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Helping a friend
My friend has times when he can be rather depressed. He won't want to do anything, but I'll try to get him to go do things with me to get his mind off of things. Sometimes it will help. Btw I'm 15/f and my friend is 17/m. We're good friends and I hate to see him hurting. He has a girlfriend who he doesn't see very much and she is kind of a b***h, and his father abusive. I thought my friend was getting better. He had seemed happy, but then he stopped telling me about things and started keeping in his emotions, but it didn't seem that bad. He had talked about suicide before and I talked to him about it and he said he wouldn't actually do it. I know he has a big fear of death. He hates seeing people in pain. So, what got we worrying was his sister. She said that he has been talking about killing himself a lot, and she tries to comfort him. He always asks her what she would do if he died. His home has been getting kinda bad. I told him he can always stay with me and get away and I try to help him, but he needs more. What can I do for him? Also, he knows he's depressed, and once told me, he would do anything to stop it; medication, or even suicide. I'm very worried about him. I love him very much and don't want to see him hurt. Please tell me what I should do, how I should talk to him. What are some things I can do for him myself right not without getting outside sources involved? Thanks in advance.
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He needs to talk to a professional doctor about this if it gets beyond control. Usually, i wouldn't be saying this but since he's taking about taking his life more often, it's beyond his friends and family.
You're doing the right things though, keep on talking to him and getting him out of the rut of suicide because you know and he knows that he won't do it, but some people who are depressed sink even further and actually commit suicide.
You can help him out of this, but he needs the support of his family and friends, not just you and his sister. His father needs to realise what is happening and help because this is his sone which we're talking about and a son who wants to take his own life.
Good luck with the future all of you and feel free to e-mail me (triquetra_advice@hotmail.com) or drop another question into my inbox,
triquetra
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The easiest way to get through stuff like this is to talk it out... He needs to get out his emotions in some way or another, it sounds like you may be the best source for this. I suggest flat out just having a conversation with him, ask him how he's doing, what you can do to help and just that you're thinking about him. Find a way to prove to him that he can trust you... that way he will be able open up and tell you what is going on. He can't hide behind his emotions though because that will someday lead him down the wrong path. I personally went through a painful time about a year ago and didn't have anyone to talk to. When my emotions got the best of me, I found myself punching things and hurting myself. I soon after found out that the best way to control myself was through talking. He may not be willing to right away but once you convince him its ok and that you're there for him, he will open up and let everything out. You can help him through this! Hope that helped, let me know if you have any other questions!
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When suicide comes into play, all bets are off--it's time to bring in adults.
You can't save your friend. It hurts like hell to realise it, but it's the truth. You can listen, you can try and cheer him up, but ultimately, you can't save him. You don't have the training or resources that a professional has.
Please, encourage him to seek outside help, and if he refuses, talk to an adult. Maybe a teacher or school guidance counsellor, if you don't want to go to your parents?
An abusive situation has to stop, too. He's a minor; he shouldn't have to deal with that. He shouldn't have to deal with any of this.
I urge you, talk to an adult. This is beyond what you can (and should) handle. The best way to help him is to ask someone else for help.
-Daimeera, 21/female
(And diagnosed with Major Depression six years ago)
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Continue showing your support for him. He needs to know that you don't want to see him hurt or dead because you care about him. That's the first step.
I know that you don't want to get outside sources involved...but he really needs some professional help. Think of what is best for him. At least he knows he is struggling with depression; that's good that he knows there's a problem. From what you've said, it appears that his parents probably wouldn't seek help for him so maybe you should tell your parents. They could help him get to a counselor or psychiatrist.
I know it's a difficult decision, but he could get better with your support and possible counseling.
Good luck, and bless you for being a good friend to him in his time of need.
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