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Ugh, it's so annoying.
My mom never lets me pay for anything. If I want to go shopping, I'd rather pay for it so that my dad doesn't get mad at her, but she NEVER lets me. & if I offer to pay for my own clothes, she gets mad at me & says it's "stupid." & I TRY to help out around the house cause my brother never does. THEN, my brother goes on & on about how spoiled I am & how I get everything I want without even working for it & how I'm a brat & everything & my mom AGREES with him. I honestly don't understand it. Why will she NOT let me pay for anything & get annoyed when I try to help, but then turn around & say how spoiled & bratty I am?
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talk to her about it. tell her that you want to pay and that you try to help but that she never let's you. tell her that your upset with her because she never lets you pay or help and that when she calls you a brat doesn't make any sense. make sure she knows how you feel and voice your opinion.
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Your mom is just afriad of change is all. She is more comfortable with the current arrangemet, where she pays and then teases you about it, then she would be with you exercising some independance and paying for things yourself.
A lot of parents are uncomfortable when thier kids start to be independant and responsible. Without meaning too, she is probably trying to keep you 'kid-like' for a while longer.
Ignore your brother. His opinion about your mother's spending habits is totally irrelevant.
Talk to her about the problem, when your brother isn't around. Be calm and address your own feelings, not her behavoir, like this:
Mom, when you agreed with my brother about me being spoiled it really hurt my feelings. I don't want you to feel I'm spoiled or resent me. What EXACTLY can I do to show you I am not being spoiled?
Listen calmly to what she has and keep asking "What can I do differently?"
If she says things that hurt your feelings or tries to draw you into an argument, don't bite the bait, just thank her for talking to you about this and tell her you'll think about what she said.
This is partly about you learning what your mother is seeing, and partly about exposing her own irrational thinking to her. She might try to be agressive and cause you to act immaturely during this conversation, that is why its VERY important to stay calm and mature.
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Why don't you just clean up around the house without asking. Like say the family room has toys on the floor. Without asking, just pick it up. Say you are home alone with dirty dishes in the sink, wash them.
Do little things without showong them that you are doing it and you will not be spoiled. As for your brother, ignore him. When you will be helping out in your own way, you won't need him telling you things.
If that fails, then try to talk to them. Say like "how do you expect me to be not spoiled when you don;t let me do anything?"
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