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still in love with him (ITS LONG!)
okay so i got my first serious boyfriend in december... and we dated for almost 4 months...but he was the first guy ive ever felt that way about...all the other guys from my past its never felt right which is why i would never pursue a relationship...but with this one it was different. he was so perfect.
well we broke up about a week before our 4 month because it was a long distance relationship and the stress was just really getting to him. it was really hard for me because i love him. i tried to pull myself together but i cried all the time which only led to more fights with him.
then i decided that if i cant have him as my boyfriend i still want to have him as a friend because he knows me better than anyone. so i pulled myself together and acted like i was fine and things were going good, and we still talked all the time...probably just as much as when we were dating.
then we got into another fight and things were just bad. he told me not to call him or text him and if i did then i could delete his number from my phone. so it was hard but we didnt talk for 4 days. then he called me and we talked about it and he said he just needs to focus on other things and he cant have a relationship with me right now...but maybe in the future. i know he still loves me and i obviously am very much in love with him and he tells me that he doesnt want me to get over him but he doesnt want to be with me and we barely talk now which is super hard for me.
its so hard for me to be his "friend" when i still have all these feelings for him and he is so good at showing that he doesnt even care. anyway, i dont know what to do. im not ready to move on but its so hard keeping my feelings inside. i just love him so much but i dont want to keep making his life worse because of what i want.
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First thing is first, you aren't making his life worse because of the feelings you have, it's yours that's getting hard to handle. Don't think for a second that you are hurting him. You seem like a good hearted person and I know that these situations are rough. I'm here to be honest to you, I'm not going to be the one to tell you what you want to hear because that wouldn't be helping at all. You said yourself it's hard to be his "friend" because of your feelings for him, then stop. Easier said than done I know. You need to tell him that you agree you all both need to focus on other things. Tell him straight up that you care about him too much to be around him and push those feelings to the side. Try out the "no contact" calender. Don't talk to him, don't text him, don't go out of your way to see him. You need to take some time to figure out what it is you want and what you are willing to go through for it. I mean I know that he is what you want, but is it worth putting your life on hold and breaking your heart everytime you see him? Whether or not he still cares is irrelevant. You need to look out for your best interest, no one else is going to. I'm not telling you go out and find another man, Im just saying leave this one alone for a bit. Give him the time and space he wants and take the time and space you need. Go out with your friends, have a good time living the single life. You need to just be yourself for a while. Babe no matter what happens I wish you teh best of luck and hope that all works out well for you. Let me know how things go.
<3 Leslie
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It sounds to me like this boy is trying to hold on to you, but push you away at the same time. Pursuing a friendship after a relationship is one of the trickiest parts of love. It's hard to have a person break you heart and then try to comfort you, too.
But this is when you need to decide what's more important to you-- a friendship with him, or a relationship{sometime in the future}. Right now, you can't have both since he's not exactly working his feelings in your favor.
By being his friend, you're going to be more prone to hurting a lot of the time. If you really want this, you'll have to avoid conversation which leads to the relationship you once had.
If you really can't handle being his friend, because you love him-- you're just going to have to wait. But, it's not fair of him to give you false expectations and make you feel like there's a chance when in fact there may not be.
I really hope this all works out for you. Keep your head up and remember that there's a new beginning at every ending. Missing him is going to hurt--- bad. But, every day will become a bit easier.
Good luck!! =)
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