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Fancy my girlfriends friend.
Ok so I do love my girlfriend, I know it will sound weird given the title of my question, but I do love her. She's my best friend and we've been together 15 months, I see her almost everyday and when I don't see her I miss her. We do loads together, we have dinner together almost every evening, go out socialising and have a really good time. However, since my 18th birthday I've found myself more and ore attracted to one of her friends. To be honest I've fancied her since before I even first met my girlfriend and recently we've been spending more time together, hanging out, going to pubs etc. and now we work together. I feel horrible for liking her the way I do. I have a massive thing against cheating in relationships and yet whenever I'm with her I never even think about my girlfriend. My girlfriend have had troubles in the past, she cheated on me and there's always been a worry she could do it again. I know she wouldn't and trust her, but I have an over active imagination. Anyway i'm really starting to like this other girl. She's cute (really hot), she's funny and we get on. She split up from her bf recently and she's talking about getting back with him which kinda pisses me off. Basically I don't know what to do. I love my gf but find that we're starting to grow a litte bit apart and i feel awful for liking another girl. anyone help Thanks.
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Well, the situation you're in is acutally quite common. It happens to just about everyone. And while this may be the first time you've found yourself in this dilemma, it's probably not going to be the last.
As you said, you love your girlfriend. But the fact is, even when you really love someone, it's possible to be attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean you love your girlfriend any less; it's just a normal thing that sometimes happens. It can even happen when you're happily married! Being in a relationship doesn't stop you from noticing other girls and enjoying their attention. Especially if you really hit it off. It always makes you feel good to know that a pretty girl is attracted to you!
When you find yourself in that situation -- when you're in a relationship but have a chance to be with someone else -- you basically have three choices:
1) If you really think you'll be happier with this other girl, you can break up with your girlfriend and give the new girl a try. You may be happier... and you may not. It's always a risk. Only you can decide whether it's a chance worth taking, based on your feelings for your current girlfriend. But keep in mind that the part of you that wants to be with this other girl is going to be looking for reasons to dump your girlfriend. Problems that you'd normally overlook or try to work out will be magnified and seem worse than they are. So when you're weighing the pros and cons, be sure to ask yourself, "If this other girl wasn't in the picture, would this problem really bother me that much?"
2) You can stay with your girlfriend and secretly see her friend while you make up your mind who you like better. Obviously, that would be cheating, and that's never a good choice!
3) If you're really happy with the girl you're with, and don't want to risk losing her, then you need to learn how to handle this kind of situation. You'll need to tell yourself, "It feels good to know that I could be with this other girl, but I'm not going to act on it." You may have to force yourself to stop thinking about her, and make an effort to avoid her for a while. You may even want to tell her how you feel: that you find her attractive, and you enjoy being with her, but that you're happy with your girlfriend and don't want to risk losing her.
Number 3 can be pretty hard to do, but it's an important thing to learn. Some people never learn it; they go through life jumping from one relationship to another, always looking for excitement and greener pastures, but never being truly happy.
Of course, you're still young, and it's prefectly normal to want to date different people. That's how you learn what type of person you want to be with in the long run. But on the other hand, if you've found someone you really love, there's not much need to keep shopping around. There will always be lots of cute, nice girls you'll have a chance of being with, but finding one who really loves you and will stick with you though thick and thin isn't so easy.
It would be better to end your relationship because you're just not happy anymore, rather than just because you have a chance with another girl. So just give some serious thought to how you really feel about your relationship with your girlfriend.
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well first off what ever you do. dont cheat. but if you like this other girl then maybe you should ask your girlfriend for a brake or a little space. nothing big but you just need time to figure things out. and then you would have time to think things threw without anyone to interupt. it will help alot. because i know its hard and you will feel bad but you will feel worse if something happens between you and this girl.
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First off, you need to decide if staying with your girlfriend is what you want.
You know you shouldn't cheat.
You know you kinda want too.
So either you choose to stay in your relationship and NOT cheat, or you choose to end the relationship because you don't think you can NOT cheat and still be happy.
Everyone has crushes and lust, that is totally cool, but when you started talking in this question about your girlfriends past infidelities and the 'growing apart' it's pretty obvious what you are trying to do: You are starting to justify feeling more for her friend then just lust. You probably haven't even noticed it yet but ideas like 'we're just growing apart but I love her' and 'I feel horrible about it, but I can't stop' are at the very beginning stages of justifying cheating. The next stage starts to sound like 'I haven't done anything technically wrong, so I wont worry my wonderful girlfriend?'.
Call a spade a spade: If you want out of your relationship, get out, but don't start thinking that for some twisted reason in your own brain that you can have it all: your loved girlfriend AND a fling with her best friend. You don't get both and remain a decent guy.
Take some time away from the both of them and figure out what you want. If you don't, things will just 'happen' to you, and those things will be messy. If you want to stay in your relationship, that will probably mean cooling off the friendship and not hanging out with her outside of work until you have a better handle on your emotions.
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