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Cutter.
So one of my friends cuts. hes been cutting for a while, and hes been on and off with cousellors and stuff. Hes always talking to me about his cutting but never about how hes handling it or how he wants to stop. So tonight I kinda flipped out, im trying to help him by giving him suggestions on what he can do to try and figure out his problem. You see hes so stubborn that hes always trying to find something wrong. He started calling me little miss perfect, saying stuff how im always trying to fix peoples problems. So I got ticked. I told him if you dont want help dont ask for it, because everyone seems to ask for help and when I give them it they turn and treat me like crap.
So now apparently hes going to the hospital. Im assuming because he cut himself bad after our coversation. The convo didnt end well, infact it didnt really end at all, i just signed out. Should I feel bad? Does it seem like I made a poor choice in how I responded to him? I know that hes sensitive but why should I always "baby" him or cover up whats really going on when he needs to hear the truth. I've tried the nice way, the funny way, the boring ways, and tonight i've tried the mean way. Regardless, im always listening to him whine and complain about how he wants to stop but he never takes it uppon himself to really find ways to stop. Im just so frustrated with it.
Feel Guilty or not guilty?
I think not guilty but I just need to see it from someone elses side.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
He doesn't want to fix his problem.
He wants to whine at you, have you sympathize and fuss over him, insult you and reject your every suggestion and then go back to doing whatever the hell he wants too.
You don’t need to feel guilty because he made a choice, and it was a bad one.
But here is the rub: When helping someone starts to turn YOU into someone you don’t want to be, it’s time to stop. When caring about someone makes you starting to be cruel or mean to them, it’s time to stop caring so much.
If you DO feel guilty by all means apologize to him for whatever you think you did wrong. But don’t beat yourself up. Perhaps it’s time to take this as a lesson that he really, really, doesn’t want your help and it’s time to sit back and let him do whatever the hell he wants too.
If you can’t do that and still be his friend, then stop being his friend. It’s not your job to stand by a friend to the point that it makes you a person you don’t want to be. It’s your job to decide how much you can bare. If you can no longer bare the burden of trying to convince him not to do destructive things, bow out gracefully, tell him that you care about him and go no longer watch him do these things, and let him look to someone else for this particular brand of ‘helping’.
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I know you've tried everything to help your friend but flipping out on him was not right . I know if i was you i would of lost all patience too, but it wasn't the right move to make. If he can't come to you about it who can he go to? I don't think you should be guilty of his cutting however, your anger got the better of you, and it hurt your senstive friend. I know you inintensionally meant to upset him but you did - that's where i think the guilt should come in. Never the less - you are RIGHT - if he doesn't want it he shouldnt slate it but just rememeber, sometimes there is stuff he wants to hear but you don't give it to him. Let him know what you feel, like what the cutting makes you feel and how you don't want to lose him. Just be there for him and when he comes for advice, let him know what you think but try to look at it in his shoes too. He probarbly has so much anger because he gives in all the time and then you give him feedback he doesn't always want to hear [im just guessing, i mean im not him]
Hope I helped = ]
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It's really not your fault he cuts. He IS just eally stubborn. He needs professional help seriously. You did the best that you can. Just continue to support him to get better and ignore his comments. Maybe he is going through a rough patch in his life. I hope he gets better soon.
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Cutting is a deep rooted problem, and it is very sensitive to deal with. It seems to me that he does want help, but he doesn't know how to get it, or is too scared to talk to anyone about it. You, however, have his trust, and this is perhaps why he opened up with you.
I can tell you are deeply concerned about him, and this is a very intense issue that cannot be solved in a matter of paragraphs. But I can reccomend a couple books to you. "Inside a Cutter's Mind: Understanding And Helping Those Who Self-Injure", and "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation".
I used to cut. It wasn't until my therapist gave me these books that I finally began to understand fully why I was the way I was. There are also chapters for non-cutters, to help you better help your loved one overcome their illness.
Just remember... there is hope. It will take time. But you can help him... if he really is ready to be helped.
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no, your not the guilty person in this.. you tried your best to help him out... and obviously when he started calling you "little miss perfect" it would have got on your nerves.. because you tried hard to help him out.. i would have felt the same.. he's probably suffering from a mental disorder and he needs serious help from a psychology doctor...he trusts you alot that probably why he opened up to you.. he needs help!!!so i guess his parents should take some serious alternatives to combat this as this could lead to suicide..
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