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Cell Phone
I was involved with someone for over 17 years up and down in and out.. He recently purchased a cell phone. He doesn't leave it out. He keeps it on him at all times, even while sleeping. The cell phone stays on vibrate. I have advised how I feel about it. Which is, I don't like it. He is attempting to re-establish trust and the cell is consistently on vibrate. Would you question the reason of why or would you just respect his privacy? Yes,there has been trust issues due to misuse of previous cell phones. The cell phone wasn't purchased until we had an arguement. It wasn't discussed nor was it financially planned.
In the past I have gone through his phone because I wanted to confirm my feelings of mistrust which was how I found out that in the past he has misued his cell phone. Thoughts??? opinions??
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I def think that something questionable is going on. He never wants it to be heard and always keeps it to himself. But he could also just tying to teach you a lesson or spit you with it to see if you really trust him. What do you mean by misused? As in cheating? I would give him some time and see if anything changes. Try not to act like it bothers you and see if anything changes. He might realize that you trust him and stop.
If nothing changes then confront him. Tell him that you care for him and you trust him but he should also not be as private as he is being. Everyone is entitled to their privacy but this is a little much. Someone who doesn't have anything to hide would let his phone free every once in a while.
Trust goes both ways...you need to trust that he isn't doing anything wrong and he need to trust you enough to let you know whats going on in his life. Without trust, there can be no love.
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The cell phone is not your problem here.
If a guy can't get a cellphone and leave it on vibrate without you feeling motivated to submit it to the advicenator court as formal evidence then you both, him and you, are in a miserable marriage that requires a professional counselor, not an online-advisor and not premission to go through his things.
It's not about respecting his privacy, so much as it's about being the kind of person, in the kind of relationship, that you would wish to be.
See a counselor or therapist ASAP. Either that or leave him now. You obviously have no trust or faith and little patience left for him. If you want to improve your realtionship, get help. If you want out, get out now. There is nothing about your question that could allow any rational person to feel optimistic about the situtation.
EDIT: I do apologize for using the word marriage. It was an unfortunate slip and I am sorry for it. You will see I hope, that I only used it once, and referred to your relationship in all other instances.
I was not, in the least, ignoring the reasons for the issues of trust. You did not give details on those issues except to say they existed. As I did not want to presume as to the nature of them, I simply made the only rational suggestion I could for you, with no address to what I could geuss his behavoir might have been: You need counseling. Either the both of you togeather, or by yourself. You need a third party with whom to discuss these issues. You don't need to snoop. You need outside professional help.
Things will get worse if you don't look outside your emotionally charged relationship for some assistance.
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