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I'm depressed because my 9 year old cousin DIED!
On May 22 I was given devistating news that after an 18 month battle with cancer my 9 year old cousin would die in any where from 2 days to 2 weeks. This news devistated me and left me not only depressed but i found myself isolating myself from others. Images ranging from him laying in bed paralized (he became paralized from teh waste down) to him laying there thinking (his organs began shutting downa nd week 2 he was not responding to anything) On June 4 he passed away which just sent me more into a down hill sprial. More images poured into my head and again more after his funearl on June 7. Now i find myself seeing his face every time i close my eyes-- pictures of him in his casket or burning in fire ( he was cremated after his viewing & service)
now i'm stuck.. trying to start a new beginging without him in ym life but with no help
i wnot talk to anyone but my boyfriend about it- and he seems to avoid the topic because he doesnt know waht to say.
so what do i do?
hwo do i move on with life?
how do i wake up every morning withotu first thinking if it was a terrible dream?
life has to go on, the world wont stop for me.. so what now?
i need to learn to "move on"
i'll never forget his strength, his courage, or his smile
but im afraid that if i move on, i'll forget
and i just can't let it be tru ein my head
so now what?
i just need help..
experiences, spiritual guidence- anything
please help!
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my dad died when i weas 12 and i would say i know how you feel but even though i've been through a death experience myself i still don't know your actual feelings but i can say i know it's hard without having your cousin in your life becouse iam 19 years old now and it's still hard without my dad around in my life especially on holidays like fathers day but things have gotten better for me becouse family has helped me through the hard times and if you have family that you are really close to try talking to them about your feelings about your cousin becouse talking about your problems usually helps in these kinds of situations and try to find a quiet time by yourself and pray and ask god to help you be strong in hard times. Iam sorry that i couldn't be more of help i hope things get better for you and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope this helps.
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I am sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin. My heart truly goes out to you, as I have been there.
I understand completely. My grandmother passed away in 1998.It is now 2008 and I still hurt the way I did when the family found someone bold enough to tell me. I was very close with her. I used to live with her, and she was like my mother, more of a mother figure to me than my real mother.
Celebrate his birthday, every year. I let balloons go for my grandmother's birthday and I light candles all over the house. Her birthday is a spiritual ritual for me that will never be broken, because my 3 children also do this and will continue once I have passed. Also, why not start up a fund for children with cancer or help get donations to make a large one to funds or charities already started on his behalf?
Why not start a group for people to chat or talk about the ones they love so dearly and have passed away? Don't forget his life and let not his death be in vain - seriously.
Moving on is something that has to be done, as life moves on you must move with it, in order to sustain and achieve things in life that your cousin would've looked up to you for doing, but now he is looking down on you from above as you do it.
I have come to learn that those who leave us physically haven't left us spiritually or mentally. remember that. As a matter of fact, I still talk to my grandmother in my mind, in my dreams and when I do it, I can feel her right there. I have gone through some hell since she has passed, but as I go through it and come out of it there is a strength there combined with God's and I feel that it is her.
Part of the reason I chose to help others is because she helped me and others so much and I refuse to allow her death be in vain. Death is viewed as negative because of the pain involved, and that's so understandable. There is also a positive within it to. The first positive is that there is no more suffering, sickness or pain. The second positive is that you have the ability to help others who are going through this. As you help others heal, you are also healing yourself too. The dreams that you are having, really compels me to encourage you to seek counseling now rather than later.
I am praying for your strength to carry this tremendous load up the mountain placed before you. Keep climbing, you are going to reach the top one day. Never forget his life because he will live on inside of your heart, soul and mind. Remember the good times and look forward to better times! my email address is sophia_pettus@yahoo.com. FEEL FREE to email me at any time.
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You know, the main problem with deaths is that we don't ever want to forget about that person & we're afraid that we will if we don't but we're afraid that we'll distort an image of perfection if we do talk about it.
Death is unfair, more unfair and untimely for some than others. And death hurts us all and impacts us in ways we don't think we can ever escape.
Depression, I've been living with it since I was in 3rd grade. It's crappy & it never goes away--it just gets worse. So I suggest you tell your parents about these feelings & maybe you could go get help from a therapist. It'll be a double goody since talking somewhat helps.
When my uncle died (lung cancer), I was pretty much half dead inside because he was my one and only uncle that I really loved and liked. But it helped me to pretend that by writing to him in a notebook, he was reading it and knowing everything that was going on (this was when I was 7, though, so it may sound foolish). And my best friend, he friend died in a car accident not long ago. The most prominent thing I saw that she did to deal with her friend's death was to just write about her. Write a poem, leave her messages on facebook, letters, cards, notes, etc.
I don't know if it's any help to you. But I can tell you that there is no magic word or amazing pill that can help you with your grieving process. I'm in my own grieving process over my best friend, who thankfully is still alive, but I believe will face mental retardation when he comes back fully.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me:
cancel.life@gmail.com
I may not be the optimistic person but sometimes it helps talk with someone who knows what you're feeling whether or not they gave you hope of happiness or hope of knowing that there is a life after this.
Emily
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first of all... i am SO sorry about your cousin, i now it must be so hard for you
what you need is a counselor. you need someone to talk too, someone who can help you get through this. it is good that your boyfriend is trying to help... but a proffesional is the one who will work best with you.
what you have to remember is, he doesnt want you to live your life in depression just because he cant be here. he wants you to be happy, if anythng live your life even better than you did before, so that you are living to please him. You will never forget him... and he will always be with you. he still loves you and he is watching over you. he wants you to be happy.
if you don't want to talk to a counselor and your religious... you can also talk to a priest. he will be able to guide you spiritually through this hard time.
i wish i could be of more help, but I do think that you should go see someone to talk to. it will help to get things out and not keep them all bottled up. just remember he doesnt want you to be sad, you got to live. so live in honor of him and live the fullest life you can.
Good luck with everything.
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