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i feel as if she is accussing me of something that is not tr


Question Posted Thursday April 24 2008, 2:06 am

I have this friend that is a very jealous woman over her husband. I am one of her husband's favorite people to talk to, but we have not talked in a very long time because he got a new job halling traliers across the country. I don't have any type of communication with him, but I do get to talk to her all of the time. She is actually more like a mother to me, or I thought. He recently came home for a visit and had dinner with her, some more friends and myself. After dinner she had to go somewhere and he went back home I am assuming, I went off and played with some of my friends and then went and talked to a classmate about some homework. According to my roomate she came up to her and asked her where I was in a angry or worried tone. She has never asked where I was before? My roommate said that maybe it is because she suspects that something is going on between her husband and I but that is totally bizarre and disgusting on so many levels. I don't know what to do, and I am afriad to ask her since all she told me when I got back with her was "I was just wondering where you were that's all" What should I do? And what are the likely thoughts of my friend?

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Brandi_S answered Friday April 25 2008, 12:46 am:
Well, it's possible she is worried something is going on that shouldn't be, or it could very well be possible that she was completely honest in just wondering where you were. You don't really know unless you go to her with your concerns.

You need to talk to her about it. Don't be afraid to ask, and if she gives you the same reason, don't be afraid to tell her how you are feeling about it.
I mean, yah, you're friends with her husband, but obviously you are friends with her as well. Friends should be able to feel comfortable talking to one another about feelings and such, even about those feelings and concerns that are of an uncomfortable subject.

If you don't feel comfortable outright asking "Are you worried we're having an affair?" then explain to her how your roommate described her tone of voice, and that they assume she suspects something is going on that really isn't. Explain to her how that now has you worried that she may think you would do something like that to her. Then go from there.

I mean, if I were in her shoes, and IF I did suspect my husband and our friend were up to the dickens, I'd feel better about it if our friend noticed my worries and talked about it with me to assure me I had nothing to worry about.

You have to consider this- he hauls trailers across country. So he's an over the road driver, and is likely gone days at a stretch. When he's home, they hang out together with friends, then he goes off and does his own thing. (Well, this time we're discussing, at least.)

Perhaps she finds that bothersome? I think I would. Why? We spend days apart from one another, when we're together we spend time with others, then he goes off to spend time without me. I may get all hurt and think he'd rather spend time away from me. I may get all worried thinking he'd rather spend his time with friends than spend time alone with me.
That would tend to make me jealous, and in turn, I would likely not think rationally.

You know. Such as thinking my husband would rather spend quality time with our female friend...

Make sense?

ygs-30/f

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kayybabyx3 answered Thursday April 24 2008, 10:27 pm:
you need to make it blatantly clear that there is NOTHING whatsoever going on between you and her husband. let her know that you two are just friends and nothing more. explain it calmly to her and let her know that she can trust you. let her know how you feel about her husband [that he's JUST your friend and he's like a brother to you]. make sure you pick a good time (i.e. when you two are alone and her husband is out of town) that way she knows that you arent with him and it gives you two a better chance to talk. you may want to confirm your suspicions before you talk to her because she may overreact if you approach her out of the blue. best of luck<3

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