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How do I get rid of my stalker ex?
This is a bit long, but you have to understand the entire deal...
I was with living with this guy for 4 years. From the very beginning, we had problems getting along. I was in love with him at first, but over time, frustration built up, and my feelings began to die, and I finally built up the courage to tell him how I really felt (after months of what I thought were obvious hints.)
I finally kicked him out of my house a couple months ago, and at first, I said I wish we could be friends again. But, the moment I was nice to him, he assumed we're getting back together. So I started ignoring him. Then the text messages started. So I told him one day, that I wanted him to leave me alone, I had no interest in getting back together with him, and that it was time for him to move on. I just didn't feel the same for him anymore.
But the texts continued, and then the desperate, sad voicemails, then the emails all saying the same thing (I've changed! Give me another chance! I need you! I love you! What did I do wrong?). He's even gotten his sister and her boyfriend to bug me about it! And over the past month or two, he's just dropped by unannounced 4 times, one time coming in the back door when I didn't answer the front door. I thought if I just ignored him he'd go away, but things are just getting worse.
Aside from him calling me 5 times a day, his sister left me a text saying I had to talk to him because she was worried he was going to kill himself. And now, I think he started reading my email! (I've already changed my password) I never told him the name of a guy I was chatting with online, and I never called him a stalker to his face, but he's brought up both of those things in voicemails. Then, today, I got a notification that I requested my password on paypal, when I never did. That may not have been him, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were.
I'm starting to get really irritated, and a little concerned. I don't want to get a restraining order, because I don't think I'm in physical harm, but it's getting bad and I don't know how to deal with this anymore. Please help!
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I totally understand what you are going through, my ex boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up because of the same reason and he searched the entire town for me and threatened to beat my friends up and then came to my house unannounced and wouldn't leave. He really wouldn't take the hint and it finally came down to me telling him that he was psycho, then he threantened to kill himself, so I called his parents and family and told them about it. He finally started to back off and get back on track, now we are able to be friends without any problems. Yes, he still sometimes brings up the past and tells me he misses me, but he cares about me enough to know when enough is enough.
Now I don't know how your ex is and how he will react, but he most likely isn't going to kill himseld, if he was he would be doing it not talking about it. You are really probably going to have to tell him to his face to back off, that he isn't in your life anymore and that if he keeps it up you will call the police, because this could escalate and cause you some major problems later in life. If he doesn't back off after that I suggest changing the locks on your house, your number, your email everything and the I would consider going to the police about it.
Hope I Helped.
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im sorry about all this. its kinda scary.
well first off. you need to then his sister to but out. this has nothing to do with her. and as for the guy, hes going way overboard. how many people have you told about this whole problem? what are there ideas on it. and if you think hes getting your passwords for everthing, then you need to call the police, because that can be a crime. and if his sister thinks hes going to kill himself, then she needs to get help for him. and if hes reading your emails, then you need to change your password. alot. and also, check your account settings to make sure that everytime u change your password, that he doesnt get an email saying that you did and the new password. and how do you know he wont hurt you? did you think he could be a stalker or that he could be this way? a restraining order does help. you could and maybe should call the police, or tell him that if he doesnt stop, you are going to have to contact the police. because he may be dangerous.
ps. maybe you should also tell the police if u think he may kill himself. cause that may be a sign of a mental illness and it could just be getting worse. and the reason for all this.
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Three steps:
ONE. Tell his sister and friend that you are very sorry that they is worried about him, but if they genuinely fear he might be suicidal then they needs to talk to him and persuade him to get some help because you will NOT be speaking to him, or to them, about this issue again. Period. If they e-mail you trying to talk about him, answer only with “I’m sorry, I won’t talk about this anymore.” If they call, do not pick up or respond. If you speak to them politely say the same thing.
TWO. E-mail him with a frank, straight forward e-mail expressing for the final time that will not be getting back together with him, and that you are now very uncomfortable with how much he has been calling and that needs to stop. Also, explain to him that 'dropping by' is frightening behavior and if he does it again, you will not be answering any door or speaking to him and will call someone for help. Explain that you need to take care of yourself right now, and you’ve realized that means no longer speaking to him. Ask him to respect that. Try to keep it very, very short and to the point. Tell him exactly what behavoir you want him to stop and leave it at that.
THREE. Stick to the above plan. His mental health is not your responsibly. Your own mental health is. Do NOT respond to his sister or friend with anything but polite refusals to have these conversations. Do NOT respond to any of his e-mails or calls. Do NOT let him in. Call a friend, preferable a neighbor, or the police if he will not leave.
Restraining orders are not just for when someone might harm you physically, they are also for when someone is greatly decreasing your quality of life through some form of harassment. He is harassing you. Send him that one more e-mail, so that the police will have firm evidence of the behavior you have told him to stop, if you need to go to them with it. After that, all communication is over.
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you may think there's no harm in this now. he may have mental issues if his sister thinks hes gonna kill himself. things are only going to get worse. i'd recommend a restraining order and QUICK. i also suggest a new cellphone number. i wouldnt move away, thats a bit drastic. but you need to tell him next time he calls or comes over or anything. tell him you leave you alone or you WILL get the police involved. and if he doesnt leave you alone after that? hey, you gave him a fair warning. call the cops and quick if this crap continues! you never know...you may actually be in some harm.
so yes. get the cops involved. do whatever you have to. i really hope you get rid of this psycho. and if you want to, keep me in touch.
take care.
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