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Depression.
14\Female.
I think I suffer from Depression. I always feel sad, and empty. At home I'm miserable. I hate it here, right when I get off the bus I go into my room and write and go to bed. I have stopped eating normaly- now the only time I do I bindge like crazy and eat everything in sight and that's when my Dad says something to me. At school I always have a smile on my face, and Im laughing with all my friends but I dont feel like me. But I fear that if I show up at school with sweats and a baggy T-shit and tell everyone I have considered cutting myself to remember what it feels like to be in control they wont like me. Which I know isn't the case. They love me, I know but I dont feel loved. I eat to fill this emptyness inside of me, cry when I get to angry and Im afraid I'll lash out. I cry constantly alone, but when Im with people I can't. I will always go to the bathroom... or my bedroom like Im ashamed of it. The storys I write that my friends say are ahmazeing are what I wish my life would be. No one knows how said I am, and its like I have two personalitys and I would gie anything to be the girls in my storys. The happy, go lucky always have a happy ending. I dont know what to do though Im afraid that if I tell my parents they wont care and wont do anything about it.
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i suffered through this exact thing for a long time.. and i know how it feels to feel empty. and trust me i know what it is like to want to keep to yourself because you feel ashamed that you are so unhappy. i've been there and let me tell you... you're not alone. you really need to consider talking to someone about it. if you dont want to go to your parents, you may want to try a sibiling [i dont know if you have any?] or you could talk to a friend. also if your school has one... you can always talk to the school psychologist or a guidance counselor at your school. if they can't help you... i am sure they will know of someone who can. the best thing to do is just remind yourself that you ARE loved.. maye you need to take more time with yourself and your family or do things with friends that show more of the true you.. dont get to caught up in your stories though, because that is not real life. when i went through my time of depression I would read about teenage girls who had it all... and in reality no one is really like that. so dont wish that you could be them... because that is not possible and it will only make you feel worse about yourself.
your are 14 and middle school is a really hard time. this is when i went through my really tough years too. but as you grow up... you will realize that there is a lot more to be happy about it and eventually you will find people who make you feel so loved that you wont even remember feeling empty. but try not to resort to drastic things such as cutting because this will not help. if the depression gets that bad, you need to talk to your parents about seeing a proffesional.
remember... your not in this alone and I am here if you ever need someone to talk to you. I really cna relate to this, so any questions you have... just inbox me. and if you ever just need to vent to someone who understands you can use the email on my page and i will listen and do my best to help you through this.
Good luck with everything :)
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Depression is hard to go trhough especially if you dont know the direct cause.. Hiding it i wut most people do czuse they dont want other people to get involved, so thats normal with depression.. but you need to talk to someone about it. If you feel you cant talk to your parents then i would suggest talkin to a best friend. Best friends will alwayz be there for you no matter what. It helps to get it out and to have some one that understands you. Once you find that person that you can go to everytime your feeling sad.. It will help.. things happen thats gone be beyond your controk but you just alwayz got to keep lookin at the bright things in life and that you only live once so you got to make the best of it right..
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