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very strange friend..
i'm a 16 year old girl..
my friend, who's also a girl and 17..well, she does the weirdest things that bother me. she calls me her best friend. let's just say that maybe she is.
well okay. this friend texts me about 10 times a day and tells me to "call her please?" okay, i call her. she spends 25 or so minutes rambling on about her problems, without giving me pauses in between so i could tell her about ME, and then, at the end she says "thanks for listening. bye"
i don't get it. i feel like she uses me.
another reason why i think she uses me is when i try and help her. i know it's hard on her..but her family's not too well off. they're having problems within and stuff. and well..i print stuff out for her and she kinda never thanks me. i insisted that i could help her out..and so now she acts as if its my obligation to print her stuff out and help her with homework AND listen to her problems.
also..i let her use my membership for the gym (my mom's) and she calls me and texts me sending me angry messages on when we could go already..acting as if its my responsibility to give her MY MOM's membership after I LET her borrow it for some days!
I mean, I understand she's older. But when things get to a certain point..they have to stop! Pretty soon, she might like start asking me for money or something. I don't know how to approach this situation. She thinks its my obligation to go to the gym with her when really its not. I'm just too weak to tell her. Am I exaggerating things? Cause I feel like she's using me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First of all, you aren't weak at all. You are acknowledging that you feel used, this makes you strong - There are 3 A's - Acknowledge, Admit and Accept. I am not saying accept that you being used, but I am saying accept the fact that this is something you must voice your feelings about with her. She is older, therefore she should have some level of responsibility and understanding mixed with maturity.
There is a way to talk to someone respectfully yet tactful. You are also correct, that pretty soon she most likely will ask you for money. It took me a long time to realize when I was being used, because I never had many friends, and so I just took it until one day a huge bottle fell from the sky and hit me right in the head! LOL seriously, I woke up and asked myself these questions.
1. Is this friendship beneficiary for me as it is for them?
2. Do I feel respected or used?
3. Is there anything that I can get from them? Would they loan to me or allow me to borrow if I asked them for something?
4. Do they listen to my problems and help me through them or do they just disregard what I am going through, only speaking of themselves- which is a sign of selfishness
Call her up, and talk to her or meet up with her and talk face to face - explain your idea of a friendship, your expectations,your needs as a friend, and allow her to discuss her views,upon doing this, you both can come to a mutual agreement of if this friendship works for both of you, or if it doesn't.
Good Luck!!
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Its completely understandable. They best thing to do, would be to sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you are feeling taken advantage of and just being used. She will either have no clue that thats how she was treating you and say sorry, or she's being doing it on purpose and being called out on it may stop her from doing it. You don't have to be confrontational about it. just tell her nicely. Let her know that you don't mind helping her every now and again, but you feel as if she isn't grateful for your help. let her know that your friendship seems a little one sided and that you would appreciate it if she would express her gratitude more when you help her out. I'm sure that once you two talk it will be better.
Hope it works out for you!
-CalamitySami
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It definatly seems like she is using you.. and you really need to talk to her about. just tell her, as nicely as possible, that you really want to help her out but the friendship needs to be two-sided. explaint to her that you really need someone to listen to your problems too. as for the gym membership and the printing out things for her, if her family is not well off you may be the first one to want to help her out. she probably just got a little carried away with her joy that she had someone that cared about her enough to help her. just tell her that it is not your responsibility to help her, yes you will when you can, but she cant get angry at you when you can't. it sounds like she is going through a really hard time so be supportive but let her know that you are not going to let her use you.
Good luck with it :)
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