|
Imitation is SUPPOSED to be the highest form of flattery
Ok, I have this best friend, I'll call her Sierra. Now, Sierra is great and everything, but she's a little... well, to be honost, she's a complete poser. But instead of posing as a certain stereotype [skater, prep, emo, etc.] She copies me! She ALWAYS does what I do! Don't get me wrong, I am flattered, but it's annoying, especially when people actally believe her about things she says she does. Like art, for example. I've had a huge passion for drawing since Pre-K. My dad's side of the family were artists, so I kind of grew up around the environment. I have a sketchbook that I take to school, to doodle when I get bored in class. Ok, a few weeks ago, I had my sketchbook out in study hall and was doodling, when she comes up and asks me what i'm doing. I answered and then she goes off about how she "loves to draw too!" and "what a coincidance!". I have never, I mean NEVER, heard or saw any of this sudden artistic surge before, from her. She went on and on about how she was a "deep thinker artisticly inclined" [her exact words] person, and said she would bring her sketchbook so we could "study each other's artistic skills". Well, she goes out that night and buys her self one of those little kid's diaries, with lined, pink pages, and about the size of a regular chapter book. It was brand new, and I knew this for a fact, because it had a price tag on it.
That's just one example. Another;
My dad and I absolutely LOVE the Beatles. My dad has almost all of their cd's and some records and I've got most downloaded on my ipod. I've loved them for a while, and all my friends knew it, but until Sierra came along, no one really cared. She came along and decided she suddenly "loved the beatles" also. She only knows one song by them, but she acts like she knows all about them.
There are many other circumstances too. It has gotten to the point where she has even begun to dress like me! She wears the same shirt I do every day in gym. Don't get me wrong, it's flattering, but it's gotten to the point where it's a little infuriting. However, we happen to be best friends. I don't know how that worked out though, but we are best friends, since I DO like her as a person. It's just annoying as hell for someone to copy every move you make or thing you say. How do I let her know how much it annoys me, without actually saying it to her face? She's a tad Bipolar and gets set off very easily. I just don't want to ruin our friendship. Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
OMG
I was in the EXACT same delema
If thats how you spell it...
Anywho, my friend...lets call her Tina, always did EVERYTHING I did just like your friend
But she lived in a different town as me
She moved away a few years ago and we wrere firends over the phone and she would come over sometimes.
But after years of her INSANE-NESS I was through with it
She was basically stealing my life right out from under me
What I did was
-Tell her what she was doing and how I felt about it
She stopped for awhile but then it started up even WORSE
So then I did this
-I told her I'm not gonna be her friend anymore ad then blocked EVERYWAY that she could talk to me
Though, this is easier for me because she doesnt go to my school...
But try it
]
well the way i see it you have three options..
1. ignore the fact that shes doing this.
2. stop being friends with her.
or 3. confront her about the situation and explain your feelings about it.
all three are hard and i think only number 3 is the best.
you don't have to say anything to her about it, but if you do you could say something along the lines of "lately i've noticed you've become a lot alike me, don't get me wrong you're my best friend, but i think it'd be better if we were more individual ya know? had as many differences as similarities. i like who you truly are not who you try to be. i'm not being harsh, i just want you to start being more yourself."
good luck :D
]
Well, you're right. She's copying you because she admires you and wants to be like you. She may also think that it will strengthen your friendship; the more you have in common, the closer you'll be. So she does all she can to show you how much "alike" you are.
But yeah, it's definitely annoying when someone copies you! I've had it happen to me, and I always wondered why it bothered me so much. We should be flattered, right? So why is it so irritating? I think the reason is...
We all have certain traits that make us unique, make us who we are. Like your drawing, and love of the Beatles. When someone else copies that, it's not unique to us anymore; it's like they've stolen some of our individuality. Suddenly your sketchbook doesn't make you special anymore, because your friend does it, too.
But the truth is, you're a lot more than just your style and talents and interests. It's the combination of all those things that makes you unique. And no matter how hard she tries, she will never be able to duplicate ALL those things. Even if she succeeds in imitating some things, there's no way she can ever BE you. And everyone else knows that. It's obvious to everyone that YOU'RE the artist, and that she's copying YOU.
What your friend probably needs is a little confidence boost, so she can feel good about her own unique qualities. It might help for you to pick a few of her good traits and really make a big deal about them. Let her know that you really like some of the things that make her DIFFERENT from you. Then she might not need to copy you so much.
Hope this helps, and good luck! =]
]
I believe you still have to tell her up front whether you like it or not. I think notes/messages are sketchy and cliche. They allow you to think of what you want to say instead of downright saying it!
But yea, you prolly have to tell her upfront. Not saying you HAVE to, Im saying it will be the better option to take. By confronting her, your saying its not just something general, its important. So when you do talk to her about, keep it calm and settled so that nothing will get too out of hand. If you notice your voice is getting louder or speeding up, pause and tone it down. Remind her that everyone is an individual and that everyone like their individuality. Be patient with her, and let it take time to sink into understanding. Because if its all done right, everything will even out in the end.
I bet she has a good reason to try to like the things you like. But its a matter of communication that will let you and her know your boudaries of whats comfortable and not. And after you discuss the problem and feel like shes getting it, maybe every now and again warn her shes doing it, but dont pester her.
I wish you good luck b(^_o)
]
More Questions: |