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Me and my best friend and her boyfriend
Ok so me and my best friend have been REALLY REALLY close for the past 7 or 8 months now and all of a sudden she meets this guy named brandon and he's 20 he's in the navy he's in virginia. My best friend is 16. And ever since she met him she acts like all her old friends are nothing she spends 16 hours on the phone with him and at the same time she's sitting on the computer with him too. Well they fight alot and he is jelous of everything she does. He's jelous of me and Chelsea's ex and my ex's too. Her parents are building a pool and he doenst want them to because he thinks she's going to have a bunch of guys over. He gets very violent too he likes to hit things when him and chelsea fight. And he never wants her to have fun or talk to anyone but him. Me and her cant have a girls day without him in the picture somewhere. He has her convinced that they are going to get married. Chelsea has always been the one to pick on me for losing my virginity at 16 when i was with him for 7 months. She has been with Brandon for 2 months and they've already had sex and the gross part I was sleeping in the same bed with them and they did it. I think that's messed up. I know this guy is just going to hurt her and i love her way to much but he is doing everything to make it so me and he dont talk. I havent spoken to her in 3 days because he wont let her get off the phone. So i have a feeling he's cheating because of how jelous he is. So what do i do? I already tried to tell her all of this and she just gets mad and says "Im gonna be ith him for the rest of my likfe i love him more than i've ever loved anyone and that will never change he's the only one i need" yet she runs to me (the only real friend she has left) when they fight. What do i do?
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Hi. Wow. Girl, Chelsea is just a little love-sick and confused. It is not right for her to blow you, her best friend, off. By what you told me, I don't think that her boyfriend is cheating on her. He is too jealous of everything she does and loves and he takes up all her time. My advice is that (since you have already let her know you have a problem with her boyfriend) you tell her not to call you or anything else until she gets her act together. The next time they have a fight, you wont be there and then she will feel sorry. If she says she cares about his feelings more than yours and you and her have been friends way longer, than she is taking you for granted and is not a good friend. Don't waste your time being a third wheel, either. You sound like you have a good personality and you deserve way better.
Vickki
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The best thing you can do is remind yourself that it is impossible to control what SHE does.
Then, start being firm about what you are willing to do, because it's okay to have stardards for yourself.
Are you willing to spend a night with the two of them? No. Then politely refuse too.
Are you willing to socailize with him at all? No. Then polietly refuse too. If he just 'shows up' on one of your girls days out, call your a parent, or a cab, to take you home.
Explain it to your friend this way "I love you, but I have to have certain stardards for ME and the people I am willing to have around. I have decided that his violent and controlling behavoir is making ME unhappy, and I can't be around it anymore. You can be around him if you want, and I will always love and support whatever you choose, but I have chossen NOT to socailize with him, and I hope you can respect that and still have a space for me in your life."
She will be hurt, and she will argue with you, and say you are making her choose between him and you. You aren't. You are standing up for yourself and setting a reasonable boundry. Understand that when you do this, she might have LESS time for you, and you need to be okay with that and respect her choice as best you can.
Doing this will cut down on your misery, and more importantly, it will show her what standing up for yourself looks like. Lead by example: Label his behavoir unacceptable, and then stop accepting it. Show her through your actions, with should be firm but friendly (never fight, just say "I'm sorry, I have to leave now." and be forgiving of the fact he will constantly call her... that is just what controling people do) that you can love her but still be true to yourself and have standards.
Good luck. Be strong.
(You might also consider informing a parent. Either annoynously, or through your parents or school. Although that seems exteem, and like betrayal, if you begin to fear for her safety, you ABSOLUTELY MUST tell an adult. Because of the age difference, they can, and probably should be, seperated. Remember that, and if it becomes a choice between loosing her friendship, or saving her from harm, risk the friendship and tell an adult.)
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