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should i be mad at her?
Last night my best friend (lisa) totally blew me off. (or atleast that's what i would call it)
She called me up the night before and said we were hanging out.. so i call her that night to make sure and she's like yeah i'll call you in an hour. 2 hours later she calls me and says she's going out to dinner with her other friend (katelyn), because some boy had called katelyn to go out and katelyn didn't wanna go alone.
what i'm mad about is that lisa she just agreed to go with katelyn without even asking me or telling me when she first knew. (at least then i could make other plans!)
i love laura to death, and i do everything for her. the other day i cleaned her car when she asked me to and i pay her like 20 dollars a week for gas money since she has to buy everything on her own. i've helped her write papers when she stressed out and i spend soo much time talking to her/reassuring her about her problems when i have a ton else to do. i cover her so she doesn't get in trouble with her parents at risk of me getting in trouble, i go to her soccer games, i buy her stuff just cuz i know she'll like it, i let her borrow my ipod/clothes/money for weeks. i wouldn't mind doing this, i mean its just being a good friend, but i don't feel like she's always a good friend to me.
for example, i live 8 min. away from her. and she always uses it against me how she goes way out of her way to pick me up. if i only give her like 10$ of gas money a week she gets pissed at me. like she told me she didn't HAVE to pick me up to go to this party (that *I* told her about and got her invited to) but she did cuz "she's a good friend." ... she flips out at me for forgetting stuff, when she wostuff like that.
but when she's nice to me, she's so nice. like she offered to drive me home when my parents got in a huge fight w/ me and wouldn't drive me anywhere.. and shes bringing me to a concert for my birthday and paying for the ticket and stuff. and she's hilarious and we're like the same person.
... i just feel like she's using me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know from experience that the more you suck it up and play (too) nice, the more some people will take advantage of you. It does seem like your friend blew you off- so it's okay for her to go out of her way for somebody else, only to flake out on you? Absolutely not.
I think you already know inside that she is using you. It doesn't matter how nice she may be at times, the fact of the matter is that she is using you. For one thing, you have no responsibility AT ALL for paying for her gas money. A) Her parents can help her out, and B) if A isn't an option, she can GET A JOB. You have your own problems to deal with, and should not even fork over the money, especially on a weekly basis. When people consistently borrow money for their own affairs, without paying back, or even being thankful or anything, they are simply using you.
Now, another thing that I noticed. You said she flipped out at you for having to pick you up, forgetting stuff, whatever it is, she has absolutely NO right to get mad. You did not do anything to insult her, demean her, or otherwise make her feel like shit. You didn't do anything wrong, plain and simple. If she were such a good friend, she would react rationally, rather than flipping out. So that is something you definitely need to talk to her about.
You say she is so nice, but is she really? Is it just a mask, or is she really a nice person? Seems to me that she uses you for her own advantage, then plays the whole, " oh, you're so sweet," role, only to get you to stick around. She is also being so nice, it seems, because you let her borrow stuff. Is that all that matters to her? It looks like it. What bothers me is that she doesn't reciprocate, and acts like it's her right. Well, it isn't.
Ask yourself a few questions: How is her relationship with other people- does she also tend to use other people for things, or simply for her own gain? Does she often demean you in some way or make you feel low? Does she always want THINGS from you, whether it's money, a ride, etc.? Does she often flake out?
IF you find yourself saying, "yes, that is so her" to the above questions, you will immediately realize that she is not a good friend to you, and that she is playing on your weakness in order to get something out of you. Trust me, I have been through this before, and it hurts. First off, you have to talk to her, be firm, and let her know you are bothered. If she sticks to her ways and does not make an effort to change, then I'm sorry to say, you have to find other friends who will appreciate you, make time for you, give back, and will be very respectful. Above all, and this may take some effort, you have to stick up for yourself.
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I do think she is using you. I am sorry that that may sound harsh but the signs are all there. She feels like you owe her and you feel it to but friends don't do that to each other. They help each other with out trying to make the other feel guilty.
She thinks you will do anything for her at any time because you are a good friend and you have been doing that. you need to know the point at which she is taking advantage of you.
Sit down and have a major girl talk. Tell her everything that is bothering you. Try to make her listen to you. Tell her that you might say things that might make her angry but to please just listen and you will do the same.
My best friend and I used to have fights all the time until we did that and then it all stopped.
If she doesn't listen to you and keeps doing this stuff you might need to find a new friend. A friend should never think they have to make you feel guilty in order for you to do something for her.
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Sounds like you got a case of a using friend...when she needs something she comes to you and is friendly...but then stabs you in the back when it suits her...she isnt a true friend if she is back and forth on you all the time...i dealt wit the same thing and i blew off my best friend cause i realized she wasnt a friend 2 begin with. So talk 2 her and tell her how you feel, if she doesnt listen give her the short end of the stick sow her how it feels.
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