hard to be involved with the people you are doing them with. Find a shy girl to befriend, she may appreciate being noticed. Maybe you and she have more in common than you know. If your best friends are ignoring you maybe they are mot your best friends. Or maybe they are waiting for you to come talk to them. Don't let your weight be an obstacle. You are a fascinating person with lots of interests. Use that to your advantage.
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